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I have a godly inheritance--my grandmother was a female pastor and her uncle was a bishop--and I feel the call of God on my own life as a prophetess and missionary. Unfortunately, not all of my inheritance is godly. My grandfather committed suicide by jumping in front of a train, my father is involved psychic practices, and my mother is a Jehovah Witness. My current living conditions are very difficult--I am living with my parents and adult sister and a nephew. My mother curses and drinks a lot and there is frequent gambling in the house. Loud rap or rock music is blasting all the time, making it difficult to study the Bible or pray.
Each time I respond positively to God's call on my life, all Hell seems to break loose in my life. Let me give you some examples. My first husband had two children with his mistress after I was declared barren. I remarried ten years later, but we have been separated for over six years. My relationship with my father is awful, he despises me, and says I am just like his mother. I seem to be the family scapegoat and I get blamed for whatever goes wrong in the family. I have also had all sorts of health problems, which have left me declared medically disabled and financially destitute. I have had two strokes, brain surgery, and I seem to have one sickness after another with no medical explanation. My hair, finger nails, toe nails, and lashes all fell out--they have grown back in, but it took over two years of constant prayer. But now my teeth are exploding in my mouth and falling out.
I can't afford a doctor or dentist and this is very discouraging for me. In fact it has been so discouraging that I have considered suicide many times when I feel severely depressed. Of course, I would not actually do it, my life belongs to God. But it scares me to find myself thinking about it and to remember that my grandfather killed himself. I have had many demonic encounters in my life, but none within the last eight or more months.
I really need God to help me with this and give me a breakthrough.- Severely Afflicted
Dear Severely Afflicted
Sorry for your difficulties. What it sounds like to me is that you are in need of inner healing and the Lord's highest priority is to heal your heart from the pains of the past. That will involve things like an impartation of the peace that passes all understanding from Him as well as God walking you through forgiving those who have hurt you (both ex-husbands, the mistress of your first ex-husband, your father, your grandfather who committed suicide, your mother, etc).
My guess is that you think you have already forgiven them because it is obvious that honoring God is very important to you. But the Bible teaches us to forgive from the bottom of our heart, which means the pain and "yucky feeling" we have towards that person or what they did to us won't resurface when we think about them or get exposed to them, etc. That type of forgiveness usually requires a supernatural impartation from the Holy Spirit (who is willing to help) as well as Him walking us step by step through some stuff. The good news is that God is more than willing and able to assist you.
It will not be instant, He usually walks us through a process. But He is good and competent, and we often start to feel improvement and hope springing up very quickly once we surrender to Him in this process. It helps to realize that His goal is for us to be whole and healthy (emotionally, physically and spiritually) and that He is working towards that goal as He gets us to remember/relive past hurts and put them at the feet of the cross. Then the blood/power of Jesus begin to work on our behalf in that situation until it has no more power to hurt us.
I believe the majority of the "medically unexplainable" health problems you describe are your body reacting to the horrible stress that your emotional trauma has put on it. As God's healing comes to your heart, then your body will strengthen. There may be a need for physical healing prayer, but God will want to do the inner healing first so that your body is strong enough to sustain any physical healing He releases.
The demonic is something that will probably have to be dealt with at some point by receiving deliverance ministry and authority prayer for generational spirits. But much of the demonic oppression (depression and suicidal thoughts) will probably fall away on it's own God does inner healing in your heart. There is a saying that seems to apply. "Demons are like rats, they swarm around garbage. Get rid of the garbage and they have nothing to feed on and they go away." That is an oversimplification, because we do need authority prayer to get rid of generational spirits, soul ties and various other demonic attachments. However, as we remove the garbage (emotional pain, unforgiveness, etc) the strength of the demon's hold over us to torment us goes way down as the Holy Spirit gets us emotionally healthy and empowers us to truly release forgiveness.
As a believer, you do have authority to command demons to leave in Jesus' name. That authority is somewhat under-minded by any unforgiveness towards those who hurt you deeply, but it is probably still strong enough to command the spirit of suicide to leave when he begins to torment you. Simply command "Spirit of suicide, I command you to leave in Jesus name and take your evil thoughts with you." Then ask the Holy Spirit to fill your mind His thoughts.
It may also help to do what I call a "truth encounter," to fight the lies of the devil with God's truth. Write down some encouraging Scripture, such as Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" You can start reading those verses you wrote down when the demon tries to fill your mind with it's bad thoughts, countering the lies of the enemy with truth from God's word.
Again, I believe the Lord's heart for you right now is to bind up the emotional wounds and break the power of any torment the past has over you to cause you anguish. God wants to walk you through that process of infusing you with His supernatural peace and love and with empowering you to truly forgive from the bottom of your heart. As soon as He begins to do this, you will being to see little victories here/there. As His work in you increases, you will see more and more victory until you are living in that place of victory and overcoming.