The Warfare (Night of June 30 to Morning of July 1)
The meeting itself was wonderful, but there was really strong spiritual warfare against all three of us after it was over. Jim had gall stones shortly before he left for this trip, and he has been unable to eat much of anything. He felt so weak and spent that he could hardly function. Someone with "rejection issues" had set behind Dianne, and she prophetically picked that up and struggled with it for a while after the meeting was over. None of the three of us could sleep that night. Jim was able to commune with the Lord, but both Dianne and I felt this "invisible barrier" that we just could not break through. None of us knew the other was experiencing sleeplessness until we discussed it the next day. We all assumed we were the only one who was up all night.
I went to the computer room and played some computer bridge and cried out to God. I could not figure out what had happened because He had been on me so strongly at the meeting. I did not think I'd done anything since the meeting to grieve or upset Him, so I could not figure out why the heavens felt like brass to me. I tried several things that usually help me enter into His presence: worship music, reading scripture, crying out to God. Nothing.
I asked Him to show me what I'd done wrong or what attitude I needed to repent of. I told Him that I did not care what He required of me, I would do whatever He asked--I just wanted to be back in intimacy with Him again. Still nothing.
Then this little voice told me that I might never sense that wonderful intimacy with God again. (We all know who that voice belongs to, don't we? The enemy of our souls likes to torment us any time he gets the chance. But at that moment, I did not recoginze it as the enemy's voice.)
I tearfully told the Lord that I am still willing to lay down my life for Him even if I never feel that wonderful sense of intimacy with Him again. I told Him it would be a lot harder to do without the sense of His nearness, but I would somehow manage, because I loved Him so much.
Right then I had a sense that God's heart was breaking, but He still was not speaking to me. That sense made me feel even worse, because I wanted to cause Him pleasure, not pain. I could not figure out what I was doing wrong. I wanted to fix it, but I did not know how. I had a frustrating few hours. I had work up about 1:00 AM and I finally fell back asleep about 6:00 AM.
I woke up again at 8:00 AM. We had to leave for church at 8:40, so that did not give me a lot of time. I started wondering if I should wake up Jim and Dianne, but I did not have to wonder for long, because Jim came out of the guest room and said "Good morning."
We had a bit of a rush to get to church, and I accidentally left the dogs in the area with the swimming pool. I realized that about half way into the drive to church. I tried to call my husband, but there is not a phone in the bedroom and he was still asleep. So I had to go back home and let the dogs out of that area, making us 15 minutes late for church. I knew Jim wanted to be there for all of the worship, so I felt really bad about that.
We have two services on Sunday. One is at 9:30 and it is sort of an abbreviated service with less worship and a shorter message. The other starts at 11:00 AM and has a more extended worship time. The first service was very good. The instant worship started, I could feed God's presence all over me and it felt so good.
(There is a worship angel who usually stands on the right side of the front. I assumed the worship angel had come over to me and laid its hands on me and that was why I could enter so quickly into God's presence. But God whispered, "No dear, that is not the case. Remember last night I assigned a ministry angel to you? He not only ministers through you to others, at times he will also minister My presence to you. That is what is happening right now." Then a stronger sense of His presence washed over me and I was lost in Him.)
The Lightenings of God (Jul 1, Second Morning Service)
The first service had been good and it really primed me for the second service. The second service has an extended worship time, and it is very common for God's manifest presence to join us during worship. I was really primed to enter into His presence. But a lady on my right was clapping her hands really loud and not in time to the music. I knew that God was really enjoying her heartfelt worship, but it was very distracting to me. I did not want to miss pressing into God myself, so I decided to move away from her. A lot of people were standing in the space between the front row and the platform, worshipping. So I walked over to a spot that was a little distance from her, and I began to worship.
God met me so strongly. I got lost in Him for a while and I was aware of nothing but His presence, His nearness and His love. I felt like He was filling me up and I got fuller and fuller. I had my arms stretched out on both sides, with my arms parallel to the floor. My wrists were flexed so that my palms were pointed at the walls on both sides of the room. Suddenly the Spirit came on me and I found myself twisting from the waist, rotating from left to right and back again. I don't think I've ever been in that position before, but God seemed to be doing it and I was just flowing with Him.
Suddenly I was in this open vision. I could still see the church and the people surrounding me. But I could also see a stream of water shooting out of the palms of both hands. It looked a lot like those sprinklers at parks and baseball fields that shoot a stream of water into the air and rotate so that the whole grass area is watered. A stream of water was shooting out of my palms as I rotated from side to side. It was something I'd never experienced before.
God told me to watch what was happening. I noticed the people around me. As my palm rotated towards them, they would react as if they were just hit by a wave of God's presence. I am not sure if I was seeing the people's reactions in real in life (e.g., if they really had the physical manifestations I saw) of it I was seeing in the spirit. But in this vision, the water was spraying out from my hands and hitting them, and they would react as if a wave of the presence of God had just hit them. That lasted for about ten minutes. God's presence was still on me strongly, and after a while, I closed my eyes and got lost in Him. I could still feeling the water shooting out of my hands but I did not understand it.
My hands started to get very hot. God told me to open my eyes and look. I did. The water that had been shooting out of my hands changed to fire. It looked like a stream of fire was shooting out of them. I had a sense of God's holiness and of His power. That made me assume that the fire shooting out of my hands represented the holiness and power of God. That was sort of neat.
That went on for a while, and then it changed again. It seemed like lightening was shooting out of my hands. Then God told me, "This is the lightening of God."
I had a sense that each time the thing shoot out of my hands changed, it was more important that what had been shooting out earlier. First God released his refreshment (the water and the father's love). That prepares our hearts to respond to greater measures of His holiness and His power (the fire). And that somehow prepares us for the lightenings of God. But I was not sure what the lightenings were. I wondered if maybe they were the judgments of God, but I wasn't sure.
I asked Jim about it after service. I said, "Jim, does the phrase 'lightenings of God' mean anything to you." He said that refers to the breakthrough of God over territorial spirits and principalities. It is the power of God to break the yoke of the oppression of the enemy. Then Jim said that the lightenings of God were present in the meeting that morning. Then Dianne said that she kept seeing flashes of light during the worship at the second service. Jim said that was the lightening of God that she saw. I thought it was neat that both Jim and Dianne saw the lightening that I saw in my vision.
I think that God was showing me what He was doing in the conference: first the refreshing, then the call to a deeper level of obedience so we could move in a greater level of His power and victory in our lives. Finally He released the anointing to break the yoke of the enemy off of the oppressed so that we can see revival come to our area and so the lost can be won to the Lord.
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