What Happens When We Die?

[This is part 7 of a vision described in lessons 6 to 12]

The Lord showed me that I still had unforgiveness in my heart towards someone who had hurt me and then had later died and gone to Heaven. I don't want to use her real name in the this write-up, so let's call her Rachel. As I became aware of the unforgiveness, part of me wanted to cite Rachel's offenses against me; they were still amazingly fresh in my mind. But when I looked at the expression on the Lord's face, I decided that would not be a very good idea. Then I realized that Rachel had been perfected and I hadn't been yet. If anyone was flawed and at fault at the moment, it was me and not her. That was a humbling thought.

I felt bad at this revelation, but the Lord wasn't done with me. I remembered all of the offenses that Rachel had committed against me, but I had viewed myself as almost blameless and as the victim in the relationship. I could see Jesus shaking His head in disagreement with my assessment. He said, "Here, let me show you what it was really like."

He began to replay some of the incidents in our relationship. It was like watching an image projected on a screen, except there was no projector and no screen, just the image. It showed something she did to wrong me. And before I could stop it, I had the thought, "See, Lord!" I wished I could take that thought back. I could see a look of displeasure on His face as He looked at me.

"Teresa, you are trying to justify your unforgiveness. My Father has commanded you to forgive others as freely as you want Him to forgive you. You are in direct and willful disobedience of His command here."

That cut to the quick. I felt terrible. I knew that willful disobedience was one of the worst sins in Heaven's eyes. And He was right--my spirit resonated with the truth of His words. I knew He was judging justly and I knew that there was no excuse for my attitude. I did not even try to justify myself again, I simply stood there with my head hung down and tears coming out of my eyes. I knew that He was going to somehow have mercy on me for this, but I felt awful at seeing myself as I really was.

"Yes, Teresa. You and many others lie to yourselves instead of seeing the truth. Now you are seeing the truth and you don't like it, do you?"

"No."

"Don't fret, I am going to fix it. But before I do, there is more truth that you must see. Are you willing?"

"Yes, Lord." I knew I wasn't going to like it, but I also knew it had to be done. I wanted this thing (unforgiveness) out of me, and I knew that He would be transforming me in this area before He was done, so I wanted to continue.

"Teresa, look at Me." I had my head down and I was afraid to make eye contact with the Lord. But when He commanded me to, I had to obey. The expression on His face was stern and I knew this unforgiveness I kept in my heart was a very serious thing. But at the same time, His eyes were full of love.

Then He said, "Yes, this is a serious thing, but it doesn't change My love for you. I knew this about you even when I was making you secure in My love for you a little while ago. And the Father knew it when He was loving on you and the Holy Spirit knew it when He was loving on you. Child, you are loved even in your sin, but now it is time be free of that sin. Are you ready to let Me show you more truth?"

"Yes, Lord."

I looked at the projected image again. It showed another scene from our relationship, and that time I was doing something bad to her. I had forgotten all about my part and my blame until the Lord reminded me of it. But yes, I had done just as much to hurt her as she had done to hurt me. The Lord showed me several more scenes. Some of them were her hurting me, often in response to me having done something to her. And several of them were me hurting her, again often in response to what she had done to me.

"So Teresa, tell Me what the truth is here."

"She wasn't all bad and I wasn't blameless. We were two immature children, each hurting the other and then responding to the hurt the other caused. We were equally at fault."

"Yes that is the truth. Knowing that, how do you feel now?"

I started to cry. I ran over to Rachel and hugged her and put my cheek on her shoulder. Between sobs I asked her to forgive me for the wrongs I'd done to her. I was truly sorry for them. Somewhere deep inside of me, I knew she had already forgiven me, but I felt like I needed to ask her anyhow. She put her arms around me and hugged me. We stayed there for a long time until I was ready to release the embrace.

Then she said, "Teresa, I have already been through what you are going through and I know how you feel right now. Please know that I have already forgiven you for your part in this and I have already repented for my part in it, and I have been forgiven and perfected in this area. So it is not for my sake, but for your sake, that I confess my wrongs to you in our relationship and ask you to forgive me."

Oh yes, I fully intended to forgive her. Since I was before the Lord's throne, the seat of all truth, I decided to double-check my heart to make sure that I was forgiving her completely and totally from to bottom of my heart. I made a startling discovery. I could not forgive her now because I had already forgiven her when I saw the replay of our lives. There was no unforgiveness left in me to release.

I looked at the Lord, who was still seated on His throne, and He was smiling at me. I was perfectly comfortable being near Rachel now, there was not any twinge of unforgiveness or hurt that was still there. It had all been exposed and dealt with.

Jesus stood up and said, "Come here, Teresa." I walked up to His and throne and knelt before Him. I think it would have been very easy to slip into worship then, but He had other plans. He reached out and took my hands and stood me up. I looked into His eyes and He was still smiling at me. Suddenly we were somewhere else and it was just Him and me. Then He said, "Teresa, this vision is almost over..."

"But Lord," I interrupted, "I haven't gotten to see my friends who have already died and gone to Heaven. I would really like to see my Dad. Don't I get reunited with them up here?"

"Yes, but not until after you have been perfected. Since you still have your physical body with its carnal nature, you can't be perfected yet, so you can't see them in this vision."

Then He looked at me and said, "Teresa, I have judged you in one area of unforgiveness and you are perfected in your relationship with Rachel. But this same unforgiveness is a theme in some of your other relationships. I want you to work with My Holy Spirit now to fix that so that I don't have to hold you accountable for it when you next stand before My judgment throne."

That was a tall order, and I realized just how seriously God takes His command for us to forgive. Quite frankly, I was not sure if I was even capable of obeying Him in this out of my own resources. So I found myself praying to the Holy Spirit, "Please help me with this!"

The vision was fading and I was becoming more and more aware of my physical surroundings, sitting on the sofa and one of my dogs was trying to let me know that he wanted some attention. For a brief period of time, I was aware of both environments, the Heavenly one I had just left and the earthly on that I lived in.

The Lord ended this vision by speaking two things strongly into my spirit as the vision continued to fade. He said, "Teresa, know that you are loved. And you do not have to be afraid when I call you to lay down your life for Me, for I have already shown you what it will be like when you die."