The enemy tried to bring me to a place of defeat on the way home from work.. he started with little things to make my "flesh rise up" like the person standing next to me on BART constanting hitting me (like about once very 15 seconds) with her very heavy book bag... people cutting me off when driving the car, etc. My flesh was certainly speaking to my mind and my mind was beginning to come into agreement with it.. I did not do any outward manifestations.. like race around and cut off the car that cut me off, etc. But Oh was the idea tempting and I was becoming decidedly grouchy. And I was becoming agressive in my driving.. not illegal but definately agressive.

Just then the Lord showed me a picture of myself all covered with mud... and he invited me to come to Him. Come to God when I am all muddy and dirty?? I asked Him if He would want me to come to Him while I was so dirty and He said, "Yes, absolutely." Then He told me He would wash me and make me clean. He told me to look to Him.

I did the only logicial thing ... as I was driving along I looked up .. symbolic of looking to Him. While I did not see Him in the natural, I certainly did see Him in the spirit. WOW. It was like a heavy load (that I did not realize was there) was lifted off of me. I felt physicaly lighter. At the same instant, my being was filled with light.. wow. My spirit was refreshed and I became aware of His presense surrounding me.

The the Lord said to me, "See, I have washed away the mud and you are clean."

"Awesome, Lord," I replied. Recently, I have been finding it is getting easier and easier to fall into worship.. I began to do so.. to fall into worship. Then a thought hit me.

"Lord," I asked, "I know I am clean right now. But is my flesh going to rise up next time someone cuts me off and make me all muddy again before I get home?"

"Watch and see," the Lord replied.

"Ug!" I was not sure I liked that answer. That sounded like I would definely have opportunities for the flesh to rise up before I got home and I would see whether or not I got mud covered. At that point, if I had to place a bet on the situation, I would laid even money that the "flesh" would rise up and win.

"I'll tell you the secret," the Lord replied. "Keep your eyes on me instead of on what is going on around you. Then you can walk in My Victory."

"Yes, Lord." I have heard that before. That is pretty much all that He has been saying to me the past two weeks.

"And I want to tell you something very important, Teresa. Are you listening?"

Well, a question phrased like that certainly got my attention. "Yes Lord."

"Teresa, I love you very much. I love you when you are serving Me. I love you when you are resting. And I love you when you are covered with mud and trying to build up the courage to come to Me to let me wash you clean. Sweetheart, I love YOU... not what you do, but who you are. You are my daughter.. and a bit of mud does not change that. So if you do get muddy again, run right back to Me and let me clean you up again. Don't wallow in the mud and don't let it keep you from Me."

A sense of His love washed over me, kinda like He was illustrating His point.

Then someone did a dangerous lane change infront of me... forcing me to slam on my breaks to avoid a collision. The adrenalin raced through my body. Ug! It made me mad. It did not seem fair, here God was doing such an awesome thing and then this happens to cut it off. Or did it have to cut it off?

"Lord," I said, "I am feeling angry, but I choose to look to you. Please help me focus my attention on you now. Come and be in charge of my thoughts." Then I found that instead of dwelling on the jerk that almost caused an accident, my thoughts were dweling on Him. I began to review some of the neat things He has been doing in my life and soon I was filled with worship. Then my attention began to focus away from what He was doing for me to Who He is. The worship increased. By the time I got home, I was almost drunk in the spirit... my spirit was soaring.. God is SO good.. I was walking in His victory. Wow.