God has been invading our church services a lot lately, but today's invasion touched me strongly. I have to back up and explain what He had been doing in my life all week.
A week ago on Sunday night, I went to a service where Heidi Baker was speaking. Instead of speaking or doing a formal teaching, she coached us to cry out to God for a visitation of His tangible presence, to have an encounter with God. Personally, I had an extremely powerful encounter with God that Sunday night.
It was so powerful that it effected me all week. I had a hunger and passion for God that was much stronger than anything I'd felt recently. I felt desperate for God, especially the first half of the week. I had not even turned on the TV or played much by way of computer games all week because I wanted to demonstrate to God how serious I was to seek His face. Instead, I would put on worship music and alternate between worshipping Him and crying out to Him.
Something Heidi said at the meeting kept ringing through my memory all day Monday -- "I would cry out to God to either fill me or to take me home." A slight variation of that became my heartfelt prayer. I wanted God to bring me into living much more frequently in His presence or to take me home (where I would be eternally in His presence). First I asked His permission to challenge Him in this way. It took me about 24 hours before I felt I had it And then I earnestly began crying out to Him to either "take me all the way" or to "take me home." I defined "all the way" as five things: 1) deep intimacy with God, 2) frequently being in God's tangible presence, 3) hearing God's voice more clearly, 4) being given real and significant kingdom work to do and 5) having God's anointing, power and authority to do it.
You know what? I was not sure what His response would be. I had a sense that if He were going to take me home, He would do it before Sunday. I told some close friends about this challenge and that I was not sure whether or not I'd be alive to see them at church on Sunday. I suspected that God probably would not kill me, I really did not know for sure whether or not I would survive this. But I wanted the increased intimacy and being in His presence so much that I was willing to take the risk.
Early in the week, He would meet me almost instantly when I pulled aside in worship. I generally set aside two one-hour sessions during the day to worship and seek Him, as well as an hour or two at night before going to bed. I made seeking God my highest priority, and He seemed to respond to it by meeting me powerfully during my prayer and worship times. In fact, at times His presence and power would be so intense that I felt like I was being electrocuted.
But later in the week, on Thursday, He did not meet me as quickly. I felt frustrated at first, but as I continued to press in for over half an hour, then He would come and meet me. It wasn't as powerful as earlier in the week. I was becoming concerned that I would slip back into the state (lack of His presence) that I'd been in before. I was not sure I wanted to live like that and I became even more earnest in my prayers for God to meet me or take me home.
On Thursday afternoon, I was informed that a friend and occasional ministry partner of mine had been killed in a car accident in New York. That hit me hard and I will miss her. In fact, it hit me harder than I expected because I had been praying for God to take me home if I could not live in greater depths of His presence. I had sort of envisioned that if He elected the "take me home" option, maybe I would get to die by seeing His face (no one can see His face and live {Exodus 33:20}), or by having some other type of supernatural encounter with God. Suddenly I realized that He could just as easily "take me home" by something as mundane as a car accident. The possibility of being taken home suddenly became much more real to me. I was not sure if I was going to survive the week. But I was sure that I could not just go on like I had been, I needed to go deeper in God or die trying.
Friday was sort of a repeat of Thursday. It took a lot longer to come into His tangible presence than earlier in the week, and then the sense of His presence and His nearness was not as strong, once I finally got there. I was afraid that maybe I was loosing whatever impartation I'd received on Sunday night. This made me even more desperate for Him!
God did seem to meet me much more on Saturday. I was happy to be more in His presence. But a part of me began to wonder what Sunday church would be like. I should explain -- this whole week when I was in His tangible presence I was doing all sorts of things I would not normally do in church -- crying out for Him in a very loud voice, groaning, shaking, crunching and some other body gestures that I am not sure how to describe. That was ok when it was just God and me in the privacy of my prayer room. But, what if God came on me like this during Sunday morning service? What if it offended some of the people at my church? I care about them a lot, and I certainly don't want to offend anyone or put them off. If God chose to come on me like that in my own church service, what would my reaction be? Would I resist Him and try to behave appropriately so I did not offend anyone I cared about? But, if I resisted Him, would I loose out on entering into His tangible presence -- the very thing I'd been crying out to Him for all week?
I finally decided that as much as I care for the people at church, I am even hungrier for God's presence. So I determined that I would not resist God no matter what He chose to do to me in the service.
It turns out that did not have to be a major concern. A large group from our church, mostly youth, had gone to a 10 day worship encounter called Vertical Call. It ended at 10 PM Saturday night and when they got to church Sunday morning, they were "pumped." It turns out that I did many of the things that I was concerned about in church during worship, like calling out to the Lord in a loud voice, being on my face, shaking, etc. But nobody noticed because many of the youth were up front worshipping enthusiastically and loudly. God is so smart! Once I determined that I wanted Him more than anything and would submit to whatever He choose to do in service, He made me practically invisible, so I did not have to worry that I might offend someone. I could just press into God uninhibited. And He met me with a sense of His tangible presence during the worship service, and it felt "so good" to be in His presence.
About 20 minutes into the worship, I had to leave for about 15 minutes to go pray for the kids in children's church for an impartation of what God gave us in Brazil. Several of the Brazil team were doing this at the senior pastor's request. They will get three weeks of teaching and impartation, and then they will come into the main service for ministry time and pray for any adults who need healing. The strategy sounds good to me, it sounds like something God might do. So I was happy to leave worship at the pre-appointed time, along with some of the other Brazil team members, to go pray impartation for the kids.
I ended up praying for three of the kids, all girls, and for one of the adult Children's Church workers. The Lord's presence was on me so strongly that I could hardly stand at some points. I knew God was doing something. After the prayer, it was back to the worship service and instantly back into a light sense of God's tangible presence. Worship continued for maybe another 15 minutes when I got back.
I believe that a lot of people had encounters with God during worship this morning. Worship seemed to end too soon, but it has gone the usual length of time. God's presence hung over the room and many people there could feel His touch.
After the teaching, Rodney invited those who'd been at Vertical Call, mostly youth, to come up and pray for an impartation for anyone who wanted it. I wanted to go up for impartation, but I had been kneeling for the closing prayer, and I ended up sort of glued to the floor, unable to get up for a while. I could feel God all over me, but I wanted more. It was getting kind of wild in the ministry area. God was moving and touching people. I was in the front row, very close to the ministry area, but I was unable to move. I wanted to go up for prayer. I wanted an impartation to go deeper in worship and intimacy with God... that was what I'd been crying out for all week. But God was meeting me where I was at. He was all over me and I simply could not get up. It really felt like someone had glued my knees to the carpet.
Eventually, the "glue" wore off and I was able to stand. Many people were still receiving prayer, and most of the Vertical Call prayers were tied up, ministering to someone. One of the youth, a young man, was free. So I went to him and asked him to pray for me. His prayer was very short, but I could feel the presence Lord increase on me as he prayed. I was hungry for God. I wanted more. So when he finished praying I just stood there and silently called out for God to give me more of Him. I could feel God's sweetness and His nearness increasing near me. Soon I was lost in His presence.
A bit later, I became aware that a lady had been laying on the ground behind me and her hands were stretched in front of her, and her hands were between my feet. I decided I would move a few steps away from her so I did not accidentally step on her, but I found that my feet were glued to the floor and I could not move. I was concerned about her for a few minutes, hoping I would not fall on her and hurt her. Then my senses once again became flooded with God's presence, and I forgot about her. (God took care of her, and I never did end up falling on her or stepping on her, even though she was in a very precarious position in regard to where I was standing, considering how heavily the Lord's presence was on me and how I was having trouble standing.)
For a while I was not aware of anything but God. Then I became aware of Jason's voice. He was praying for Leanor. But he suddenly said, "And Lord please overflow to touch Teresa too." Another wave of God's presence hit me. Jason continued to pray for Leanor, but he was saying things that sounded very much like they were for me. For a while, I wondered if he was praying for me. I opened my eyes and saw that he was laying hands on Leanor and clearly praying for her. So I sort of tuned out his voice and put my focus back on God. He continued to meet me in wonderful ways. I am not sure how long this continued. I was standing up. I felt drunk and wobbly and hardly able to stand. But my feet were still glued to the floor so I would not step on the lady who was laying on the floor partially under me.
After a while the intensity lessened. Pat walked by me and I asked her what time it was. She said it was 1:30. That meant ministry time had been going on about an hour. I looked around the room and saw there were still a lot of people being prayed for and being touched by the Lord. I was thinking of asking Rodney to pray for me about something I wanted a healing for, but I could not see him anywhere. Then I made eye contact with Jason, who had just finished praying for Jim, the youth pastor. I looked at him and said, "You want to pray for me?" He wanted to and stepped over to where I was. About then I discovered my feet were not stuck to the ground anymore, so I decided to step away from being on top of that lady. I mentioned to Jason that I did not want to fall on her. Mark, the worship leader, was down in the midst of the ministry area. He came behind me and said he'd keep me from falling on anyone.
Then Jason started to pray for me. God hit me like a rock. I was having serious trouble standing up and Jason said, "Don't go down yet, God has a bunch more for you." Mark held me up. Jason began to pray prophetically over me, hitting some of the things I'd been crying out to the Lord about these past several weeks. The power of God was all over me. I was focused on God and I became very aware of His nearness. After a while, I noticed that several other hands were touching me. I opened my eyes and saw that about 5 or 6 of the youth had joined Jason in praying for me. I was not able to enjoy the view for very long, because another wave of God's presence hit me. It blocked out everything else.
When they finished with me, I was still standing -- though I don't know how I was able to remain on my feet. I just wanted more of God, so I stood there and asked Him for more. After a while, His presence became so overwhelming that I was unable to remain standing. There was not any catcher to catch me when I fell, but it did not hurt. Maybe an angel caught me. Or maybe I just have enough natural padding to absorb the shock. But it did not hurt at all when I went down. I was keenly aware of the Lord's presence and I was also aware of angelic activity in the room.
I ended up on my back. It seemed like several waves came over me. It is hard to describe. God did not speak to me a lot. I just felt His nearness. At times it felt sweet and gentle and loving. At times it felt like waves of power sweeping over me. I do remember noticing, at one point, that the thing I wanted to get healing prayer for did not bother me any more. I was not sure if God healed me or if the being so strongly in His presence masked the physical symptoms.
My hands and arms were tingling as if someone had placed a vibrator on them. At times I would be aware of the worship music and worship along. At other times, the sense of the Lord's presence seemed to swallow me and I was not aware of anything else. At times I would be aware that I was crunching or shaking. But I was not worried about anyone seeing me doing weird things. I did not feel self-conscious at all, just God-conscious.
This went on for a long time and I finally decided that I should get up. But when I tried to get up, I just could not. After a while of trying, I collapsed face first on the ground and was out for a while longer. My eyes were wide open and there was not a human-type of person near me. I had a sense of an angel bending over me and touching me and then there was this explosion of power. I am not sure how long that lasted.
After a while, the intensity waned a bit and I again tried to get up. By now the live worship had stopped and they'd put on recorded music. I found out that sitting up was a lot more difficult than I expected. I was determined to get up because service was clearly over, but God had other ideas. The next think I knew, I was flat on my back again, surrounded by His presence. I must admit it felt good, so I decided to just stay there for a while and enjoy it.
Suddenly I was reminded of how similar this felt to the soaking times (a.k.a. carpet times) that we used to do a great deal of in the early days of the renewal. I found myself yearning (and praying) for this type of renewal to break out in my church, like it had in Toronto. God spoke to me a little bit about my destiny and calling, but mostly I was just surrounded by His sweetness. It felt SO good.
Finally the intensity went down and I was able to sit up. I could not quite manage standing, so I asked Shandy (one of the youth) to help me to my feet, and then I staggered to my chair. En route, I passed Pat and asked her what time it was (my wrist watch battery died on the trip home from Belem and I'd not had a chance to replace it yet). She said it was almost 3 o'clock. That meant I'd been down under the power (carpet time) for about one and a half hours, and had been tangibly in the Lord's presence for about 2 and a half hours.
It was sure nice to have such a tangible and powerful encounter with God in church today. That is sort of what I'd been crying out for. Only, I don't want this as a Sunday-only encounter. I want to encounter God's tangible presence every day of the week! I am asking the Lord to teach me now to live in that place!
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