[The following is what I journaled during a prayer time when I asked God what He thought about my attempt to diet and to put my eating under His lordship. What He said to me was very surprising. I share it with you because He may want to say something similar to you...]LORD, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MY ATTEMPT TO BOTH DIET AND PUT MY EATING UNDER YOUR LORDSHIP?
Teresa, child of Mine, I am very pleased that you have started on this, but you have a very long journey ahead of you to get where you should be. If you had just left your eating under My lordship back when I asked you for it, then you would not be in this position. You have pushed this area more than you should and it has indeed effected your health-but I will give you a grace and I will restore your health as you endeavor to put you eating back under My lordship.
Teresa, I want to talk to you about why you walked away from My lordship in the first place. Child, you knew that I had asked you not to eat sugars and foods that convert quickly to sugar in your bloodstream. You were faithful to this for some time, but then you gave into this temptation here or started a "little exception" there. I gave you grace that these "exceptions" would not harm you because of your overall desire to give Me lordship in this area. But you presumed on My grace time and time again until it was lifted from you and you were trapped in the bondage of overeating and being overweight.
I gave you another grace about 4 years ago, when I gave you the words about getting in shape and put a grace on the body of Christ for that (including you personally). And, dear one, you did well for a season. You worked out at the gym and you controlled your eating carefully and you lost weight. But again, you depended on these things and not on Me. And the strategy you choose could not be maintained...injuries kept you from working out and then you lost your resolve on the special controlled diet. And you slowly, over time, fell back into the captivity that I had lifted you out of.
OUCH LORD. WHEN YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT...WELL, IT LOOKS PRETTY BAD FOR ME. MY FIRST REACTION IS THAT I AM IN TROUBLE WITH YOU--THEN MY NEXT THOUGH WAS THAT YOU WOULD HAVE GRACE/HELP FOR ME. WAS THAT YOUR SPIRIT SPEAKING TO ME, OR JUST MY OWN THOUGHTS?
Child, you know that I will always have grace and mercy for you, because that is My Method Of Operation with you. When has the strategy of coming to Me on My terms/conditions and throwing yourself on My mercy ever failed you? Don't fret, little one, it won't fail you now either.
I have been explaining why you fell into the place you are in. You have told yourself that your last weight gain was the result of a "food curse" chain letter that was passed on to you by your church email list. And while that curse did hit you, it could only land on you because of sin and rebellion in your own life/walk. If you had truly given Me lordship, as you say that you desire to do, then it would have had no power over you. All the same, I have come on your behalf and I am breaking that curse for you now, that it will have no future power over you for harm. It will no longer keep you in bondage.
But child, as you are sensing in your spirit, you have not really given me Lordship this time either...you are just looking for Me to help you loose weight because you have become disgusted with your body shape and size. Teresa, if you continue to lie to yourself in this, you may have success for a season; but you will eventually fall back into the same trap again.
Here is what I would like from you--I really want true lordship in this area of your life. I want you to give up your rights and preset notions about eating and food and fasting to Me, and I want you to let Me be in control. I have, at this time, given you both tools and a support group to assist you in this-but they will not be available to you forever. But I am always available to you, and you need to learn how to draw your victory and substance from Me in this area. I will indeed help and sustain you, dear child, but in order for Me to do so, there are some areas of your life and thinking that I want to address.
If you think I am rebuking you now, dear one, wait until you see what I will be saying to you as you submit to Me in this area. There is a stronghold that has been built in you, and I want to tear it down. It will not come down with pats on the back and empty encouragement; but by dealing with issues and coming into My truth and My light, and by letting Me expose and remove the darkness that has a stronghold in you. I know this sounds harsh, dear one, but you need My help in this and you need to be confronted by My truth. You will find that I will not rebuke you forever, just while I am tearing down this high place that you have built to the enemy in an area where I am supposed to have lordship.
And you will find, as you always do, that even My rebukes are warm and full of love when your heart is submitted to Me. Yes, dear one, I will meet you again and allow you to experience great depths of intimacy with Me as I help you and transform you in this area. In essence, I am offering to bathe and cleanse you as you come to Me.
What you carry and offer to Me is the diet strategy you have chosen-- you are calling "My Lordship" when it is not. This is repugnant to Me, because you are not really offering Me lordship at all. But you are not repugnant to Me, dear one, you are precious. I want to clean that filth off of you, and clean you up, that you might once again shine for Me. I have not disqualified you and I am not looking to punish you-but I am looking to do an inner transformation that will break bondages off of you and empower you to truly offer Me lordship in this area. And yes, I am willing help you reach your goal of being slim, trim and healthy again.
Don't be frightened little one, but I have taken this matter into My own hands and I have left you no choice but to submit to My will. I am now insisting that you truly give Me lordship in this. My Spirit will continue working on you until the work is completed--your only choice is how much you resist and drag this out. I am smiling as I say this to you, for My hand is upon you for good and not for harm. In the past, you entered into a covenant with My Spirit--that He would transform that which He does not like living with in you, and you would do your best to cooperate with Him in the process. My Holy Spirit is evoking that covenant with you now. The good news is that He is mighty, and He will help you to succeed. I am not leaving you without hope, nor am I giving you a reason to fear. I am bringing My light to expose your darkness, and to give you both hope and assuredness that I will bring you through this.
But dear one, you have been lying to yourself and you haven't really begun to give Me Lordship in this area. But now I require that from you...I demand it of you. Teresa, you have told My Son that He is Lord of every area of your life. Now it is time to truly give this area to Him (and to Me). If you will do this, dear one, I will reward you more than you can imagine. But if you resist this, you will find yourself stuck and not moving forward until you finally purpose in your heart to truly give this area to Me.
WOW, THAT IS HARSH LORD (ABOUT HOW I HAVE BEEN LYING TO MYSELF ABOUT GIVING YOU LORDSHIP).
Is it child? Or is it My love and mercy to reach down and snatch you out of bondage that you might enjoy the freedom and liberty that I desire for you?
LORD, I REALLY DO WANT TO GIVE YOU LORDSHIP IN THIS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE OF ME TO MAKE THIS A LIE IN YOUR EYES, BUT PLEASE HELP ME SO THAT I CAN TRULY GIVE THIS TO YOU.
You shall indeed have My help, daughter. But this time, My Lordship in your eating must not be for a season, but as a permanent thing. I will transform you in this--this type of transformation comes more slowly than you like, but it shall surely come in your life. In the meanwhile, do not fret the little baubles and setbacks that will happen along the way. For you have just entered into a covenant with Me of a sort, and I am faithful to walk it out.
Watch and see what I will do in you and through you as I bring My glory into your eating.