Interesting Dream (Mon, 10 Feb 1997)

I had a dream this morning that was so realistic I did not realize it was a dream while it was occurring.

I was eating and fellowshipping with my mother and some friends. Somehow I started choking on my food. I could not breathe and it hurt and it was scary. I realized that I was suffocating. I tried to do the Heinlikin (sp?) Maneuver to free the food that was lodged in my throat, but could not do it to myself. I motioned for my mother to help me with it, but she had no clue what I was trying to ask her for. I realized I was choking to death. And I remembered thinking to myself, "This cannot really be happening!" (The Lord had previously told me how I was going to die, and this was not the right scenario.) Yet it seemed to be happening. There was a certain amount of fear (not overwhelming) and also some physical pain... I guess one would expect that if someone was choking to death. And I realized that I was really dying... it was very odd.

Then all of the sudden, everything got really still and quiet. The pain was gone and I was flooded with peace. I was aware of laying down on the ground on my back with my eyes closed. I could sense the Lord's presense around me. Then He spoke to me.

"Teresa, you have died, but you have not completed all that I have for you to do. I am giving you a choice. If you want, I will allow you to stay with me and be in My presense permanently. Or you can go back and complete that which I have for you to do."

I was filled with great indecision. I could sense the Lord around me, and He was so awesome. It would be wonderful to spend eternity with Him and not to have to go through any more pain, rejections, suffering, trials, etc. Yet, I had this overwhelming desire to serve and to please Him. Nothing would make me happier than to be with Him forever and never be separated from Him again. Yet, if He had things He wanted me to do for His kingdom, I did not want to disappoint Him. I was torn and really did not know how to respond.

"Teresa, I must have your decision immediately. If you don't decide soon, you will remain dead by default."

"Lord," I cried. "I don't know what to choose. I ask that You show me what decision I should make. Please make the decision for me."

He did not say a word, but I could feel His pleasure on me. Then the sense of the Lord's presense around me began to diminish and I started to become aware of the room that I was in. I knew that at any second now I would be sitting up and assuring my friends that I was ok.

Then I woke up.

I could feel the intensity of the Lord on me. I often feel that same intensity when I am moving in the prophetic or when I wake up from a prophetic dream. I was a little shook, and was not sure whether I'd dreamed that or really experienced it... it seemed so incredibly real.

The Lord's presence surrounded me again... It was much fainter than in the dream, but definitely tangible. I knew I was awake and laying on my bed. I could hear my husband breathing beside me and reached over to touch his back. I opened my eyes and looked at the clock: 4:50 AM. I was a little shaken from the dream, so I told the Lord about it and asked Him if that was really a dream from Him or just my imagination kicking in.

The Lord told me that He was pleased with my choice, because I had put my own will aside to choose to do what the Father is doing. I prayed for a while and enjoyed intimacy with Him. He reminded me how I have often prayed and told Him how much I long to be permanently with Him, to be able to look on His face and see His glory, to bask permanently in His presense. He said that prayers like that do not go unnoticed, which is why He gave me the opportunity to make this decision. I guess that type of prayer really translates into a request for the Lord to take me home with Him now -- or to die and go to Heaven. He told me that it was time to stop asking Him to take me home and that He would transform my prayer. The new prayer would be for Him to fill me and use me and teach me to walk in His presence here on earth until the time came to go home with Him.

Then I got up and took a shower and He met me again in the shower and told me He was pleased with my decision to put His desires over my own desires.

"But Lord," I prayed. "It was just a dream. It did not really happen."

"The decision was real, even though it occurred in a dream. Your approach was good... to ask Me what My will is in the situation rather than making the decision on your own. That is the approach I would like you to use for making all of your major decisions. Sometimes it will be very hard to choose My will over your own desires, but it will always be the better choice."