What Happens When We Die?

[This is part 4 of a vision described in lessons 6 to 12]

I had many more experiences of feeling His love saturate every fiber of my being. I was amazed that He was giving me His attention for so long when He had all the rest of creation gathered around His throne.

"Teresa, I am a God of personal relationship. That is why I desire for My own to really get to know Me while they are alive on the earth. I love to interact with each of My own, and I am big enough to interact with all of them at once, so no one has to wait or be left out. This doesn't stop when you get to Heaven, it increases. I am going to bring you deeper and deeper into friendship with Me and you will get to know Me better and better."

That sounded wonderful. Imagine having His undivided attention for all of eternity! I realized that there was no way that I would ever be "lost in the massive crowd" that gathered before His throne, because His personal attention was always on me. I imagined that each of the others in Heaven had the same arrangement. It was almost to good to be true, but it was true. And I loved it.

After what seemed like weeks and weeks, Jesus said that He wanted me to spend some time with the other members of the Trinity. He wanted me to be secure in each of their love for me before my time of judgment and final refining began. I think that if I were on the earth, that might have sounded ominous to me that soon I was going to be judged. But up there in Heaven, it just sounded like a great idea, especially the part about being secure in His love for me before it happened.

Jesus was still holding me in His arms like a person carries a small child. My cheek was pressed against His chest and I felt so safe in His loving embrace. Then I had a sense of Jesus handing me to Someone else. "Teresa," Jesus said, "This is the Holy Spirit. Enjoy your time with Him."

How could the Holy Spirit be a physical form up in Heaven holding me, when He was on earth in each of God's children? I could not believe I was in God's presence and instead of worshipping Him, I was puzzling over that question. But I was and He could hear my thoughts as clearly as if I had voiced them verbally.

"There you go again, limiting God." He chuckled. "That is a habit that you are really going to need to get over."

He was right, and for a fraction of a second I felt rebuked. But that feeling could not last as He poured His love and acceptance on me. "Don't worry," He said. "I will help you."

Up to this point I had been held since the moment of my death. The Holy Spirit set me down. This brief concern ran through me that maybe I had done something to upset Him. "No, silly, that is not the case. I am just going to show Myself to you in a different way."

For the most part, I still could not make out very many details, just this bright light of God's glory that radiated all around me. But now I could see this pillar of fire that was standing very near me, and I realized that this was the Holy Spirit in another form. He radiated Holiness, but He also radiated love, and it was impossible to be afraid of Him at that instant.

"Teresa," He said, "I have lived inside of you for a very long time. You have often prayed that I would help you change so that you can be someone I enjoy living inside of. We have been in covenant together about that for some time, and have built a wonderful friendship. But in this process, you have made Me smaller that I really am. You see Me as living inside of you and others. Yes I am there, but I am also everywhere else as well. I am just as big and unlimited and omnipresent as the Father. Yes, I have lived inside of you, but now I want you to briefly come inside of Me so that you can see just how big I really am."

I wondered if He wanted me to step into the fire. But before I had a chance to ask Him about this, the fire began to move towards me. I braced myself to feel burning as the flames began to envelope me. But there was no pain and no heat. Instead there was this wonderful sense of being lost in His presence.

I was reminded of all those wonderful times when I soaked in His presence in renewal meetings and how wonderful it felt when He would manifest Himself to me like that. This was like that only better and stronger. My whole body was tingling with His nearness and it felt like oil was dripping down on the top of my head and then running down my face. There was a sweet taste like honey in my mouth, and I knew I was experiencing His sweetness and love. It felt so good. I started to worship Him and then I wondered if He was OK with that. On earth He always pointed to Jesus and the Father. Was it OK to worship Him while He was still inhabiting all of God's own who were alive on the earth?

He answered my thought before I had a chance to voice it. "Yes, Teresa, it is OK to worship Me, I am God." We had a pause while I worshipped and then He said, "Let me show you a little of how big I really am." All of a sudden we were in many places at the same time and He was there in each of them. I saw Him working in many people's lives at the same time. I was stretched further than I could possibly stretch to take all this in; but because He was holding me, I did not break. I was so totally in awe of His vastness that I could not contain myself. I wanted to worship Him. But He said, "Not yet, Teresa, there is a bit more I want to show you."

Suddenly is was as if I were stretched yet another direction. Not only was He everywhere at once, He was now in all times at once. I saw Him strengthening a first century martyr who was about to be killed by wild beasts in the arena. At the same time, I saw Him meeting my own father on his deathbed, where he accepted Jesus shortly before he died. At the same time I saw Him working in my own heart as I was 13 and a brand new believer. At the same time He was pouring Himself out on many believers in England during the Great Awakening. Seeing Him in all these times and places at the same time was too much for me to bear. I felt like I would explode at any minute, but I never did.

"Don't worry, Sweetheart. I have hold of you and you are safe in Me." His peace flooded over me and I was better able to watch all the things He was showing me. After what seemed like hours and hours, He stopped showing me all of this. I must say, I had a new respect for Him. He was bigger and vaster and more capable than I could have ever imagined. It was impossible not to stop and worship Him at that point, so I did. He received my worship for quite some time. For a bit, it seemed like all of Heaven was worshipping Him along with me.

Then I was alone with Him. It was just Him and me talking. He began to remind me of a lot of things He had done in my life and things He had taught me when I was on the earth. We did that for a really long time, and it felt so good to be together, communicating with each other. At one point I said, "You know, Lord, talking to You here is a lot like it was when I prayed to you on earth."

He laughed. "How about that!" We laughed together for a while and then He said, "You see, once you receive Jesus on earth, I give you the same access to Me that you will have in Heaven. Many of My own don't take the full measure of the access that has been granted to them. Even My indwelling each of you is a form of that access."