Randy shared Heidi Baker's testimony with us in Belem, Brazil. I had not heard it before Randy shared it. When I got home from the trip, God recalled her testimony to my memory and used it as the "final step" in getting me to accept and embrace the transition that God is moving me into regarding giving up my tent-maker job (and it's substantial income) and being solely supported by full-time ministry. So I should have known that this meeting would be an extension of what God had been doing in me in Brazil.

Heidi was scheduled to speak at a church in our area approximately two weeks after I got back from Brazil. (I knew about this meeting before I left for Brazil and was looking forward to hearing her speak).

On my way to the meeting, I was the female version of a "man with a mission." While my home church's morning service had been great, the ministry time had been very frustrating for me. It seems that God is still teaching me to pray from authority instead of anointing, and I could not sense God's anointing on me as I ministered. The one and only person who came to me for prayer was not healed. I was frustrated -- I had seen healings at an online meeting on Friday night, but on Sunday morning nothing happened. I was beginning to wonder if maybe I had somehow missed receiving an impartation/anointing in Brazil that all six of the other team members seemed to get. I knew that Heidi carried a strong anointing as a carrier of God's presence and for physical healing. I wanted to get an impartation like hers from God. That was my main purpose in going to the meeting. I even told that to one of my staff members via cell phone on my drive over there. I was feeling desperate for God to touch me and impart into me.

There were a lot of people from my church who came -- we saved three rows but that was not enough room to hold them all, so we had to overflow to a 4th nearby row and a few could not find room to sit with us. I think there were 33 of us from my church. Of course, the fellowship before the meeting started was fun. But when worship started, it was very crowded. There was not room for all of us to raise our hands because we bumped into each other. I thought that would be distracting, since it was very crowded and I generally don't like to be crowded. But God's presence quickly filled the room and it was easy to get lost in Him and to forget the crowds.

I even forgot that I was there on a mission -- all I wanted was more of His presence and to be closer to Him. I don't know how to describe what His presence felt like. It was sweet and it was like a breath of fresh air -- but at the same time, I was intently aware of both His love and His holiness.

Recently, God has been speaking to me a lot about the "judgment seat of Christ." The concept came from Rick Joyner's book the Final Quest. These past 6 months I have been spending a lot of time there as the Lord has been reviewing my life with me and transforming some areas that don't line up with His will/plans. There have been times where it was just a sense of being before His throne and hearing Him speak to me in that "still small voice." There have been other times when He has literally taken me into visions where I have appeared before His judgment seat (and believe me, that is scary!)

As I worshipped, God began to speak to me again about being before His judgment seat. When I am being "judged," Jesus confirms and blesses some things in my life and He reveals and corrects others. I know this is a grace/blessing to be able to work on these areas that fall short and correct some of them before I appear before His final judgment seat "for real." I have been learning that allowing Jesus to judge and evaluate me now is a very good thing, because He actively works in my life both to transform and to impart. The Lord reviewed this with me during the worship, then He said "Teresa, I want to take you farther, to do more in your judgment seat experiences with Me."

"Oh Lord," I responded, "Please do it. I want you to get rid of everything in me that holds me back from going all the way with You!"

"Teresa, I want to do it too. But first, you must become secure in My love for you. My judgment seat must seem like a good and a safe place to you." I know that may sound odd, but I have experienced such measures of His grace/mercy mixed in with His judgments that I often find it a very good experience to come before His judgment throne. Also, I have been learning that His judgments are not all about correction and revealing problem areas. He also evaluates things that He likes about me and rewards them.

"Lord," I said, "I like coming before You now, when we can still work on things and fix them before I come before your judgment seat 'for real.'"

"Teresa," He replied, "this is 'for real.' It is not the final judgment, but it is very real." Suddenly I was transported in His presence and I was surrounded with His love and I lost track of what was going on in the meeting with the worship. I was not aware of the people around me, I was only aware of Him.

They ended worship a bit abruptly, asking us to greet each other. It was very hard for me to pull out of worship and into fellowship. I felt a bit dazed. After a few minutes they asked us to be seated. Shortly after that, Terry (the pastor of the sponsoring church) asked the pastors and ministers in the room to stand up. (They do that type of thing in a lot of meetings, but they usually let you sit back down seconds later.) Tonight he asked us to remain standing. Terry kept us standing for what felt (to me) like a very long time. I wanted to sit back down but did not. Then he said he wanted the congregation to bless the visiting pastors, and asked those seated near us to stretch forth their hand and pray for us. I was surrounded by people from my own church. Rodney, the senior pastor and John and Jim (staff pastors from my church) were all there as well.

As people laid hands on me and began to pray for me, I could feel the Lord's presence and sweetness increasing. I don't remember falling, but the next thing I knew, I was a limp pile on the floor by the pew, with my head in June's lap (she is one of the female deacons from my church). I was keenly aware of the Lord's presence and was filled with His joy. June was sort of supporting me and chuckling. I heard her say, "Now she's got the laughter." I was pretty sure she was referring to me, as I was laughing quietly from the joy of the Lord. After a while, I struggled to my feet to stand of the end of the prayer that Terry was leading for us ministers. God was all over me. His presence was so wonderful and all I wanted was more of Him.

For a very short period, service was sort of normal. They took an offering and showed a short video of a prophetic word that Todd Bentley recently had for Terry, the pastor of the sponsoring church. Then they invited Heidi up to speak an God took over the service again.

The first thing Heidi said was, "Would the worship leader come back up front, I don't think we are done worshipping yet." So we did a bit more worship. As the first note of the first song began, I just knew I had to either be kneeling before the Lord or on my face before Him. There was absolutely no room in this crowded pew to do that, so I made my way past three people and to the aisle. My original intent was to kneel in the aisle. But as I reached the aisle, I noticed two or three others going up front to kneel. Heidi was sitting on the top stair of the platform and a few were kneeling in the open ministry space in front of the platform. It "felt right" to go up front, so I did. I ended up in the center of the ministry area, near the platform, about the second row of kneelers. Others were coming up as well. I intended to simply kneel before God, but I ended up flat on my face. It felt so right to be flat on my face before Him, so I stayed there. I had no idea I was going to be there for the next three and one half hours.

God's presence felt so tangible in the room. After a song or two, Heidi began talking to us, encouraging us to call out for God, to tell Him how hungry we were for Him. I did not need much encouragement, it sort of rose up out of my belly. I wanted Him so bad that I thought I was going to burst. I found myself groaning and calling out to Him out loud, and I do mean "loud!" Normally I would be very embarrassed to do something like that in a meeting, to interrupt the speaker and make loud noises. But I was not focusing on self at all, I was focusing on God. The embarrassment was not there, only a hunger and a passion for Him. I wanted more of Him and I did not care what happened to me in the process of getting it. Heidi was not at all upset or distracted that I had begun crying out to God. Within a second or two, several others were doing it as well.

I wish I could give you a "blow by blow" description of how Heidi coached us to cry out to God and welcome His presence. Unfortunately, that is not going to be possible. I was only paying a little bit of attention to what she was saying. My primary focus was on God. I wanted Him so bad that I thought I would explode. The intensity and passion for Him rose for a while, and then I could sense His sweetness around me. I got peaced out for a little while and was silent before Him.

Then God began to talk to me. He suggested that I tell Him that I would trust that no matter what happened to me in the meeting, it would be Him and I would just receive and trust. (It is kinda scary when God says something like that to you. So He invited me to take a couple of minutes to pray and discuss it with Him.) I told Him what I thought I'd just heard and asked Him if He wanted me to be "wide open" to whatever happened. I asked Him if He would protect me and not allow the enemy to slip in and do anything to me during this unconditional receiving from God. I got a strong confirmation in my spirit that this was indeed His plan. I decided that I was going to go into a 'no holes barred' trust-encounter with God. I would stay open and receptive to Him no matter what happened to me or around me. I half expected to end up in an open vision in the 3rd heaven, or something like that. God had other plans but they were very good plans.

The intensity rose up in me and I found myself crying out to God again to fill me. For maybe the first time in my life, I wanted His presence more than I wanted His anointing. I know that we are supposed to want His presence more, but I have always wanted both with equal fervency. Now, for the first time, I did not care at all about the anointing -- I just wanted Him! In fact, I wanted Him so bad that I found myself praying, Lord give me more of Your presence or I will die! I literally meant it... I felt like I would stop breathing if I did not get more of His presence.

Right then, Heidi began telling us about how often she had prayed to God, begging Him to either give her more of His "presence, power and anointing" or to "take her home." She was verbalizing what I had just been praying. It was sort of a neat Holy Spirit confirmation to have her say out loud in the microphone what was going on inside of my spirit!

Suddenly I could not breath. My chest and sides felt like they were going to explode. A brief terror flashed through me, and then I remembered my agreement with God that He would be in control of everything that happened to me at that meeting. The fear left the instant I realized that I was totally in God's hands. I could not breath for well over a minute and I began to wonder if maybe God was answering my prayer to "take me home" if I could not have more of Him here. (I guess in reality we have ALL of Him in the person of the indwelling Holy Spirit. What I was really asking for was more awareness of His presence and His leading and power in my life.) At any rate, I still could not breath and I began to truly believe that God was in the process of taking me home. And you know what -- that was OK with me. I remembered that verse that says, "No man can see My face and live." So I began hoping that if God was really taking me home, He would do it by letting me see His face. If I had to die, that would be a wonderful way to go! I still wanted more of Him!

Suddenly I was blowing a bunch of rapid short breaths out of my mouth. I don't remember ever inhaling or taking a breath, but I was suddenly blowing, much like a pregnant woman in labor. I did not think "ok I will blow now," it just started happening. It was almost like I did not have control of my lungs or of my body. (I suspect I did have control, but it felt like I did not at that moment.) In addition to the blowing, I began to shake violently. I could feel His power all around me. I remember thinking that I should have been scared, but I was not. I was just so hungry for Him.

After a while the blowing and shaking stopped. I became aware of Heidi talking -- or should I say trying to talk. The Holy Spirit was on her heavily and she was having great difficulty getting sentences out... with lots of "ho-o-o-o-o's" and such between words. She told us that God must be in control, that we must yield control to Him. She shared how we had a choice, we could be in control and do things our way. Or we could yield control to Him and let Him do it His way. She said that when she was in control, she had four small churches in Mozambique and two of them were doing "not well" and the other two were "ug!". But she gave control to God and now she had 5,000 churches. She said that she liked having 5,000 churches much more than having four. She gave other comparisons of the difference between being in control and giving control to God. She said that she know she looked weird and foolish sitting on the steps shaking and jerking under the power and hardly able to get coherent sentences out. But it was OK because God was in control. And she liked God being in control because just the other day she got to pray for a little paralyzed girl in a wheel chair and God healed her and she got out of the chair and walked. Things like that don't happen unless we yield control to God.

I found myself renewing my commitment to give Him control of the GodSpeak ministry, and of every area of my life and walk. Suddenly God's intensity was on me again and I lost track of a large part of the service. I was only aware of Him! I forgot that I was surrounded by others on the floor, I forgot I was even in a Church service. I was only aware of Him and I wanted more of Him. I wanted Him to fill me with His presence and I wanted Him to fill me with His power and anointing. I wanted to be given real kingdom things to do and I wanted to be given the authority to do them with the Father. But that (power and anointing) was not nearly as important to me as His presence. God was what was important. When I thought of God's plans, I began to think of the nations, and my passion for the nations began to increase. The awareness of my call to "the nations" rose up to a whole new level.

Just then I became aware of Heidi talking to us. She said that some of us were called to "the nations" -- not just to one nation but to the nations -- and I knew I was one of the ones she was talking about. She told us to cry out to God for the power and anointing to go and to reach them -- and again I found something rising up from my innermost being and crying out to God for this. God's presence felt so close and so tangible, but it was not enough. I wanted more of Him. I wanted to be a carrier of His presence, a carrier of His glory!

At some point, Heidi sort of taught from Zech 3 and 4. She coached us through crying out to God for what He was doing in those chapters. It was not eloquent, but it was extremely powerful. I wish I could describe it better, but I was too caught up in focusing on God and responding to Him to give you a detailed report. It was like Heidi was coaching us to have an encounter with God, and we were not all that aware of the coach because we were busy focusing and concentrating on God.

There were a few times when the intensity of God's presence seemed to lessen, and I could lift up my head (I had been doing a nose-plant into the carpet most of the night) and look at Heidi. She was sitting on the steps and she was shaking a lot her self and she was clearly drunk in the spirit and just seemed to be oozing with God's presence. She was having a lot of fun and those of us who were not "lost" in God's presence were having fun along with her. I don't think that my total elapsed time of watching Heidi instead of focusing on God even added up to 10 minutes of the entire three and a half hours that she was "speaking."

But at one point I was watching her, still laying flat on my stomach. She was talking about revivals being "messy." She mentioned how they were not able to plan the revival, so they did not have an administrator in place to handle many of the logistical details. About then, this thought flashed into my mind... I am not sure if the source was my own thinking or if it was the Lord. I thought, "Now that I don't have a tentmaker job, I should go over there" (Mozambique) "for a month or two and help them with their internet stuff." Just then Heidi said something to the effect of, "I don't have an admin to help me with my email, so I can't even turn on my computer because I get too many emails to deal with. I need someone to help me with that. Maybe it is you."

(She throws in a lot of "maybe it is you" in her speaking, but that one hit be right between the eyes because I had the same thought a few seconds before she said it. I don't know if that is God or if that was just a co-incidence -- it will be interesting to see if anything comes out of it.)

At one point in the evening (I can't remember precisely where it was in the service) Heidi said something that God really quickened to me. She said that God wanted each/every one of us to carry God's presence and to walk in the same anointing that she walked in. She said that there was nothing special about her. She was "just a clay jar that has laid down so that God can flow through it." That reminded me strongly of one of the messages that God has given me: "You can do this too. Everything you see me doing, you can do it too." Just then the Lord underscored the importance of that message to me. He wants His entire body to rise and begin walking in His power and anointing. It was never intended for just a select few, it was always intended for all of us.

So much happened that I can't possibly record it all. But let me share two really neat things with you.

The first happened when Heidi drew near the end of her "teaching" from Zechariah. She invited those who "were hungry for more of God" to come down to the front. I was already at the front, but I assumed she wanted prayer lines, so I began to force myself to stand up. So did many others. Then she said, "No, don't stand up. Get down. Stay low. I don't understand why you want to stand up just to fall down. Just stay on the ground so God doesn't have to knock you down." So I stopped trying to get up and stretched back on my face before the Lord. It did not take long until people were pressing in on all sides of me - we all wanted more of God.

Those who had been in their seats were coming up to the front at Heidi's invitation and space was becoming a limited commodity. But I had just enough room to be face down on my belly before God if I did not try to move my arms or legs at all. I could feel someone pressing against my right side, they were slightly on top of me. The had tried to lay down next to me but the space was not quite big enough. Normally that type of thing would bother me. But at that moment, it did not matter -- it was a holy moment. We were all focusing in on God and we were all hungry for Him.

Heidi invited us to cry out to God and the intensity of hunger for God that rose up in me was fierce. I cried out to Him. That "can't breath" followed by blowing and shaking hit me again -- only this time I did not wonder if I was going to die. I had been through it before the same evening and the first episode did not kill me, so I figured this one would not kill me either. It didn't. (I ended up experiencing that a few more times during the evening.)

Some time passed and there was some shifting around. I guess a few people must have left the altar area because it seemed a bit less crowded. In fact, I was so focused on God that I forgot I was at church and I forget there was a crowd around me. I was in God's presence. He was wonderful and He was powerful and He was loving and He was good. He was very overwhelming, but it was a very good type of overwhelming. I was a bit startled when the intensity decreased a bit and I realized I was in the service on the floor surrounded by other people. It had been God and me, and I had lost track of all else for a little while.

Then Heidi suggested that we all lay hands on someone near us and pray for them. In my mind, I sensed someone putting their hand on my back, hear my left shoulder. I expected that a real person would lay their hand there, but no one did. I placed my hand on the back of the person on my right and prayed for them. Suddenly that person started shaking violently and I realized they were having a encounter with God's power. After a while I removed my hand.

That was when I noticed that someone had grabbed my right calf was praying for me. I wish I could say that I was catapulted into a deeper sense of being in God's presence, but nothing special was happening. I don't know why, but I really wanted someone to put lay hands on my back near my left shoulder -- I just felt like I was supposed to be touched there. I know this sounds silly, but I really felt like that was supposed to happen and it wasn't happening.

Heidi said that she would be moving through the crowd laying hands on people. "But," she said, "I won't go to anyone who is looking at me. I will only go to those who are looking at Jesus." I wanted her to lay hands on me really bad -- I still wanted an impartation from her. She even acknowledged that often impartations happen through the laying on of hands. I hoped God had one with my name written on it. But I realized that this was out of my control -- either God would make it happen, or He would minister to me in some other way. I put my focus back on God.

About then, I began to notice how badly I needed to use the lady's room. My bladder was really full -- pressing my bodyweight face down on a hard floor for 3 hours had not helped the situation. I was tempted to get up and go to the lady's room. But I did not want to miss out on anything that God had for me. Since the intensity of God's tangible presence was very light, I was seriously considering getting up and going to the lady's room to relieve what was becoming a pressing problem. I decided to wait on the Lord just a tad longer. I prayed silently, "Lord, since no one is touching me on the left side of my back, would You either come lay hands on me Yourself or send an angel to do it?"

Seconds later, I felt someone (a real person) put their hand on my back very close to the spot I'd sensed was where I was supposed to be touched. As they did, a strong sense of God's presence washed over me. "See, Teresa," the Lord said, "I do grant you even your little desires when you wait on Me." I was overwhelmed by the Lord's goodness.

After a little while, I turned my heard, opened eyes and looked to see who was praying for me. It was Debbie from my church! Can you imagine, God put a longing in me to be prayed for, then He sent one of my own friends from church to minister in that way. It was so neat! I felt so blessed.

Heidi had been singing a lengthy song of the Lord over us. It was very powerful and very anointed. For the most part, I was focused on God and aware of His nearness. But my bladder was beginning to demand my attention. I had to go to the lady's room really bad. I was afraid to get up and leave the area because I really wanted to be there in case God wanted to meet me again or in case He sent Heidi to pray for people in this area.

After a while Heidi stopped singing and Debbie and I looked at each. After a short discussion, we discovered that we both desperately needed to relieve our bladders. We realized that Heidi had left the auditorium. I felt disappointed that she'd left without getting to our portion of the room to lay hands on us. Then I realized that God had been very in control of everything that had happened to me this evening, so He was in control of whether or not Heidi laid hands on me. Yea, I had really wanted her to. I had also brought a copy of my book that I wanted to ask her to please give to Rolland (her husband). But she had left and neither of those things was going to happen.

I decided it did not matter, because God was so in control and I trusted His judgment. I made a conscious decision to lay my agenda aside for His agenda. I knew He would take good care of me. All the same, I silently asked Him to throw an impartation my way whether anyone laid hands on me or not. My desire of what I wanted imparted had changed. I had come looking for a power and healing anointing, but now I wanted an anointing for increased intimacy with Him.

The intensity of God's presence on both Debbie and myself seemed to be lessening. So we decided to get up and go to the lady's room. My plan was to come back to the altar as soon as I took care of business, just in case God had more to do.

But on the way back to the altar, I passed a friend I'd made in Belem Brazil, Eliana the lady who'd helped me learn some Portuguese. She was a staff pastor at this church. We greeted each other and talked for a few minutes. Then I ran into another friend who lives out of the area and how had driven a distance to be at this meeting. Of course we had to talk. Then I ended up in a third conversation. At the end of it, I noticed that I was standing right next to Rodney, the senior pastor of my church. So I had a brief chat with him. As I was talking, that intensity and longing for more of God welled up in me again. So I excused myself to "Go see if God has any more for me."

I knelt down in the center of the altar area in front of the lowest step to the platform. It was not crowded, but there were still people in the area. Some were quite drunk in the spirit. Others were not drunk, but the Lord was touching them powerfully. I did not notice them much, as I began to cry out silently for God to touch me once again. I wanted more of Him so badly. I don't think I was then very long when I heard a woman's voice talking to another person, saying something like, "Ok, let's do it. We can sit here for a few seconds. But I can't stay long, I have to get going." I sort of blocked it out... it was not really very distracting to have someone talking near me, because I was so focused on God. I can't describe the yearning I felt in my spirit for Him. It was intense.

Then I felt someone lay hands gently on my left shoulder. There was a tremendous surge of power when this happened. It literally threw me backwards, twisting me around as it did so. I remember crying out in response to that surge of power. My eyes fluttered open briefly as I was in route to the ground. To my great surprise, I saw a quick flash of Heidi Baker leaning over me and touching my shoulder. My eyes fluttered closed again. I was overwhelmed with God for a few minutes. I did not feel power surging through my body any more, but I was very aware of Him and did not want to move. I lay there quietly, just enjoying His nearness.

I did have a moment where I tried to process what had just happened to me. Had that really been Heidi Baker (who had left the meeting a while ago)? Or had that been my imagination? Then God spoke to me and reminded me of Psalm 37:4, which says, "Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Then He said to me, "See Teresa, I gave you what you desired so much. I sent Heidi to pray for you because I knew you wanted it so badly." I thought that was so neat! When I surrendered control to Him instead of pestering Him and pestering Him for something I wanted, He ended up giving me what I wanted.

What can you say in response to such a good God? I began to worship Him. I also reminded Him of what anointing I most wanted imparted -- that increased intimacy with God. Of course, I told Him that I would not object if He also choose to give me an increased healing and power anointing as well. But what I really wanted, what was really important to me at that moment, was an impartation for increased depth of intimacy with God.

After a bit, I heard God say to me, "If you get up now, you can give Heidi a copy of your book to give to Rolland."

I sat up. Heidi was on the floor on the platform, surrounded by Terry and his wife, Rodney and his wife and a couple of other pastors. I got up, walked back to the pew and got my book and walked over to the group surrounding Heidi. Shortly after I got there, she sat up and I was able to give her a copy of the book, just like God had said I would be able to.

It is weird, I came with my agenda. I turned control over to God and let Him set the agenda instead. But when all was said and done that night, God had managed to hit all of the items on my agenda as well as adding several neat items of His own. It was a great evening. God is so awesome. I want MORE of Him!