BACKGROUND

I had one of those two-part salvations, where I received Jesus as my Savior in 1971 and was baptized because "they" told me I should be. I prayed the sinner's prayer, but no one taught me that Jesus is to be Lord. I tried to live a godly lifestyle from my own strength, but I seemed to fall flat on my face over and over again. I had no victory in my life, I could not hear God's voice, besetting sins kept besetting me over and over again, and I had no real evidence of the fruit of the Spirit in my life. I am not sure if I was really saved at that point.

It wasn't until 18 years later that I made a serious commitment to Jesus' Lordship in my life, and I entered into a covenant to obey Him. That brought such a change to my life! I started hearing God's voice and I started seeing evidence of the fruit of the Spirit in my life. In addition, besetting sins stopped being a problem for me. The change was obvious and powerful once Jesus became my Lord and Boss.

About six months ago, I was watching a baptism and suddenly I had this question in my spirit. Did my baptism count since I might not have really been saved when I was baptized? If not, then should I be re-baptized? I began to prayerfully ponder that.

God did not speak with 100% clarity, but I got a strong impression that if I was re-baptized, it had to be on the Sunday after my 50th birthday. At that time my birthday was still several months away. I struggled with if for a while, then I became busy with other things and stopped thinking about it.

Then God brought it around again about four weeks before my birthday. I was suddenly reminded of that struggle I had gone through and the impression that maybe He wanted me to be baptized again. (You have to understand that it is a very humbling idea for an ordained minister to be publicly baptized in the same church that they'd been ordained in some years before. It was not an easy thing for me to do, but if God wanted me to do it, then I wanted to obey Him.) I was still pondering in when I opened my bulletin and saw an announcement that the next baptism Sunday would be the day after my 50th birthday. I figured that must be God telling me to do it.

The only problem was that I had a check in my spirit about being baptized by this one certain person (who was less than half my age). He did the baptisms about half of the time. I liked the person, but for some reason I felt very uncomfortable with the idea of him baptizing me. So I talked to the senior pastor and told him about my concern. He said that was fine, he'd have someone else do it. He also agreed to give me 5 minutes to share why I was being baptized again after so many years of being in full time ministry.

On Friday, the day before my birthday and two days before my scheduled baptism, the pastor's assistant called me. She told me that the way logistics worked out, the only person available to do baptisms that Sunday was the person who I was uncomfortable with. She suggested I reschedule for the next baptism in a few months.

Right then, God spoke to me and told me not to reschedule. He had given me a certain date that it must be done and then put a check in my spirit about having one certain person do it. He knew in advance that was the only person who would be available that day. God did not really want me to be baptized again, He was just testing my willingness to obey Him in this. He explained all of that to me in an instant.

THE VISION BEGINS

When I got off the phone, I felt a bit disappointed that I was not going to be re-baptized after-all. Once I had resolved to be baptized, I started looking forward to it, and now it wasn't going to happen. Suddenly I found myself praying the oddest prayer: "Lord, since I can't be baptized by man, would You be willing to baptize me?" (I think I meant it in some spiritual sense, as opposed to a physical water baptism.)

I was surprised at myself even as I heard the prayer come off of my lips. But the Lord actually responded to me about that request. He said, "Teresa, baptism is a public thing, not a private experience."

I thought that was His way of saying "No," and I was not surprised that He declined my unusual prayer. In fact, I was a bit surprised at myself for praying that in the first place. Then the Lord continued...

"Baptism it is a public profession, so if I baptize you, it would have to be done publicly--in front of all of Heaven's host. Are you willing to do that with Me?"

I told Him that I was willing, but I was also beginning to wonder if that was really the Lord's voice, or if my imagination was running wild with me. Then the Lord told me, "OK, I will baptize you in a vision," but I wasn't sure if it was really His voice or my own imagination.

Mid afternoon, I hopped into the shower to wash my hair. As I was drying off from the shower, God spoke to me: "Teresa, you asked Me to baptize you. How about we start it now?"

I know this sounds silly, but I felt embarrassed to enter into a vision in my 'birthday suit.'

"Lord," I answered, "don't You think maybe I should get dressed first? I don't want to come into a vision before you and Heaven's host stark naked."

"Teresa, it would not matter how you are dressed in the natural. When I take you into the vision, I will clothe you in a white robe." He paused, then continued, "However, if you makes you more comfortable, you can wear a baptism robe in the natural."

My first thought was, 'Oh come on Lord, I how am I going to do that? I don't happen to keep baptism robes in my house.' Then I remembered that I actually did have one in my possession at the moment. (Our church had a harvest festival on Halloween, and I to dress as a bible character for a skit. I had borrowed one of the white baptism robes and put a stripped bath robe over it to make my Bible costume. That had been on Tuesday, and I hadn't been back to the church to return the robe yet, so I still had it.)

"Go get it and put it on," the Lord said. So I did.

Then I went into my prayer room (also our guest bedroom) to pray, and knelt down by the bed. That was the moment that God caught me up into a vision. One moment I was kneeling and praying. The next moment I was standing about hip-deep in some type of very clear pond and Jesus was standing directly behind me.

I was a bit surprised at my sudden change of surrounding and I thought to myself, "Oh My God! This is really happening."

"Yes" He replied, "I am your God, and yes, this is really happening." I knew that He meant it as a joke and it was very funny to me, making me laugh. I started to turn around to face Him, but He put His hands on my shoulders and gently kept me from turning.

He said, "You know that baptism is symbolic of dieing with Me and being raised again? As I once asked some of My disciples, let Me ask you: Are you able to drink the cup that I drank, and be baptized with the baptism that I was baptized with?" I recognized that as a reference from Matthew 20:22 or Mark 10:38. His question kind of scared me. I had a small taste of suffering recently, and I definitely did not like it. Was Jesus telling me that if He baptized me, I would have more suffering than if He did not? This was not at all what I expected and I found myself hesitating in answering Him.

I finally evaded the question all together by saying, "Lord, I am not sure what You are asking me." Both Jesus and I knew that my evasive answer was practically a no. I could sense His displeasure and that made me feel really bad, so I hung my head. That experience made me realize that I wanted all the glory experiences with God, but not the hardship that might need to accompany them at times. I realized I had to embrace the whole package to get any of it.

Then Jesus said, "Ok, let Me change the question. You know that if you are baptized into Me, you are also baptized into My death (Romans 6:3). Are you willing to die with Me right now?"

Alarm shot through me at His question. Did He mean die to self (which is not a fun process), or did He mean a real physical death? Neither option sounded like what I had been thinking about when I asked Him to baptize me. What has I gotten myself into? Then I realized that Jesus could hear my thoughts just as easily as if I had spoken them out loud, and I felt bad again. I was not giving the Lord the type of response that I should have been giving Him.

Jesus commented on my thought. "That just proves that you have some areas in you that still need to die. Are you willing?"

I stopped thinking about the request (dieing with Jesus) and started thinking about the One who made the request. I thought about how much I loved Him and how wonderful He had been to me over and over again in my life. When I thought about Who was asking instead of about what was being asked, it was much easier to say yes.

"Lord, You know I made an obedience covenant with You and I will do whatever You command me."

"But Teresa, I am not commanding, I am inviting. Do you still want Me to baptize you, now that you know it involves dieing with Me?"

"Yes, Lord, I am willing."

"Ok, let's begin."

I expected Jesus to turn me so that I was standing perpendicular to Him, because that is the way I always see people get baptized. The person doing the baptizing stands at their side with one hand behind their back and the other on their chest, and lowers them into the water. But Jesus remained behind me. He wrapped His arms around me with one hand on each of my shoulders. It felt like a hug and it felt so good to be in His embrace, and I could feel His love saturating me. I sort of relaxed into His arms and then suddenly He was falling backwards into the water, dragging me under with Him.

I thought to myself that this was a really unusual way to do it, not at all what I expected. Then another thing that I did not expect happened. Instead of raise me back up out of the water, He kept a hold of me and we both stayed under the water. It felt like He was lying down on is back on the bottom of the pond, which held me completely under the water. I had been holding my breath, assuming that I would not have to hold it very long. Things were not going the way I expected and I was starting to get scared again. I began to wonder if Jesus meant it literally when He asked me if I was ready to die with Him; I thought I might drown.

"Don't be afraid." the Lord spoke into my thoughts in a way that was very distinctly Him. "Trust Me."

I wanted to trust Him, but it was scary to be held under water for so long. At one point I could not hold my breath any longer and I opened my mouth to gasp for breath. Water filled my lungs but it did not make me cough or choke. It felt lighter than air and very sweet and I could breath it just as easily as if I was breathing air. (The Lord did not tell me this during the vision, but after it was over, He told me that the river of life fed into that pond, and the water I was breathing was from the river of life.)

We stayed there for a long time. The pounding of my heart gradually calmed down and I started to feel at peace in the Lord's arms. I started to apologize to Him for having been afraid. I knew that He is good and whatever He does is good, even when it is very different than what I am expecting. I should have just trusted Him.

The Lord was silent for a while, then He began to speak to me--I suspect He spoke to me in my thoughts since we were under water and it probably wasn't possible to speak audibly, but it sounded like an audible voice to me. He told me I was being buried with Him and it was time to allow a few things in my life to die. Then He nailed me on two inner issues which I knew were not going to be easy to die to. But I examined my heart and I found that I was truly willing, and the Lord began to help me with them.

After what seemed like about an hour, I was suddenly out of the vision and back in my prayer room. I did not understand why the vision had stopped before it was finished.

"Lord, what happened? Did I do something wrong?"

"No child, but we have been together for three hours now and it is time for you to get up and get dressed, because your husband will be home from work shortly. We will pick this up again later."

"When?"

"On Sunday during church."

I thought it was really strange to have a vision start on a Friday afternoon and then suddenly interrupt mid-stream and not pick up again on Sunday Morning. The Lord addressed my thought by reminding me that He had been crucified on a Friday afternoon and did not raise from the grave until Sunday morning.

THE VISION COINTINUES

Saturday was a really nice day for me and I had a wonderful birthday. One really neat thing happened for me that is related to the previous day's vision. The Lord had worked with me in the vision in two areas where I had to die to self. During the day, I encountered one of the triggers that would normally set me off, and I did NOT react to it. I don't mean that I exercised self-control over it--I mean nothing inside of me was set off. It was like the trigger had been disconnected. I am not sure that I will never struggle with that issue again, but I could see a very tangible difference and I realized that God really did change me during the vision. That left me feeling very excited for "part 2" on Sunday.

I had to go to both services on Sunday because I was doing a little 10 minute talk on a prayer project in each service. The worship at the early service was good, but it paled in comparison to the main service. God's presence was in the room in such a tangible way that I forgot all about the vision. His nearness saturated me and I simply breathed in His presence and told Him how much I loved Him. I could feel His love saturating me and I was pretty much lost in Him. At one point I opened my eyes for a few seconds and looked around the sanctuary. It looked like God was also meeting a lot of others in a very deep way. I love those type of worship services, the ones where God shows up in in the room in a strong and tangible way. At one point I just could not stand any longer, so I knelt on the floor. A bit later I felt like I need to just lay on my back and put my arms up and just worship and breath in His presence. So I did.

After a little bit, I was back in the vision again, right where we left off. Jesus was still holding me, and we were back under that living water again.

"Are you ready to raise up out of the water now?" the Lord asked me.

I did not speak it out loud, but I thought to myself, "That's it? That is all there is left to do? In that case why didn't God just finish the vision last Friday?"

Right then the Lord lifted us up out of the water and I found myself standing up hip-deep in the pond next to Him. I noticed that the edges of the pond were lined with a great number of people (I guessed they were probably angels) who were watching us and worshipping the Lord. I had not really noticed them before, but their presence was not a distraction to me because my attention was fixed on the Lord. I still felt that same strong presence I had felt in worship service, only it was stronger in the vision. His love penetrated every fiber of my being and it felt so good to be in His presence. I was mostly lost in worship and not thinking about things, but I do remember that at one point I told myself, "It just doesn't get any better than this."

Then the Lord spoke to me and told me that was the first of three emersions. I dropped into my left brain for a few seconds and was about to explain to the Lord that for emersion we only put people under the water once. He heard my thought before I finished thinking it and told me that I was being immersed three times, once for each member of the Trinity. He also told me that He was doing something different in me with each emersion. The first emersion had been about dieing to self.

Then He said, "Now it is time to do the second one." I was prepared for another long stay under water with Him, but this time He brought me in and out of the water quickly without going under Himself, sort of like what I am used to for a normal emersion baptism. When I came up out of the water He told me that this time I was being raised up in Him, which I assumed was like being raised from the dead.

That was pretty much the kind of thing that I was used to in a baptism, so I did not think much about what He said. I guess I missed something He wanted to communicate, so He want on to clarify it. "When I was raised from the dead, I was transformed. I had the same body but it wasn't really the same any more, because it carried a greater measure of God's glory. Now that you are risen with Me, you are going to carry a greater measure of My glory."

I assumed He meant in this vision. But He corrected my assumption and told me that He was talking about My day to day life outside of the vision.

"Wow!" That was a really neat benefit of His baptism.

I could not help it, I dropped back into worship again. The entire host on the shore also broke into a deeper level of worship, and I felt a type of unity with them as I worshipped my Lord. I don't know how long it went on, but it was an incredible experience worshipping Him in the vision and feeling a greater measure of His tangible nearness than I'd ever experienced before.

At one point I was back on the floor in the service, and the congregation was still worshipping Him. His presence was still strong in the room, but nothing like it had been in the vision. I wanted to just stay there forever worshipping Him, but service had to move on. We did our missions committee prayer project right after the worship ended, so I did not have time to bask in the residue of His presence. Having to speak and pray in front of the congregation brought me back to the real world much faster than I wanted to come. Once I was back, I was focused on the service. We had a sermon and then some closing worship and ministry time.

I got a few minutes alone with God during the closing worship and told Him that vision was so good that I did not want it to end. He told me not to worry, because there was still the third emersion left, which would be a sort of commissioning for me. I felt like a little kid that that was about to search Dad's pockets for a hidden treat. I asked Him when that would be, hoping He would say "Later today." But all He said was, "Don't worry about when it is, I will come and get you when it is time."

I did not have time to ponder it more because Sunday was a very busy day. I did not want to talk about my experience with anyone before I had time to pray and meditate on it, so I did not mention it to anyone.

A few friends from Church took me to a late lunch to celebrate my birthday and then we had a missions committee meeting. I did not get home until 6:00 PM, and I had some computer work I had to get done for GodSpeak's web page before the morning. I was so busy with the computer work that it was after midnight when I finally climbed into bed and started to silently pray before going to sleep. I remembered His nearness during worship and during the vision, and I could not help breaking out into worship. His nearness came very softly to meet me as I worshipped. It was not nearly as strong has it had been in the service or in the vision, but it was still very nice.

I am very much looking forward to "part 3" of this vision. I don't have any idea when it will be, but I know that it will happen at some point, and I can hardly wait to see what God has in store for me.