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On Wednesday, the Lord had used Don to speak propheticly into my life. I found myself sparked to a new level of life and expecation in Him. I was literally "soaring with the eagles" in my spirit. Thursday was awesome with the Lord and I could sense His presense all over me even though nothing specific happened.
We have our renewal meetings on Fridays. I was really looking forward to going to it -- the renewal meetings tend to be the highlight of my week. Friday morning I got involved in IRC in a protracted ministry time followed by a lovely chat with a friend. I ended up being very late to work and had to work late -- late enough that I'd miss most of the pre-service prayer. Oh well. I was on my way from work to the renewal meeting and heard the Lord tell me to go home instead.
I decided to obey what I felt He was telling me, trusing Him to correct me if I'd heard wrong. You don't know how hard it is for me to miss a renewal meeting -- I love them passionately.
"Teresa," the Lord spoke to me, "I don't want you to become dependent on this meeting or that meeting. I want you to be dependent solely on Me. Do not look to Me to work this way or that way -- just look to Me."
That conversation left me feeling that the Lord was going to meet me at home powerfully. I sort of expected it to be just like a renewal meeting at home with the Lord. So I got home, rushed through dinner, turned on the worship music and waited on the Lord.
Well, I waited for a long time and I finally started getting bored. But He did not seem to come and meet me. Sigh. Had I heard wrong? Should I hop in my car and run over to the renewal meeting?
"No, Teresa," the Lord said. "I want you to stay home tonight and trust Me to meet you."
Well, circumstances did not seem to be supporting what I was hearing. I began to wonder if maybe this really was NOT God's voice and maybe I was supposed to be at the renewal meeting. Maybe the enemy was deceiving me and keeping me at home so that I'd miss a blessing God had for me. (Hubby was at a late meeting that evening, so I had the house to myself.) I started struggling with hearing God's voice as opposed to hearing my own voice (or even the enemy's voice) and attributing it to the Lord. As I struggled with it I realized that my favorite activity (which only came once a week) was on the line. It would be a costly mistake to hear wrong.
But the Holy Spirit sort of pointed out to me that the real issue here was trust. Could I trust God to correct if I'd in fact heard wrong? Could I act on what I'd heard trusting Him to speak to me if I was mistaken.
I guess sometimes it is harder to trust God than others. Yes, I wanted to trust God. Yes, I knew He was more capable of communicating to me clearly than I was of hearing wrong. I remember praying, "OK. Lord. I trust You. I think I heard You tell me to change my plans and stay home tonight. I feel like I might really be missing out on something. The stakes feel high to me tonight. But I am going to trust that You'd make it clear if I'd heard wrong and I'm going to obey what I think I heard. Please come and correct me if I'm off base. Come show me Your will if I have infact heard wrong."
I sat there for a little while longer and still felt bored. So I told the Lord that I was going to go watch TV and invited Him to come watch it with me. I turned on the TV and started watching "Quantum Leap" a wholesome show that promotes christian values. Usually I really enjoy this show, but could not seem to get into it. I felt a little restless and a tad frustrated. Here I was supposed to be staying home so God could meet me instead of going to the renewal meeting -- but God was not meeting me. It was a very restful and relaxing night -- but certainly nothing to write home about. Then I decided to log on to irc.
It happened that most everyone on #new-wine was leaving just about when I got there. One fellow named Steve was staying and we chatted a bit. As we chatted, the Lord started showing me all sorts of things about Steve. I finally started asking him questions along the lines of what the Lord was showing me. The more we chatted, the more the Lord showed me. It was beginning to get detailed and then the Lord had some lovely promises and encouraging words for Steve. As I was ministering to Steve, I was aware that I was operating in the prophetic in a similar manner to how Don Pirozok had ministered to me. (Normally I would have all sorts of fears/anxioty about giving a prophetic word of this nature and detail.) But I felt perfectly at peace, in fact I felt incredibly at peace. And from Steve's reactions, the ministry was certainly breathing life into him -- the very thing I'd told the Lord I wished He'd let partispate with Him in ministry to do.
By the end of the conversation, I really felt the Lord's presense. I was totally in awe that He had used me to do such a detailed and life giving prophesy. I was in awe at His his power and wisdom and amazed at the intensity of His peace over me. I knew that I was operating in this gift, but there was no fear. Only a quiet confidence in Him and a real sense of pleasure watching Him minister so deeply to Steve. I began really rejoicing in my spirit. I knew He would use me again. No anxioty --just a quiet knowing. God is awesome.
It turned out that God met me Friday night after all, but releasing me into a higher level of prophetic that I'd ever operated at before. And if I'd been at the renewal meeting, I'd never have been home in time to meet Steve on irc.
Well, I am a part of the sunday morning prayer team. At the end of service, they invite up those who whan prayer and we minister to them. One lady bee-lined to me and two other prayer team members came over to help pray for her. As we prayed/ministered to her, the Lord focused my eyes on another lady who was standing there waiting for prayer. He told me to leave the one we were ministering to and to go to the other because He had a word for her that He wanted me to give her. So, as soon as there was a reasonable break in the ministry to the first lady, I left and went over to the other lady. (The rest of the team stayed to continue praying with the first lady, who needed a lot of attention/time.)
I have seen the person who God sent me to before, even ministered to her a few times at renewal meetings. But I did not know her at all, not even her name. As I prayed for her, the Lord gave me a fairly detailed word for her, including a reference to her profession and some fairly other detailed things. He started addressing her deepest fears/concerns and encouraging her in Him. She was, infact, a very mature and very strong christian. God was releasing her into ministry, telling her that He'd already equipped her and how was the time. I remember thinking that this was similar to the word Don had given me about "now" being the time for me. I briefly prayed to make sure that I was not projecting His earlier word to me onto her. He said that this was infact His word for her and I was saturated in that same suprenatural peace as I delivered it. God was so awesome. This was the second time He was allowing me to operate at an incredible level of detail in prophesy. I could literally see into her spirit and see what God was doing. After the ministry time was over, we chatted for a bit and she confirmed the accuracy of those details, feeling overwhelmed that God would meet her in this way and feeling very alive and excited about Him and saturated with His love.
I felt pretty alive and saturated with His love too, and very greatful that He would allow me to partisipate with Him in ministry at this level. But I also started thinking -- I wanted to touch bases with my leadership at church and make sure they knew that this was going on and that it was OK to minister propheticly like this at Church. I felt a real peace about talking to them about this and prayed for the Lord to provide the opportunity. He did in fact provide that opportunity a few days later.
I continued to feel really excited about what God was doing. It seemed to me that somehow there was a correlation between Don's minsitry to me and the ministry that the Lord was now letting me perform at. I called Don monday morning to let him know. He did not seem particularly surprised that this had happened. He said it was 'activation' -- where one person operates in a gift that God has placed in another person. Somehow God uses ministry from the person already operating in that gift to release the other person into that gift.
As we talked some more, it became clear that God was calling me to be a personal intercessor for Don for a while. So I asked him if he had any prayer requests. I won't go it the details because they are condifential. But Don shared some of the areas where the enemy was attacking him. As Don shared, it became very clear to me that there is a "price" along with the prophetic gifting -- first God himself deals with the areas of your life that need "adjustment" to His ways (or God breaks you) and second the enemy counter-attacks you because the prophetic ministry is one where captives are released and bondages are broken. Any time you release one of Satan's captives, you are tearing down his kingdom and of course he fights back or counter-attacks. As Don humbly and gently shared some of his prayer requests, I could see that there really was a big price tag for being sold out to the Lord and operating in His gifts and being used to further His kingdom.
After we got off the phone, I felt so greatful to the Lord for allowing me to be Don's intercessor for a while. I got a chance to see the real person as well as the gifting he operated in. It was such an encouragement to me to find that Don was a regular human who struggled with things and had weaknesses, just like I do. If God could use him so powerfully, despite his human weaknesses, God could use me too. What a blessing for God to put us together for a while.
Well, the counter attacks for interceeding for Don started the next day. First, on the way to BART, my walkman slipped off my shoulder and broke. (I like to listen to worship music as I commute and also sometimes at work. Finances are tight right now, so I can't really afford to replace it.) Then, at work that day, I got a phone call from the alarm company that someone had broken into my house and I'd better go home. The police had already been dispatched. As I was commuting home (the commute takes about 45 mintues to an hour), I began asking the Lord about the situation. Was this an attack because I was praying for Don. The Lord say yes, but that I should not be frightened. Satan has asked for permission to destroy me but was only given permission to annoy/harrass me. He told me that my house had been broken into, but that no damage was done and that nothing was missing. I got home and my husband was already home and the police were not there. Apparently, the alarm had gone off and scared away the intruder. Nothing appears to be missing and indeed nothing was damaged. Anyhow, I take these increased attacks of the enemy as a sign that I really am supposed to be praying for Don and that my prayers are effective. Funny that the Lord could use something like increased harrassement from the enemy to encourage me... but God does have a way of turning situations around to His glory.
Still, it was annoying to have to leave work in the middle of the work day. Since it is a two hour round trip commute. So I decided it was too late to back to work. I telephoned a friend at church -- someone who (like myself) leads/oversees intercessors at church. We chatted for a while and then the Lord started giving me a word for her. It was really weird -- first He had me repeat back to her a question she'd been asking Him (I did not know she had this question) and then He had me tell her the answer and then He gave her a lovely promise regarding this situation. His Spirit showed up very intensely and she was so overcome that she became incoherent. She tends to be easy to receive anyhow, but it seemed like God was hitting her with more intensity than usual. Anyhow, she kept saying things like "You don't know how significant this is" and "That was one of the most powerful personal prophesies I've ever received."
At the same time He is doing this neat stuff, He is working in me to address deep issues. A few basic low laying emotions that I did not even know I had have surfaced during devotions times under the guide of the Holy Spirit. He told me that He is bringing these into the light because the needs to deal with them so they don't hold me back from where He is taking me. For instance, one morning I found myself asking Him if I could REALLY trust Him to work in my life and be concerned with every detail of me. I was immediately horrified at myself. I know (in my head) that God is totally trustworthy. But He was showing me that there is a level of my emotional makeup that does not really believe this and that He wants to address trust at that level. He says that is part of what underlies my "fear of being deceived" as I move in prophetic types of giftings. I thought He'd be angry at me for asking this question because "without faith it is impossible to please Him" and I was horrified at myself for having that question within my spirit. But He told me that He is not mad at all. He always knew that this question was in me and now He has made my conscious mind aware of it so that He can come and address the issue. He said He will address it at the level of the question (deep) so that all of me will know how trustworthy He was. I was really surprised at how NICE He was about all this -- not mad, but realistic. Identified the problem and made me realize there is a problem and now He is interested in fixing the problem rather than in being upset with me because the problem exists. Isn't He a good God! No wonder I want to serve and obey Him with every ounce of my being!
The week continued, with divine coicidences etched into each and every day. God seemed to be opening doors for me and putting together relationships as never before. I went back and re-read my notes from Don's prophesy to me and saw the the Lord had already been doing just about everything He said He would be doing via that prophesy. God is so incredible!
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