I had been looking forward to our monthly Friday night worship service for some time. We call this "station break" and it is usually 2 or 3 hours of worship and sometimes we have some prayer mixed in. There is no offering, no announcements, no sermon -- It is all about seeking the Lord and experiencing His nearness. I love to worship and come into God's presence, so this type of service really appeals to me.
But this Friday was even more special because of a guest from Mozambique named Felito Utuie. He is one of those people God is using very powerfully in the revival there to go out into the bush and save Muslims through healing the sick and preaching the gospel. This year alone, Felito has personally led over 8,000 Muslims to the Lord, planted over 100 churches and seen thousands of miraculous healings: blind eyes open, deaf ears hearing, crippled people walking, etc. And this man was going to pray for us to receive an impartation of the same anointing he moves in.
(Felito was also scheduled to preach at our service on Sunday. But we had been told that if we want impartation we had to come Friday night, because that was the only time Felito was going to pray impartation. Sunday he would focus on praying for the sick, not on impartation.) Of course, almost everyone in the church (myself included) wanted to receive this type of impartation, so we all showed up Friday night as did several guests from other churches.
I really wanted this impartation. I have felt that cancer is public enemy number one for some time now and I have been having this desire and yearning to have authority over it so that everyone I prayed for with cancer is healed. I have seen God heal some people with cancer who I pray for, but the truth is that more people don't get healed than do get healed. I am very motivated to see that change. I want a stronger healing anointing in general, but I especially want more authority over cancer. So I was motivated to be at the impartation service and I sincerely expected/hoped that God would give me that authority over cancer.
The worship went from 7:30 PM until about 9:15 PM and it was great. God's presence was very strong in the room. About 9:15, our pastor got up and introduced Felito, sharing how they met and what type of anointing Felito moves in. After about a 15 minute introduction, he brought up Felito and gave him the microphone.
I am not sure what I expected Felito to say before he started praying, but what he said caught me by surprise. He talked about healing anointing and how God would impart it tonight to anyone who was really hungry for it. He sort of equated "really hungry" to being desperate for it. Yes, I wanted it, but was I desperate for it? Did I qualify for this impartation, did I meet the criteria? I already moved in healing to some noticable degree and I wanted to move in it more strongly than I did. But was I really "hungry" the way that Felito defined hungry?
I did not think so and I had this sudden alarm go through me that maybe I might get passed by because I was not hungry enough. So I did the only logical thing -- I prayed for God to increase my hunger. God answered my prayer, but that really wasn't what I wanted or expected. I guess I expected some instantaneous transformation inside of me to make me hungry enough to qualify for the impartation that night. Then I expected to receive the impartation shortly after that so I would not have to be hungry very long.
Felito called for anyone who was hungry to come up to the front for prayer. Of course, pretty much the whole room went up. Felito prayed for about 1/4 of the room before he got to me. I used that time to try and convince God that I was "hungry" enough to receive. When I first came to the meeting, I had simply assumed I would receive an impartation. But now I realized the impartation was conditional and I might not meet the conditions. I did not like the idea of being passed by. So I did my best to try and get a heart and attitude before God that would make Him want to impart into me as well.
After some unknown period of time, I felt a touch on my shoulder from behind. It was Felito starting to pray for me. He stood behind me and laid his hand on my shoulder. I desperately wanted God to impart that healing anointing into me. I tried to be as open to receive as possible. When Felito had been praying for those around me, I overheard him say things like "Lord, impart into my brother," or "Release the gift of healing with signs and wonders." When he got to me, all he prayed was for God's fire to come into my life. I know the words of the prayer are not that important in impartation, but I had hoped he would say something about healing or use the word "impartation." Neither of those things happened.
Felito prayed for me for maybe 3 or 4 minutes, longer than people usually pray for impartation. I really appreciated him spending so much time with me and felt he was definitely someone who ministers in love. But I also had a sense of disappointment because I could not feel God touching me and I could not feel any impartation going into me. I silently reminded myself that when I pray impartation for others I tell them that they don't need to feel anything to receive an impartation. True, I wasn't feeling anything, but that did not mean I was not receiving anything from God through Felito.
Felito began to pray for the person standing next to me, and the fire of God hit him noticeably. He is not usually prone to a lot of manifestations, but he began crying out loudly as the fire when through him and his body began to crunch as though great power was surging through it. Felito also prophesied to him about him being a Joshua that God would raise up and use mightily, and about how God was going to open his eyes to see things in the spirit. I could tell that God was touching him in a mighty way. Part of me was very happy for him. But another part of me was crying out, "But God, what about me!?"
I wanted a powerful touch from God, I wanted an impartation and I was not getting either. I felt very frustrated by that. I began doing my best in silent prayer to ask God to please impart into me as well. I tried so hard to convince Him. I had come to the meeting expecting a touch from God and I was not getting it, even though others appeared to be getting it. I did not go as far as thinking that this was not fair, but I really was not very happy about being passed by.
God whispered something to me that I did not really like. He said, "Teresa, you asked Me to make you hungry, and that is just precisely I am doing. I am just answering your prayer." The problem was that I did not really mean the prayer I had prayed -- the one God answered. What I really meant was "God touch me and impart into me... NOW!" I did not like being hungry, I really wanted to be filled. The problem with being hungry is that if you are filled then you are not hungry any more. So in praying for God to make me hungry, I was actually asking God to not meet/fill me right at that moment. And He was answering that prayer -- sigh.
About then one of the ladies who was standing right behind me began screaming at the top of her lungs. She started with worship phrases like "God You are so powerful." But the way she said them did not sound worshipful at all. I am used to people sometimes screaming things out when the power of God first hits them, but it usually only lasts a minute or two. However, this lady went on for a very long time. In fact, she screamed so loud that I could not pray and could not hear my own thoughts, and she never seemed to pause for breath. The tone of voice she used did not sound worshipful to me. It reminded me of the passage in the gospels about some demons screaming out to Jesus, "I know You, You are the Son of God." Even though the demon's words had been worshipful, they were not uttered from a heart of worship. That was just what this lady's screaming sounded like to me.
In the passage, Jesus had commanded the demons to be quite and to come out. I began to wish she would be quite as well. After about five minutes, her screaming began to bother me so much I moved to another part of the altar area, further away from her. But she was just as distracting there as she had been when she was directly behind me. She was pretty loud and I could not concentrate on God. I started feeling annoyed and I wished someone would go quiet her down or move her out of the altar area or something.
After another five minutes I was so annoyed that I did not feel at all spiritual any more. I decided to leave because the noise was just too distracting. Besides, God did not seem to be meeting me anyhow. I grabbed my purse and bible and started towards the back of the room where the exit was. But as I began to move away from the noisy lady, I glanced over at the other side of the altar area where Felito was still praying for people. It appeared that many of them were being touched powerfully. I wanted God's touch so much! So I decided not to leave in case God might touch me later in the meeting. I moved to the back of the auditorium and sat down and tried to pray some more. But even way back there, the screaming was still very distracting.
I gave up on seeking God's presence and I began asking Him what was going on with this lady's continued screaming. She wasn't praising God any more, she was rebuking demons and commanding them to leave and making some pleas to God for help. I know her and that is not typical behavior for her. So I began asking God to show me if she was reacting in the flesh or if a demon was manifesting through her or if God had done something inside of her to set her free from something or what?
Finally she quited down after about 15 minutes, then she left the service shortly after that. I decided to go back to the alter area and knelt down in an uncrowded part of it. I began asking God to touch me like He was touching others -- I felt very desparate for His touch. I continued to remind Him about how badly I wanted an increased healing anointing.
After a whle, I stopped crying out to God for a touch and just started to worship Him a bit. As I did, I could feel a light sense of His presence surround me. That was not the touch I had initially hoped for, but it was still nice. So I worshipped for a while.
Somewhere in there, Rodney took the microphone and asked for anyone who had not already received prayer to come up now so Felito could pray for them. about 10 people came up. I sort of ignored them because I was focusing on worshipping God. But after a while I felt a surge of power near me and I opened my eyes to see what it was. Some people who lined up for prayer were standing right next to where I was kneeling. Felito was praying for the man nearest me.
I sort of hoped he move from him to me and pray for me again. I reminded God that I would really like an impartation of the healing anointing, just in case He'd forgotten. But Felito moved the other direction and I knew I was not going to get any more prayer.
Even though it was a good evening, I left feeling a bit frustrated and disappointed because I had not gotten the touch or impartation I wanted from the Lord. As I drove home, I asked Him why He passed me by. Had I done something that I needed to repent of, did I have a bad attitude or wrong motivation, or what?
God explained once again He simply made me hungry in response to my prayer. I had asked God to make me hungry and He had, but I did not like how it felt. The next morning God had me sit down and write a prophetic word that discussed spiritual hunger. (It is a bit long, but I am enclosing it at the end of this testimony in case you are interested in reading it.) The word definitely made me feel better about Friday night. But God had some other good things in store for me that I did not know about.
Sunday Morning
Felito preached at our church Sunday morning. I had a friend from Florida that has lung cancer and had hoped to fly out to our church so he could pray for her. But she became too sick to travel, so we arranged to bring a cell phone and call her during ministry time so Felito could pray for her.
Felito preached about faith, and that God is raising up "believing believers" -- ones through whom He can do the same works that Jesus did. It was a great sermon. When he ended it, then he had a word of knowledge for healing. That word was for people who were having problems breathing. My friend from Florida with lung cancer fit that word, so I stood up and raised my hand, holding my cell phone in it. My pastor told me "Not now, Teresa, have him pray for your friend in Florida during the open ministry time." So I said, "The word of knowledge Felito gave describes my friend's condition to a tee -- she has lung cancer and she is haveing a lot of difficulty breathing and needs to be on oxygen."
Since her condition fit the word of knowledge, they had me call her and Felito prayed for her on the phone. When he finished praying, he handed me back the cell phone. I went into the other room to get feedback. She was still coughing some and her voice was so hoarse that it sounded like a man's voice. She could not talk well, so she gave the phone back to her husband. I asked if I could pray for her. So he gave the phone back to her. Felito had prayed from anointing (and he has a very powerful anointing). I felt led to pray the other type of healing prayer, the one from authority. The Holy Spirit led me strongly as I prayed. I did everything from cursing the cancer and commanding the cancerous cells to die and pass out of her body, to blessing the healthy cells to remain healthy and not to be damaged by the cancerous ones, to rebuking any demon and canceling any curses, etc. God even showed me one new thing to pray that I had not known to pray before. He had me forbid the cancerous cells to absorb sugar and nutrients from the blood steam in a manner that prevented them from getting to the healthy cells that needed them. The Lord placed His anointing on both prayers and His presence was powerful on both ends of the phone. My friend commented on how she could feel God's power going through her as we prayed. It was like teamwork, where both authority prayer and anointing prayer were needed. Felito prayed the anointing part and I prayed the authority part, and God worked through both.
At the end of the prayer, my friend felt better than before and could tell a definite improvement, could breath easier and her voice was not hoarse any more. But she was not anything close to 100% well. I was glad there had been some noticeable improvement. We got off the phone and I came back into the service to give a status report. We all praised God for her noticeable improvement and prayed that God would keep working in her until it was 100% healed.
About then Felito gave an open alter invitation for anyone who needed a healing to come forward for prayer. It just so happened that I had injured my elbow on the flight home from my missions trip and it was still very painful. The intensity of pain went up/down but most of the time I could not hold things as light as a water bottle without noticeable pain. I had received prayer for it a couple of times but it did not get better. I decided that if it wasn't healed by that Sunday, I would call the doctor's office the next morning to make an appointment about it. Sometimes it hurt so bad that it work me up in the middle of the night and then I could not get back to sleep because of the discomfort. I was tired of being in pain an I really wanted to be healed.
So I went up for prayer. As it turned out I was the first person Felito prayed for. I told Felito briefly that I had hurt the tendon in my elbow handling luggage on my way home from a mission trip about a month ago. Felito began to pray for me. I felt God's power hit me, but it wasn't what I was used to for healing. It did not seem to be focusing on my elbow, but surging through my whole body. I think I may have cried out some in response to that power surging through me, but I am not sure. I tired to remain standing so he could pray for me and because there was not a catcher. But I was not able to do so and I went down. I don't think anyone caught me, but the Lord took care of me and it did not hurt at all.
I figured the prayer would be over when I went down and Felito would move on to the next person in line. Instead he followed me down and continued to pray for me. But he was not praying for healing. I can't remember his exact words, but it was along the lines of "Father, give her the anointing and impartation that she needs to do the work you have called her to. Give her the gift of healing and signs and wonders and let her see your power flow through her."
Then God spoke to me and said, "I made you hungry last Friday and now I am filling you. You thought you'd missed the opportunity for impartation that night, but I am able to take care of you." I felt so blessed by God's goodness that I lost track of everything for a while. God's presence and His goodness and His power surrounded me.
As far as I know, Felito did not pray for impartation for anyone else that morning except me. Impartation was not on the ageinda, but God took care of me. Friday night I had gone home feeling frustrated that I'd been passed by. But God never intended to pass me by, He had just delayed it a bit so He could make me hungry. Then He took care of me when I wasn't even expecting Him to, when I was not even thinking about it or looking for it.
God is faithful. And just like He took care of me, so He will take care of you as well.
Here is that prophetic word that He gave me on Saturday morning....
Don't Be Too Easily SatisfiedAre you feeling left out or passed by? Do you see Me touching others but you don't feel that touch yourself? Are you crying out to Me and wondering why I would touch this one or that one and ignore your cries?
Child, I am not being cruel. I am not punishing you and I am not excluding you. The simple truth is that you have become a tad too satisfied and I need to increase your hunger.
You may see Me release an impartation to someone who you feel is less deserving, to someone who does not walk as close to Me as you do, or to someone who is not as committed to My ways as you are. But child, don't you understand? I give good gifts to all of My children. While it is true that sometimes I give them as rewards, many times I give time simply as gifts that do not have to be earned. They do not have to be desired or prayerfully requested for some length of time before I give them. I am a loving Father and a good God who delights to give good gifts to My children. Sometimes I give these gifts for no apparent reason at all, just because I want to shower My goodness on this one or I want to bless that one. My good gifts to not have to be earned, I give them freely.
I love to see My dear ones hunger for more of Me -- for more of My presence, to hear My voice more clearly, to move in greater levels of My power and anointing. It delights Me to see My children hunger for more. Child of Mine, at times you become too satisfied in what I have already given you. Yes I want you to use and enjoy the good gifts that I have given to you. But I don't want you to loose your appetite for Me. I want you to press in deeper and higher and stronger. I want you to desire an even greater revelation of Me. I want you to desire that even greater levels of My anointing be released on your life.
Child, I want you hungry, and at times I go out of My way to stir your appetite. Why? So that I can satisfy it, so that I can give you more.
That is why there are times when others seem to receive, even those ones who don't fully appreciate what I have given them and who won't use it for My purposes as well as you would. That is why there are times when you are passed by for that thing which you have long desired of Me, but you have not desire it passionately or fully. So I increase your desire, I wet your appetite. I allow you to see this very thing you desire go to another. My hope is that you will begin to press into Me and ask Me to give it to you as well.
Yes, child, I want you hungry, for I want to fill that hunger with greater measures of My glory. Child, the closer you are to Me, the more I will work in your life to stir your appetite, to entice you to come up even higher. I want you to press in even deeper into My presence. I want you to desire even greater levels of My anointing that you might do even more of My works with Me.
Child, I am not passing you by and I am not rejecting you. I am not punishing you and I am disqualifying you. Child I am stirring your hunger, that you will ask Me for MORE. For the one who asks receives. I want you to receive greater measures of Me and greater measures of My anointing upon your life. Press into Me child, ask Me. Don't sunk and don't become angry or disheartened. Yes, I may at times give others that very thing you desire of Me and withhold it from you for a short season.
The reason I do that is so that you will hunger and increase your capacity to receive of Me -- that I might give you even more! So do not fret when I stir your hunger, child of Mine. Know that I will surely fill it with a greater measure of My tangible presence in your life.