Have you ever had an experience that left you feeling in a dead panic? This happened to me yesterday. I usually go to the ministry PO box about once a week. But things had been exceptionally busy for me between online ministry, classes I taught, ministry engagements, travel and such. So I had not been in about 5 weeks. The Post Office charges for the box once every six months. But one time I asked if I could pay a year's worth, and somehow I remembered doing that last August (payments are due in Feb and Aug). I thought the box was paid until next August. And quite frankly, I just did not think about it.. at least not until I got an email from someone last night telling me that their donation check had been returned because the PO Box was closed.

A dead panic set over me. I realized that I must have paid the year's worth last February instead of last August. Our ministry PO box had been closed through my inadvertent blunder and I felt simply horrible about it. PO Boxes are very hard to come by in my area.. there is often a six month waiting list. The box must have expired around the end of February and here it was early April... so certainly the box had been given away by now! That meant I'd need to reprint all my business cards and ministry stationary, not to mention ordering new checks with the new address, etc... assuming I could even get a new box! And 6 weeks of donation checks had been sent back. And it was all my mistake.. my fault!

For a few seconds it was hard to breath. I felt a real panic. I am usually very responsible and this seemed a highly irresponsible thing to let happen... I had to catch my breath.. and then I realized that I was panicking. Just last weekend I'd taught on trust at a woman's retreat. I knew I had to slow down and trust God. So I stopped mid-stride and prayed. I asked for forgiveness and peace. I got a certain measure of peace, but not complete peace.

I remembered that about a year ago Donna and I had been on our way to the Airport to go to South Africa and we discovered her ticket was missing. She had a brief (maybe 2 minutes) panic, and then she decided to trust God and was fine. And God caused the ticket to miraculously be at the airline counter, waiting for her. At the time, I had been impressed at how fast she got her composure back, and I remember I'd asked the Lord to help me have that type of instant faith. I decided that this was my opportunity to exercise that faith.

But then I was not sure I had a promise to stand on. It had not been Donna's fault that her ticket was lost. Yet it was my fault the renewal fee was not paid in time. Since I had inadvertently been irresponsible with His ministry, maybe He would punish me or something. Was this really a case where I could stand in faith, since it was sort of my own fault that this emergency existed?

I called one of the members of GodSpeak's board of directors and told him about the situation. He was very sweet and told me it was not a big deal. He told me not to worry since there was nothing I could do until tomorrow anyhow. He prayed briefly for me. We asked God to work a miracle.. it seemed impossible at the time, but we asked none the less.. that He would give us back the same PO box we had before.

Well, it was about 7:00 PM. I decided that there was nothing I could do but trust in the Lord with all of my heart, commit my way unto Him, lean not on my own understanding and ask Him to direct my path. I had preached from that scripture (Prov 3:5-6) last Saturday, so now I could live it. Somehow God's peace settled over me and kept me. I did not think about it any more, and had good fellowship with the Lord.

This morning, the peace was still mostly there. There was a slight twinge of concern, but no panic or anxioty. I got in my car to drive to work. I had been listening to Bible tapes and the tape in the car was just in the middle of Deuteronomy 4.

I began pondering how I had inadvertently been careless and that this situation was my fault. I was wondering if God was mad at me. I wondered if He was going to punish me for allowing this situation to occur with His ministry. I asked Him about this, reminded Him of His mercy and asked Him for a scripture to stand on, so I could really trust in Him. Right then I turned on the car, and the Bible tape began to play. It was in the middle of Deuteronomy chapter 4. It started with verse 27 and soon got to:

"But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him, if you look for Him with all your heart and all your soul. When you are in distress and all these things have happened to you, then in later days you will return to the Lord your God and obey Him. For the Lord your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the promises he made to your forefathers..."

"Teresa," God said, "There is your scripture."

"Huh?" I hit rewind and listened to it again. Wow! In verse 27, the was telling them how they would go into captivity for their rebellion. And there was all that grace and mercy in the midst of their sin. When the turned to Him, He was trustworthy. Now I knew I could trust Him with the PO box. I had mostly had peace before, but a confidence and a certainty settled over me. I knew He was going to give me that box back.

I went to the PO box. My key still worked, and my ministry's name was still written in the box's id tag. The box was empty except for a red metal bar that had been placed in it and ran it's whole length, indicating it was "closed". The counter did not open til 8:30, so I left a note in it that I'd be back at 8:30 to pay for it so please don't give it away. I wondered if maybe I would be able to get my mail back.. maybe they had kept it. Right then the Lord spoke to me and told me the mail had been sent back, but don't worry, because He would work it out and the donations would be returned to me.

I felt so confident.

I went to work for a couple of hours and then went back to the PO box. The counter was opened. I explained the situation to the lady. She was very nice, but she said she could not help me. The box had been closed.. it was not dedicated to me any more. So I asked her if I could open a new box and get the same number as before, since it still seemed to be available. She tried, but the computer said it was not available. She offered to give me a different box number... 42-3535 instead of 42-3435. I was tempted to accept it, because if I did not, I might not get any box at all.

But that verse came back to me. I know I could stand in faith and get back the original 42-3435 box. She said she'd like to help me, but she could not. I was flooded with God's peace and confidence, and I knew I had to persevere. So I asked her if there was someone who might be able to help me... maybe a supervisor. She said the supervisor would not be in until 11:00 AM. I could try coming back then. There was a long line behind me by now and undoubtedly one of them would want to open a new box.. but God gave me confidence to trust Him for my old box back. The verses from Deuteronomy 4 kept replaying in my mind.

I thanked her and started to leave. I walked over to the PO box and opened it again.. and saw the note I'd left in it. I knew with a certainty that this was my box... I would get it back.

I got back in line and when I got to the front, the lady thought of another way to help me. The person who worked that section of boxes (called the box section manager) would be in soon. Maybe he could help me. I said I'd wait. He was due it at 9:30. He still had not arrived at 10:00. By now she was really interested in helping me. The Lord had somehow given me an incredible favor with her.

She called me over between customers and had me fill out some paperwork. She said that if I could get 42-3435 back, she'd give it to me. Otherwise, she would hold 42-3535 for me. She was not sure why Bob, the box section manager, was not in. I left her a check and the paperwork. I was going to go back to work and call later to see what happened, which box I ended up with. She also told me not to count on him helping me.. it was his pet peeve when people let their boxes expire, and he had a standing rule to not allow them to get their old number back, even if it was not claimed by someone else. And mine had expired bigtime; not just a few days, but over a month.

I left and began to cross the street. "Go get a coffee and come back." God told me. "I will give you the box." Now I not only had a scripture to lean on, I had clear directions from God. So I spent next 20 minutes drinking a coffee at the little shop across the street from the Post Office and memorizing Deuteronomy 4:29-31. I had a certainty... I knew God was going to break through.

I went back to the post office counter. Miraculously, there was no line. The lady whispered to me that Bob was here and she thought that he might give me the box, but he was not positive about it yet. God told me to thank him. So I asked her if I could thank Bob for his help. She indicated that I might not want to talk to him cuz he was sort of mean to people who violated his pet peeve. I just smiled. A few seconds later, Bob happened to walk up. So she introduced me. I explained how stupid I felt to find I'd paid the year's worth of fee in Feb and not in August. I thanked him for his help in getting the box back and let him know how much I appreciated it. He broke out into a big smile and told me he was glad to help. He was as sweet as could be and I ended up getting my box back, just like God said I would.