God has a wonderful way of reviving "old" words and making them come alive just when you really need them. He did that for me this morning. Let me give you a little bit of background, or the story won't make sense.

It's been very demanding lately to try and do both my ministry and my secular job. I have gotten into a point of near exhaustion from three years of working two full time jobs (one secular and one ministry). This past week I had something I've had to do every night in addition to these two jobs, and I've got so worn out that just sitting up took more energy than I seemed to have.

When I get really tired, the accuracy of my hearing seems to go down. That was beginning to happen. Earlier that week I'd heard God wrong on something ... I heard a news story of a 19 year old woman from my city being kidnapped. When I started to pray for her, I heard that "she was already dead." That made me very sad and I hoped I'd heard wrong. I threw up several short prayers for her anyhow, just in case. It was almost as if part of me "knew" I was hearing wrong and continued to intercede. Then I heard on the news on Friday morning that she had been released by the kidnappers and was now home safely. I was so glad for her. But about an hour later, it began to bother me that I'd heard wrong about her while praying for her. It bothered me a lot. I am a person who knows how to hear God's voice, so how could I hear wrong on something as important as intercessory prayer about critical events in my own neighborhood?

That evening, I had to take hubby to the airport to catch a red-eye for a weekend business trip.. usually a 40 minute drive each direction at that late time of night when there is not any traffic. I dropped him off and started home. I distinctly heard the Lord tell me that I would not have any traffic problems, that it would be a smooth ride home. I drive across a very long bridge (over 12 miles) called the San Mateo Bridge. About half way across the bridge, traffic grind to a stand still and it took over half an hour to get off the bridge. Why? Because they were doing some construction on the side of the road (that did not block traffic at all) and everyone was slowing down to "watch". I get so frustrated by those type of unnecessary traffic jams! So I was tried and frustrated and it was getting very late. I figured at least the remaining 15 miles home would go smoothly.. but no such luck.. another big backup at a major exchange.

By the time I finally got home, I was extremely frustrated with my mishearing. I thought God had said it would be a smooth ride home, and it was not. Add to that the concern/dismay that I could not sense the Lord 's presence as I normally do.. in fact, I'd not sensed it for a couple of days. I ran a mental checklist and found that I could not come up with anything I'd done that should separate me, nor with any attitudes (pride, unforgiveness, etc). But God seemed far away and my hearing was not doing very well. I remembered thinking to myself, "Boy am I glad I am not ministering prophetically to anyone tonight, since my hearing is way off."

I was literally "too tired" to go to bed.. I know that sounds crazy, but I was. So I sat down on the sofa and began to watch a movie. I don't even remember what I put on, because I kind of ignored it and spent most of the time crying out to God for His help/mercy. I did not like feeling far from Him and I did not like hearing wrong. I was willing to meet any terms or conditions the Lord might give me.. I just wanted to be restored to intimacy with Him and I wanted to hear Him clearly again.

A thought went through my mind that I was not hearing accurately because I was so tired, and I needed to get some rest. I had planned to go to work the next day to make up some work I'd not done during the week. I also planned to do a lot of work on the GodSpeak lists. But I just knew I was going to take the day off and just rest. I eventually fell asleep on the sofa, to be awakened at 6:00 AM by my dogs licking me.

I spent most of Saturday laying on the sofa and watching TV. I knew I needed to rest, and this was how I was trying to do it. It was not a very spiritual activity, but I was so exhausted that I did not feel up to much reading/study, etc.

The enemy came in and began accusing me. He ran the gammet of all my weaknesses/fears. He began trying to convince me that I had somehow made some mistake I was not aware of and had inadvertently disqualified myself from God's plan for my life. I countered with God's faithfulness from verses of the Bible. He accused me of being a poor leader because I did not have enough time for the ministry (because of the secular job). I never get to do all the things I'd like to do ministry wise, because there just is not enough time. Then the enemy began to try and build a hopelessness in me about my relationship with God. I countered most of this, using both the Bible and recalling things God had done in my life and said personally to me. I alternated between watching TV, sleeping and struggling with the enemy's accusations all day.. I did not do a single productive thing and I hardly moved off the sofa.

Then I fell asleep again and a spirit of fear came in and tried to attack me in a similar way to how it used to do before I discovered my authority in Christ. I was dreaming but I did not know I was dreaming.. in my dream I was laying on the sofa and petting my dog, which was very accurate to what I'd been doing all day. Then suddenly the dog was on a ledge above me instead of on the floor. And I found that I was paralyzed.. I could not move. The dog eyed me and then jumped off of the ledge and began attacking me. Odd.. I knew my dog would not do that but did not know I was dreaming.. so I felt disorientated. Then suddenly everything went dark and I could not see. I could not talk and I could not move, but I did not feel frightened. I distinctly heard a woman's voice behind me, saying "I need to talk to you." I could not imagine how a woman had gotten in the house with the doors locked! I tried to turn my head and look at her, but I could not open my eyes. I could not turn my head. Fear and alarm shot through me that someone was in the house. I struggled with all of my might to see who it was, and suddenly I could move my arms a bit. I used my arms to grab my head and turn into the direction the voice had come from. But I still could not open my eyes. I tried to pry open my eyelids with my fingers, but still could not get my eyes open. In my struggles to do this, I felt myself fall painlessly off the sofa to the floor and I could literally sense the presence. I remember being on my hands and knees between the sofa and coffee table, trying to turn my body to face where the intruder's voice had come from. I was still alarmed.. who could be in my house? Ed was out of town and I was home alone, and I could not move. It never even occurred to me that it might be demonic at that point, I was just struggling to get control over my body and look at whoever the intruder was.

Suddenly my vision began to return.. the room was tilted and the first thing I saw was the TV (sideways). My eyes flew open and I realized I was still laying on the sofa. I had control over my body, but felt groggy as if I'd awakened from a drugged sleep. I looked around.. everything was as it should be.. and both dogs were curled up on the floor asleep. I got up and checked the doors to assure they were closed/locked, still feeling spooked by a possible intruder in the house.

Then I realized it was a spirit of fear trying to attack me. It used to do that to me before I understood my authority in Christ.. coming on me at night and paralyzing me and absolutely terrifying me for hours. I got mad! How dare the devil try those old tricks again! I took authority over any spirit of fear and any trace of alarm left me. I was relieved that it was only a demon and not a real intruder in the house! (We live in a pretty dangerous city.) I remained mad at the demon for trying this overt attack and asked God if I could have authority to "kick it's butt!" I realized this is not a very spiritual sounding prayer, but if that thing came back at me again, I wanted the Lord to give me authority to cause it to loose some of it's spiritual power. I wanted to teach that beastie a thing or two about daring to "come after me." I was a bit offended at it for trying old tricks that only work against those who don't know their authority in Christ. I wanted that demon to come back so I could work some Holy Terror into that spirit of fear! No such luck. That spirit stayed well clear of me.

The Holy Spirit began convicting me about my attitude in using His authority. I was supposed to be using it to build His kingdom, doing with Him what He was doing. His Authority was for doing His work, not for taking revenge on a demon that irritated me. I repented.

A bit later, I watched a movie. But it was rather violent, so I turned it off and went to bed. The enemy was back to his strategies that work the best against me, condemnation and accusations. I was beginning to cooperate with him in beating myself up about this and that. I was beginning to feel that I'd somehow inadvertently upset God and as a result God had stamped "Null and Void" over the promises He put over my life. I had been disqualified from my calling, etc. If I had been sharp, I would have recognized it as yet another attack of the enemy. But I was still pretty tired, so I decided to just go to sleep. I did get to sleep, but it was not a restful sleep. I had a bad dream about waiting all day to get through customs and then when it finally got to my turn, my luggage could not be found, so the customs official told me to go find my luggage and get back in the end of the lengthy line. Then I set off in search of my luggage and could not find it. I woke up feeling unsettled again. I wondered if the dream was telling me that I simply was incapable of what God had called me to.

I still did not feel all that spiritual this morning, but I was mindful of all the urgent stuff that had to be done for the lists. So I sat down at my computer to begin working on them. In the back of my mind, I felt a nagging, like the enemy was still trying to accuse me. I ran across an old file from March of 1998 and read it. To my surprise, it contained a word to me from someone that I've not been in contact with for over two years. As I read the word, the Holy Spirit came over me and began to minister to my heart. The word was originally given to me over 2 years ago, but it spoke precisely into what I'd been experiencing the past few days and God really met me in it:

You have opened your hands to the Lord and he will fill them with good things. He has a blessings for you which exceeds your expectations.

Reach out to him, be open to whatever he brings your way. Do not be afraid that he will ask you to do things you are not capable of. He will lead you step by step into the things he has spoken to you about. He will bring about all the promises that he has given. For he is a faithful God, and he never gives a promise which he does not fulfill.

The Lord would say again to you, do not be afraid. Never be afraid of what the Lord causes to come about. Even when the winds blow and swirl around you, you will remain safe in his arms. He will carry you through the storms and bring you safely to the haven he has for you.

As I read this, God's strength and encouragement poured back into me. He ministered to me powerfully through that word he'd originally given to me over 2 years ago.

Isn't it amazing how the Lord can revive an "old" word and speak to you about "today's" needs/events through it! God is even more amazing than I had realized and I am constantly learning more and more about the power that the prophetic word has to breathe God's life into His people. God knew I was going to be under attack yesterday, and He went before me (two years before me) to prepare this word of encouragement and strength for this situation.