I had an experience today that was a real eye opener for me. Let me start with a tad of background. I have learned that sometimes when I am frustrated about something in my day-to-day life, I transfer that frustration to feeling frustrated about a "failed relationship" in my past. At one time this person, let's call her Rachel, was a dear friend. We have been out of relationship for about 2 years now. I won't go into the details but she wronged me in a painful way, and then she discontinued the relationship. I worked through forgiving her because forgiveness is SO important to our Heavenly Father; we can't harbor unforgiveness and be in intimacy with Him. I wanted to remain in intimacy with God, so I had no choice except to forgive and release her. But occasionally the "issues" pop up and replay in my mind. And when they come up I have to consciously choose to forgive again.

I got frustrated over something that happened at work the other day. This morning I found myself strongly thinking about Rachel and what she had done to me. It only took me a few seconds to realize I was transferring my work-related frustration to Rachel. So I consciously told myself, "No, you are not really upset about Rachel. Stop trying to pin this work related frustration on her and deal with the real problem." I spent a few minutes praying through about the work situation, and God gave me a strategy for dealing with this work related issue. That made me feel a lot less frustrated about work.

Then I realized I was still "harboring" traces of unforgiveness towards Rachel. I knew I had to deal with that by forgiving, and my thinking process went something like this:

I need to think this through on my own and come to a conclusion that would please God. Lord, please give me a few seconds here let me think this through on my own.

I know that God expects me to forgive Rachel, and if I don't, it will effect my relationship with God the Father. I don't want anything between me and God .. so I have to forgive her. It is good that I realized my real frustration was about work, not Rachel. But since this thing came up with Rachel again, I have to forgive her again. And I would really like God's help to put this thing with Rachel to bed so that it doesn't come up again in another 2 or 3 months.

Then I prayed, "OK, God, I am ready to talk to You now. First, I choose to forgive Rachael because I know that this will please You and You are very important to me. Also, I'd like You to please help me release this completely so that this does not come up again in a month or two. I came to this decision all on my own, and I think it is the decision that You would want. I sure hope my decision pleases You, because that is what I was trying to do in this, and because I am starting to think like You and look at things Your way."

The Lord's answer was a real shocker for me. "No, Teresa, you did not please Me at all. You asked Me to stay out of this while you worked it out and came to a decision. That means it was a work of the flesh, and works of the flesh are a stench in my nostrils. Yes, you came to the right conclusion, but you did so in a way I find distasteful. It would have pleased Me if you would have been brought the problem to Me and asked Me to help you work it through My way. Never try to please Me by leaving Me out of the process and presenting to Me something that was done without My involvement."

Then I was reminded of John 15:4, which says, "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me."

I had to repent. Instead of pleasing God on my own, I had offended Him. God made it real clear to me we must not do a "work" or reach a "decision" intended to please God by leaving God out of the process. God wants to be involved in our decisions, and the Holy Spirit desires to lead us to the right conclusions and right decisions. He desires to transform us to be more like Jesus.. but He has to be the one to do it. We can't transform ourselves. We can't make ourselves holy and then present ourselves to God. Rather we need to present ourselves to Him and allow Him to lead and transform us.