It was after 2:00 AM when I went to sleep. I planned to sleep in, but I was awakened at 7:45 AM by my cell phone ringing. I jumped out of bed to look for it, but I had trouble finding it. I did not find the cell phone until it had stopped ringing. I figured the call must be important because it was very early for a Saturday morning. So I tried to call the number back, but it was constantly a busy signal. I guess it must have been one of those autodial calls from a telemarketer. It seemed annoying that a telemarketer would call before 8:00 AM on a Saturday morning.
By then I was awake, even though I did not want to be. I threw on something presentable and stumbled down to the dining room to get a cup of coffee. I planned to take it back to my room, but one of the ladies I'd sort of made friends with was sitting at a table and motioned me over to join her. I wasn't really awake yet, so I did not think to check in with God about whether or not to join her, I just did it.
Two tables were pushed close together, and her husband was sitting beside her at the next table. She introduced me and we started talking. The husband seemed to be one of those "know it alls" who seemed to lecture (or preach) at you instead of talking to you. He also seemed to be trying to impress me and present himself as someone very important. I was not really comfortable with the discussion. It almost felt like a confrontation, and I had an inner urge to respond in type and start listing my own accomplishments and qualifications. I had to resist that urge.
I was feeling a strong yearning to get with God (after all, the days were my retreat time with Him). I also started looking for a polite way to excuse myself, but that was not as easy as I expected. I tried subtly excusing myself a few times, and that did not seem to work. I finally had to be blunt and cut the husband off mid-sentence and explain that I was on a personal retreat and needed to go spend some time with God.
I walked away feeling almost "dirty" from the encounter. I asked the Lord what had happened--was He bringing up something in me that needed His refinement? I suspected the day was going to be dedicated to searching my heart with God and letting Him deal dealing with some of my issues. I figured that "encounter" had been a setup from God to expose something in me the Lord wanted to work on.
Then God spoke to me about it. "That encounter was NOT from Me."
"You mean You are not exposing something in me that You want to work on?"
"Not today. That is not My agenda for you. In fact, if you had asked Me before you sat down, I would have told you to just go back to your room. Teresa, why didn't you ask Me?"
Ouch, I started my day by NOT being spirit-led. God explained that the entire unpleasant situation happened because I was not looking to Him for direction but just stumbling through my day. He went on to explain that I must not assume that everything that comes my way is a divine appointment. I need to look to see what the Father is doing at the moment, and I need to be Spirit-led.
SATURDAY AFTERNOON GOD-TIME
I went back to my room and asked the Lord what He wanted to do. He told me to lay down on the bed and just pray a bit. I tried to do that, but I quickly fell asleep and I slept in until 1:30 PM. When I woke up, I felt very refreshed and rested. but I also felt bad that I'd fallen asleep on the Lord. I hoped that He did not think that was disrespectful or anything. I began to apologize to Him about that, but He stopped me.
"Teresa, I put you to sleep because I wanted you rested so that you could hear Me more clearly. Now I have a few things I wanted to tell you."
God went on to explain that each member of the Trinity had chosen a day to orchestrate for me on this retreat. Thursday (including my amazing vision where God put an engagement ring on my finger) was from the Holy Spirit. Friday (where God sent me the flowers) was from Jesus and today was the Father's day with Me. As a loving Father, God wanted to give me some rest that He felt I badly needed.
Then the Father reminded me of the verse where Jesus said that we would no longer have to ask Jesus for things, but we could go straight to the Father and ask Him. Then He said, "Ok, Teresa, what would you like to ask Me for?"
I started trying to strain my brain to figure out what I most wanted from the Lord, because I was pretty sure that God was going to say "Yes" to whatever I requested. I puzzled over it for a little while, because I wanted to choose the request that I felt was most important to me.
God interrupted my thoughts, and said, "Teresa, you have got this wrong. You don't need to chose a single thing to ask Me. Ask Me for everything you want, not just for one thing."
Whoa! Did God really mean that? I started with household salvation, and He interrupted Me. "I have already promised you that, so you don't need to ask for it. Assume that I really mean it when I make you a promise, and ask Me for things that I haven't already promised to you."
My request list suddenly got a lot shorter. Almost everything that I wanted to ask Him for were things He'd already promised to me. I realized that even in the midst of God's kindness to me, He was teaching me an important lesson. That seemed so much like something He would do. The lesson was that He is trustworthy and faithful and will keep all of His promises to me. However, I am not as good at trusting Him in that area as I need to be.
I did manage to get several requests in (some of which were a bit selfish in nature, like asking God for financial security for my family). I spent some time wracking my brain of everything I wanted to ask God for and I finally ran out of things to ask Him. To my amazement, God had said "yes" to each one of my requests. And while I was asking Him for things, I had this sensation as if I was wrapped in His arms, and He was hugging me like a father hugs a small child. The sense of His love and His nearness was overwhelming and totally wonderful.
I just soaked in His love for a bit, and then I felt this request rising up in my belly. "Daddy," I said, "Can I ask You for one more thing?"
"Yes, darling."
"Ok, I want to be better at seeing what You are doing, and being more empowered to do it with You. I also want to be better at hearing Your your voice so that I only say what you are saying."
"Do you really mean that, little one?"
"Oh, yes!"
"Ok. I will increase both your seeing and your hearing, and I will let you do more things with Me. I will send an angel to anoint your eyes and your ears."
I got a strong impression that the angel would come when I was at the revival service. I assumed that he would do both things at the same time, but I was wrong. I thought about what God had said to me for a bit and I think my mind wandered to some other things.
Suddenly I became aware of the fact that my sense of God's presence in the room was not nearly as strong as it had been. I became concerned that maybe I'd offended God by letting my mind wander and I began to apologize to Him. Then He spoke to me in that still-small voice.
"Don't fret, little one. I am not offended by you. I simply finished what I wanted to do, and I was giving you some 'free time before you have to leave for the meeting.'"
I looked at the clock and it was 2:30 PM. I planned to leave at 3:00 so I could go help get the auditorium ready. (A small group of volunteers came around 3:30 to help straighten the chairs and vacuum and pick up litter and anything else that needed to be done. I had felt so blessed by the renewal that I wanted to go serve and help them get the building ready for the evening meeting.)
As usual for this trip, God's timing was perfect. I had exactly the right amount of time to do everything I needed to do before I left without rushing, but no extra time. I packed a few snacks for the meeting, got dressed and ate a meal. Then it was time to leave.
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