Prayer-School Course #3

Team Ministry

CHARACTERISTICS OF HEALTHY VERSUS SICK TEAMS

Lets look at some of the differences between a healthy and an unhealthy team dynamic. The following list is from a book entitled "Team Leadership in Christian Ministry" by Kenneth Gangel:

1. Healthy

   All the members speak up about what they think.

   Sick

   A few members do all the talking.

2. Healthy

   Decisions are worked through until a general consensus of agreement is reached.

   Sick

   Most members mumble assent.

3. Healthy

   Well informed members contribute ideas in the area of their competence.

   Sick

   Competent people sit silently by.

4. Healthy

   A members value is judged by the merit of his idea.

   Sick

   New people with good ideas are not listened to.

5. Healthy

   The whole team handles questions that concern the whole team.

   Sick

   Decision making is quickly referred to committees.

6. Healthy

   Major issues get major time.

   Sick

   Minor issues consume the major time.

7. Healthy

   Minor issues are settled with the attention they deserve.

   Sick

   Major issues are passed over.

8. Healthy

   Decisions reached by thorough participation are final and satisfactory.

   Sick

   The same subjects, supposedly settled, keep coming up again.

9. Healthy

   Team members really understand one another's ideas, plans, and proposals.

   Sick

   Quick judgments are passed on issues people do not understand.

10. Healthy

    Members objectively center interest on goals and tasks.

    Sick

    Members subjectively talk about people in scapegoating fashion.

11. Healthy

    The team carries forward in the performance of tasks and the achievement of goals.

    Sick

    The team accomplishes little in the absence of its chairperson.

12. Healthy

    The team works goal wise towards change.

    Sick

    The team is afraid to change.

13. Healthy

    Rewards and criticism are shared.

    Sick

    Rewards and criticism are concentrated on a few.

14. Healthy

    Search for help from all sources is continuous.

    Sick

    No resources outside the team are drawn upon.

15. Healthy

    Information is fed back into the team.

    Sick

    Little is told to the team.

16. Healthy

    The worth of each person is respected.

    Sick

    The person is squelched in his expression and stunted in his growth.

17. Healthy

    Action is God related.

    Sick

    Action is self-centered.

Problem Team Members And Resolving Conflict

Every team will have conflicts because teams are made up of imperfect people. This is just a fact of life... conflicts will arise. The secret is not to avoid conflicts, but to set up a system where conflicts can be successfully resolved in a win-win manner, e.g, the conflict is resolved in a manner that works for all members of the team and so that good will and relationship is maintained between all team members.

All the same, there are certain problem personalities you have to be aware of and watch out for. We will discuss them shortly, but first I thought you might enjoy this article I saw in a Leadership Magazine some time back...

You know it is a bad meeting when...

• The neighbors hear about it on the police scanner
• Members show up clutching copies of a book on spiritual abuse
• When a team member rises to his feet and says, "I can no longer remain silent"
• When Prime Time and the TV crew are there to film it
• When a loyal supporter presses a can of mace into your hand
• When people begin referring to you as their "former" team leader

Now, let's discuss the problem personality types. The following list gives a good overview of them. It is is from Les Parrott's book, "High Maintenance Relationships"

Critic

Complains; frequently gives unwanted advice.

Martyr

Forever the victim; wallows in self pity. Their favorite song is "Must Jesus bear the cross alone." They want to show you their scars and tell you about the hard journey.

Wet Blanket

Pessimistic and negative. They can find a problem in every solution, but have no solutions to offer.

Steam Roller

Blindly insensitive to others. Kills others and doesn't even realize it. They are like a "bull in a china shop".

Gossip

Spread rumors and leak secrets. Their spiritual gift is the "gift of Gossip".

Controller

Unable to let go. The feel that if they let something out of their hands (control), it means that it will be doomed.

Back Stabber

Two faced.

Cold Shoulder

Avoids contact. They 'stiff arm' attempts of others to build a relationship with them.

Green Eyed Monster

Filled with envy.

Volcano

Builds steam and is ready to erupt...you never know when it will blow.

Sponge

Always in need. Extra Grace Required (EGR) They will suck you dry. They don't want an hour but a retreat with you.

Competitor

Always keeps track. Has a memory that never forgets, and often reminds people of these things.

Work horse

Always pushes and is never satisfied. Guilt on self and others.

Camellia

Eager to please and avoids conflict. Has a tendency always to vote or side with the team leader or the majority. This person is like a rubber stamp and is not willing to stand for what he or she strongly believes in.

Complainers

Find dust on the streets of gold. Eternity is just too long for them. Nothing satisfies them.. they always have something to complain about.

Politicians

They have their own agenda. They are not in the flow of the Spirit.

Let me add 4 more to this list...

1. Ability to see only one side of the issue. They are like a horse with blinders. They can only see in the direction they are headed.

2. An emotional fixation on some issue or side issue. Common sense is tossed aside as they are living in their emotions.

3. Nonparticipation in the discussion. They may have a heart of gold and a head full of wonderful ideas, but if they never open their mouth the team is not helped.

4. A tendency to monopolize the conversation. This is the opposite of number 3. This causes negative feelings in the team even if what they are saying is valid. Team leader needs to take this in hand.

Most of the time conflict comes as a result of relationship issues. In other words, conflict happens because we are people. Human nature is alive and well. Many people have their own hurts, their own needs and their own set of problems. Unfortunately, this "baggage" sometimes surfaces when these people are working together in a team, and can keep the team from being effective.

Keep your eye out for the ones who tend to cause the problems.. here is a simple guideline:

The Law of Conflict Factor:
If Bill and Sue cause a problem, and
Bill and Bob cause a problem, and
Bill and Jan cause a problem, and
Bill and Sam cause a problem, then
Bill is quite likely the real problem.

Here are some observations about conflict:

1. Conflict is Unavoidable. You will always have it. Never conflict free.

2. Confrontation is Difficult

   It is not fun. That is why we avoid it. If you like it you need therapy.

   There are some real fears people face when they consider confronting someone they have a real issue with:

   a. Fear of being disliked
   b. Fear of being misunderstood
   c. Fear of rejection.......
   d. Fear of making things worse
   e. Not used to sharing your feelings
   f. Lack of confrontation skills.

   Do you know what Paul's secret of success was? It was that he didn't have to survive. Look at him in Acts 20; he is about to board a ship for a journey that may well bring him suffering or even death. At the end of the chapter, we see Paul weeping with Elders. Yet he says "I count not my life dear because of Jesus Christ. I am leaving to die." What can you do to Paul? Jail, stones. It is all the same to him, because he has laid down his life (his agenda, his desires, etc) for Christ..

   We often feel we "have to survive". We want Easter without the Good Friday. It would be better to lay aside our need and embrace the needs of God and His kingdom. Then we won't be afraid of rejection.. we will be settled within ourselves to do Gods will. We are not arrogant or cocky with this attitude, merely resolved.

3. How we handle conflict determines our success

   There are right ways and wrong ways to handle conflict. First, let's take a look at the wrong ways to handle it.. with the GOAL of not using these strategies...

   Wrong ways to handle Conflict

   1. Winner takes all........the shoot out at the OK corral
   2. Walk away from it.....peace at any price. Avoid it
   3. Ignoring its importance......Head in the sand
   4. Wade around it...Tip toe through the Tulips. Procrastinate
   5. White flag it......Just give in
   6. Use your position.....Pulling Rank
   7. Blame others
   8. Hire a hit man....Tithes will increase, lots of volunteer support

   Right ways to handle Conflict

   1. Understand goals of Confrontation
      1. Better understanding.
      2. Positive change on both sides. "Successful confrontation usually changes both people, not just one" -- John Maxwell
      3. Growing relationship

   2. Meet together as soon as possible.
      "Don't let the sun go down on your wrath..." Of course we want to avoid it, run from it, ignore it, put it off, rationalize it away. But conflict will increase in stages and get worse. The sooner it is dealt with the greater chance you have of bringing peace.

   3. Outline the issue
      Share What you perceive they are doing to cause the issue, how this makes you feel, why this is important to you and address this question: What are we going to do to fix it?

      Remember:
      50 percent don't realize that there is a problem
      30 Percent realize there is a problem but don't know how to solve it
      20 Percent realize there is a problem but don't want to solve it

   4. Speak the truth in love and Gentleness

      Unsolvable conflicts are almost always because of a wrong attitude... not because of the issue.

      Here are three attitudes that play in addressing seemingly unresolvable conflicts:

      Hiders

      They don't share the truth.

      Hurlers

      They share the truth, but not in love. They are rather like tossing a grenade into the midst of the situation..

      Healers

      They share the truth in love.

      Be a healer when you have to confront someone about a situation.

   5. Write down the desired action to be taken

      Define an Action plan:

      The issue...what is it, describe it.
      Agreement to solve the issue
      An accountability structure to deal with the issue
      A time line to revisit the issue
      A commitment by both to put the issue in the past once it is solved.

      Do's and Don'ts...

      Do agree on a time and place to talk it out.
      Don't catch the other person off guard
      Do assertively, honestly express your feelings
      Don't suppress your feelings
      Do: When something goes wrong, search for a solution.
      Don't: When something goes wrong, find someone to blame
      Do Be open and available
      Don't be silent and superior
      Do affirm your responsibility
      Don't blame someone else
      Do: When problems arise, work them out
      Don't: When problems arrive, walk out
      Do listen, wait and learn
      Don't presume, assume and dominate

[Please Note:

This is intended as a discussion series. Please feel free to send your discussion (comments or questions) to prayer-school@godspeak.net. We will have online discussion each week, MC'd by Cliff Murray, the author of this series. These discussions will NOT be put on the course WWW page.]