A couple of weeks earlier, I was praying/interceding for a prayer project at church. I invited Jesus to join our prayer project (since He's also an intercessor). I figured that if we brought in the "Big Guns," our prayer project would get answered more quickly. Jesus asked me if I thought His prayers were more effective than mine. I agreed that they were. Then He asked me this question:

Why is that, since I have given you My authority. Why aren't your prayers as effective as Mine?

Of course, I did not know the answer to that, so I began to press into God and ask Him to explain it to me and to teach me how to walk out my relationship with Him (including His lordship in my life) so that my prayers would truly be as effective as John 14:12-14 indicates they should be.

The following Saturday (9 days ago) I had a divine encounter with God.. big time stuff. He invited me into a closer/deeper relationship with Him, where the Holy Spirit promised to teach me of Himself. The first few days after that, the intimacy with God was incredible beyond measure. He was speaking to me and showing me all sorts of stuff, including cause-effect relationships and why certain things happen and why He does what He does. His voice was ever so clear. The level of discernment was higher than I was used to, and I loved it.

Along with that came a deeper level of conviction that I'd experienced before. Things I used to "get away with" began to become unacceptable. But that was ok, because I sincerely wanted to cooperate with Him to transform any area He identified as holding me back.

God began to invade my leisure time and disapprove of some of the things I did to relax. These were not things I would consider sinful in any manner, but things that did not build me up in His kingdom. For instance, there are two TV shows I enjoyed watching to "get my mind off of things". They were not bad shows, and are probably be rated G. But God began to speak to me that He did not like me watching one of them because it encapsulated values that were contrary to His values and tended to pull me down in spiritual things rather than build me up. I really did like this one show and was a bit miffed that He made me give it up.. but I did give it up none the less. Then He began to talk to me about the attitudes we have when obeying Him. To obey with a miffed attitude is not acceptable.. He expects a good attitude when I obey Him. The attitude of my heart is every bit as important as the actions I take.. if I do obedient actions with a bad attitude, this does not please Him.

God began to deal with me about mindsets.. ways I had of viewing things that were contrary to His truth. I did not even know I had any when we started this adventure.. but I am finding I have more than I want to know about. I wish I could just confess them once and see them totally go away, but He has chosen to take me through a process in dealing with them. There are times when God's change is not comfortable and it is not fun. This processing is becoming one for me. The Holy Spirit is a wonderful and faithful teacher, but His lessons are not always "fun."

Last night I was on the ministry team at a renewal meeting. The power of God was flowing and I got to minister in it along with the other ministry team members. But an odd thing happened to me.. I began to get hungrier and hungrier for more of His anointing and began to realize how little of it I truly carried. I hoped God would do some type of powerful infilling, but He did not... I went away feeling empty and hungry. I woke up this morning feeling bad.. wondering if I was somehow a phony (because I did not operate at the level of His power and anointing that I desired to be at. I began crying out "Lord, have mercy on me." God let me cry out to Him for a good 1/2 hour. Then He met me in a way that was His usual style with me.

I got dressed and got in my car to drive to work. I play scripture tapes as I drive. I happen to be in the Psalms. I was remembering how I had cried out to the Lord for His mercy that morning. Then Psalm 136 came on, which repeats over and over "His mercy endures forever." Then God spoke to me and said, "See, here is your scriptural precedence that I am a merciful God, and I have mercy on you, just as you asked me to."

(He has this neat way of meeting me in the mist of "taking me over the ringers...") I have to confess that this process is not fun, but I truly believe He is helping me deal with the things in my life that keep me from praying as effectively as Jesus did.

Last Saturday, (a week after my divine encounter with God), I was at ministry team training and my pastor gave a powerful illustration about God's transformation process. God recalled that example to my memory this morning and gave me an understanding of what had been going on in me earlier this morning.

Rodney, our pastor, poured water in a jar from a pitcher to illustrate God filling us with His Holy Spirit and with His anointing. This particular jar was slightly over 1/2 full of rocks of various sizes/shapes, illustrating the gunk in our lives. As he poured the water in the jar, he talked about how hungry we are for God and how we desire for Him to fill us, and how good it feels when God fills us up with His spirit. We asked to be filled to overflowing (and he poured in so much water that some overflowed the top of the jar and spilled onto the floor). Then he asked if we were really full to capacity.. the jar looked full... it would hold no more.. but the truth is that the rocks were taking up space intended for water. As a result the jar held a lot less than it was intended to. Then he illustrated how we pray that God would enlarge our capacity to receive. Then he showed us how God answers that prayer.. by taking a big long spoon and fishing out one of the rocks. He talked about how it hurts when God is digging deep, prying loose the rock and fishing it out.. but it feels so good when the rock is finally out. And after this big rock comes out, there water settles into where the rock is and there is room to add more water. The amount of water in the jar is the same, but the water level is lower because the rock has been removed. So we again pray "Lord fill us up" and God does (and again he pours water into the jar so that it overflows). The jar holds more water, but there are still rocks in it.. again God decides to enlarge our capacity to receive by removing another rock.. and again the rock remove process is uncomfortable. But once that rock is out and God pours in more water to fill the jar again, it is awesome. And this process seems to repeat over and over.

I was sharing this with a friend and suddenly the Lord spoke to me about my own situation. This morning I had felt so empty, so unanointed. It left me questioning whether or not I moved in God's anointing or was I just a phony. God reminded me of how I struggled with that, then He said "Teresa you are feeling empty right now because I've recently removed a rock and have not yet poured in the water to fill the space it left."

As soon as God said that, it was like things fell into place and began to make sense. My whole focus changed from feeling empty (and wondering what I was doing wrong) to trusting in God's process to enlarge my capacity to receive. God is amazing. He knows what He is doing, even when He does deep and painful works in us. And the end result will be awesome.. being able to hold (e.g, walk in) more of His fullness and more of His anointing, and to have a more intimate relationship with Him.

My guess is that some of you are also going through this process with the Lord. I just want to encourage you in it. God's plans for you are good. He knows what He is doing. He is willing to do it for you and He is powerful enough to do it in you! And you will love the end result.

Thanks for letting me share.