This will probably come out a bit jumbled, but I want to sort of put three events together and share key incidents from them. They all revolve around one of the leaders of the Mozambique revival who is named Surpresa Sithole. His name translates to "Surprise" in English, and he enjoys introducing himself as "My name is Surprise".
He has been at my church three times in the last five days. The first time was an impromptu meeting called with 24 hours notice on Saturday night, primarily for leaders in our Church. It was a small informal group of 20 to 30 people. Rodney introduced Surpresa and shared how they met, then Surpresa got up and shared some of his testimony. He had some amazing stories that were very inspiring. I won't try to share all of them for you, but you can order tapes from Elmhurst Baptist Church if you are really interested in hearing the details.
But let me share a couple of stories that particularly stood out to me, just to give you an idea of what this man is like. When he was a teenager, he was awakened by an audible voice telling him to leave his parents house or he would die. He tried to ignore it, but the voice came back the next night, and shook his sleeping mat for emphasis. So he got out of bed and left the house. He went to his best friends house. The best friend said he'd go wherever Surpresa went. So Surpresa and his friend began walking in the wee hours of the morning. They walked for a few weeks until they came to this certain city. At that city, someone led the two of them to the Lord. Surpresa has never been back to his village. However, many years later he learned that his mother and father and sister died shortly after he left the house. If he'd been there, he would have died too.
Since his conversion, Surpresa has had all sorts of visions. And God has given him a supernatural ability with languages. Whenever God sends him somewhere, God downloads that language in to Surpresa and he becomes able to speak that language fluently within a few hours. (I think that comes closer to approximating the Acts 2 version of the gift of tongues than what we usually see in our churches today.) Surpresa has several stories where he should have been killed but God miraculously spared his life, but I won't tell them here. In 1997, he was given a vision of Heidi Baker calling him to come and help her. Because of that vision, he went to Maputo to go work with the Bakers and is on staff with them to this very day. In fact, he is one of the four international leaders of the revival that started in Mozambique and is sweeping through many countries in Africa.
He has seen a lot of miracles when preaching the gospel -- blind eyes and deaf ears opened, crippled people walking, etc. He has even personally raised three people from the dead. But he does not talk about the signs and wonders much. He talks a whole lot more about intimacy with God and hunger for Him.
SATURDAY NIGHT MINISTRY
Then had a ministry time at the end of the small Saturday night service where Surpresa prayed for revival impartation for each one of us. (It is a long story, but one time when Rodney was in Mozambique, Marc Dupont was also there and gave Rodney a word that the reason God kept sending Rodney back to Mozambique was to put the revival anointing in him, so Rodney could take it back to the San Francisco Bay Area. Rodney and several of us at his church firmly believe God wants to release that same type of revival in our area.) So Surpresa prayed for us to receive impartation for revival. We formed a long line across the front of the church and Surpresa moved down the line, praying for each of us. In fact, there were enough of us that some people ended up in a second line behind the first line. I was in the first line, somewhere close to the middle of it.
I was hungry for more of God. When I first arrived at the meeting, my "wish list" for impartation was for that gift of languages. I thought it would be awesome if God would give me that ability so that I would not be at the mercy of the interpreters when I spoke in foreign countries. But as I stood there in line, all I really wanted was more and deeper intimacy with God. I was so hungry for more of God that I could not think of anything else that I wanted from Him. As Surpresa got closer, I could sort of feel the power anointing surrounding me increase. I figured that something incredible was about to happen. Then Surpresa took my hands and prayed for impartation. There was this short initial surge of power that hit me for a couple of seconds. Surpresa prayed for me for maybe 30 seconds after that, and it was "nice" but not nearly as powerful as I'd expected. I could feel a sweet tingling in my hands that I associate with the Lord's nearness, but it definitely was not a thunder and lightening experience.
He did not really pray anything specific over me, just the word "impartation." Then he moved on to the next person. I could feel the Lord's nearness, so I stood there drinking it in. Mostly my attention was on the Lord, but a few stray thoughts did manage to run through my mind. I heard Surpresa giving specifics for others that the prayed for -- signs and wonders, miraculous healings, etc. I that this fleeting thought where I wondered if maybe I'd been shortchanged.
Then my awareness of the Lord's presence seemed to increase and I heard this very strong thought -- "If you have God, how can you possibly be shortchanged? God is giving you Himself, what more could you possibly want or need?" Those thoughts did not sound like my own thoughts, but they sure seemed right on and I found myself agreeing strongly with them. Then I wondered if the Holy Spirit had spoken directly to my spirit, or if an angel had whispered that to me in my mind's ear. Then I heard, "Does it matter? Either way it originates from God and is Him speaking to you."
His presence did not feel powerful or strong. It was more sweet and gentle than anything else. But it surrounded me and it felt so good. I thought to myself, "God is so good and I just love to be near Him!" I stood there for a long time just drinking in His gentle nearness. It was not overwhelming but it was pleasant. It felt very nice.
After a long time, I opened my eyes and glanced around. I was still standing and most of the people were kneeling or lying on the ground, or they had already left the front. I decided that I was a bit fatigued (I think I'd been standing about 40 minutes by that point), so I knelt down. I began asking God to increase my hunger. Then I got on my face and called out silently, but intently, to Him.
A few minutes later, I got this terrible cramp in my foot. I tried to ignore it, but the pain was too much to ignore. So I changed to a kneeling position with the one foot under me, so I could press it against the floor, as that type of pressure helps foot cramps feel better. (I have been having a lot of muscle cramps recently which might be a symptom of being potassium deficient, and I was scheduled to take a blood test for it the following Wednesday. I was determined that I was not going to let the cramp pull me out of God's presence.
The sense of His presence was very light at first, but as I lingered before Him, it started to get heavier, until it totally overwhelmed my senses. I was kneeling. Then I noticed that I was shaking under the anointing. I began to worry about it... "Lord, are You causing me to shake or is that something I am doing myself because I want You to touch me so much?"
The Lord replied, "Teresa, what difference does it make? I don't care if you shake or not. It is not important. What is important is for you to seek Me and yield to My Spirit." That put me at peace. As my awareness of His nearness increased, I ended up on my face again before Him again.
Then I started getting a really bad cramp in my back, right near my shoulder blade. It hurt so much that I found myself rolling over onto my back and pressing my shoulder against the floor as hard as I could. I asked God to please make the pain go away. I was determined to stay in His presence and I was not going to let some muscle cramp pull me out of it. The cramp decreased and then I found myself sitting up (like I'd been startled) and looking around the room. There were still several people who were soaking in God's presence. I stopped looking around and simply knelt before the Lord for a while.
I could feel God's presence on me and my attention was focused mostly on Him. However, I could hear Surpresa praying for someone near me. I glanced over and saw him praying for a man who was lying on the carpet. I could not see who it was because of the position of the bodies, but it really did not matter who he was praying for. I remembered thinking that it would be "neat" if Surpresa would pray for me again. But it really did not seem that important for him to do that, since God was already meeting me so strongly. I put my focus back on God again. I was kneeling with my face on the ground and I felt someone put their hand on my back and there was this surge of power. Then I heard Surpresa's voice praying for me. At first it was those "more, fill, impart" type of prayer.
Then it changed and Surpresa began to prophecy to me. "You walk in a certain way," he said. He repeated it multiple times. At first I did not understand what he meant. I figured he was going to tell me that God wanted to change my direction or that God wanted me to be more flexible, or something like that. Then he said, "The way you walk in is God's way, not man's way." Then it made sense to me. I feel that I have been called to walk in strict obedience to God, a strong commitment to His lordship in my life. I realized that is what the prophecy was talking about. Then he continued, "And God is calling you to teach many, many, many, many, many people to walk in this way." He went on developing this for a bit, talking about how God was using me to teach many people from all different races and nationalities and walks of life. God had tasked me to teach them to walk in the same way that Jesus walked.
Surpresa did not know me at all. Yet he was speaking what I felt to be the primary call of God on my life. That was so confirming and so affirming. I was so overwhelmed with the sense of God's goodness. God's power was on me so strongly that I did not even notice when Surpresa left me to go pray for someone else. I ended up on laying flat on the ground for a while before the Lord, my face in the carpet, just lost in His goodness.
Then after a while I moved back to a kneeling position. I realized I had been moving around quite a bit, so I apologized to God for that. He told me that my physical position did matter at all, and that I was free to move around as much as I wanted. The issue was not my posture, but that my spirit be submissive before God as I waited on Him. Then the sense of His nearness increased a great deal, until it totally overwhelmed my senses.
I love it when I encounter God in this way. I sort of alternated between worshipping Him and crying out for more of Him and desiring to please Him. One of my regular prayers lately has been, "Lord I want to be someone who You enjoy living in. I want to be someone You like to have around, and I want You to want to take me with You when You go places and do things. I want to be allowed to participate with You." I prayed that prayer quite a bit that evening. I also asked God to make whatever changes He wanted to make in me to get me to that place. (Little did I know He would begin to answer in less than 24 hours, but in a totally different way than I expected.) His strong presence was absolutely wonderful and I just loving being surrounded by it.
After a while this peace hit me. I felt myself melting under it. I ended up lying on my side on the floor. He still felt very close, but it was a peace thing, not a power thing. I am not sure, but I think I may have fallen asleep for a short period. I think this because I suddenly became aware of lying on my side on the floor and feeling a great peace and sense of His love. I lay in it for some time and it felt so good. Then I heard "Ok, we are done for now. Get up and go home to your husband." So I did.
It was quite late and most people, including Rodney and our guest speaker, had already left.
SUNDAY NIGHT
Sunday morning was a regular service and Surpresa was at some other church. Rodney suggested we "arrive early" for the evening service so we could get a seat because we would have a lot of visitors. He said that if we did not arrive early, we would be forced to become "back row Baptists."
It turned out that June and Harry were the deacons that day who would be unlocking the church for evening service. So I asked them what time they would unlock things. She said 5:30. Then I asked if I could just leave some of my stuff on my chair (I like to sit in the front row) to save my seat for the evening service. She said "sure." But when I got back to service at 5:40, they had put reserved signs on all of the seats on the front row. The ones in the section were I left my stuff said "reserved for pastoral staff."
I am in a sort of odd position in my church. I am ordained by this church, but I am not on staff with the church. So I am a "pastor" but not on the "pastoral staff." So I figured out that I would need to move. I picked up my stuff and looked around. Most of the seats near the front were already taken, but as it turned out there was a seat in the third row next to one of my friends.
This incident should not have bothered me at all, it was not that big of a deal. But apparently it set of a "trigger" of a past hurt (a feeling that I don't measure up, that I am not good enough.) And the full pain of this forgotten past hurt came up to the surface full force. I felt overwhelmed and taken out by it. When the service started, I went up to the front to worship because there wasn't enough room to kneel in the row I was sitting in. (That's why I like to sit in the front row, so I can kneel or get on my face during worship.)
I started by standing off standing in front of the front row, in the right corner of the room. Apparently a lot of people had the same idea as me and it was soon very crowded where I was. I tried to drown everything out and focus on the Lord and worship Him. But each time I would try to do that, the full force of the pain would come up and overwhelm me. I tried to stop looking at the circumstances and look at God, Who was certainly worthy of all praise and worship and glory and honor. But it was like my pain was shouting at me and it would not be ignored. The more I tried to ignore it, the louder it seemed to shout at me. I felt so bad. All I wanted to do was leave and go home. But something inside of me knew I should not do that, so I forced myself to stay. No matter how hard I tried, I just could not seem to get into the worship.
Finally this one song came on that is one that always brings me right to the throne of God. I heard the cords of the introduction and all I wanted was to get on my face before God. But there simply was not room to do that where I was, as people were standing (or sitting on the floor) all around me. I thought to myself "Yeah right. That figures. This is sure a lousy night. I wish I had not come." Then this thought that did not sound like my own flashed across my mind, "If there isn't room here, then find somewhere where there is room to get on your face and worship."
"Duh!" why didn't I think of that earlier instead of letting myself feel frustrated? I glanced across the front and realized that there was a nice big space sort of near the center. So I walked quietly over to it and knelt down. The cords of this favorite worship song seemed to swallow my problems up and redirect my focus to God. Soon I began to sense His nearness in the service and I was soon my face before Him, lost in worship. I had wasted 3/4 of the worship service struggling with inner issues, but now I was deeply into the worship.
Worship was over all too soon and Rodney was introducing the guest speaker. I wanted to get up and go back to my seat, but I could not seem to move. I was mildly concerned because I was in a conspicuous position -- front center, but I could not do anything about it. I stayed in the Lord's presence a bit longer. When I sat up, I realized that people were sitting on the ground all around me and that I was not conspicuous at all. This thought flashed through my mind, "See, God took care of you and did not embarrass you."
I realized that this might be the best seat in the house, right in front. So I decided to stay there for the sermon. It was a great sermon and I really enjoyed it. My only complaint was that it was not long enough. I wanted him to teach much longer than he did, as his words seemed to breath life and inspiration into me. The pain of my past hurt was totally forgotten.
Surpresa closed by inviting people to come up front and kneel at the altar and recommit their lives to serve God. Conveniently, I was already at the back of "front area." So all I had to do was to adjust from a sitting position to a kneeling one. Many people filtered past me to fill in the altar area and kneel before God. I began to seek God's face and cry out to Him for His presence, just like everyone else was doing.
For a while, wanting God was all I thought of. Then I happened to open my eyes and I noticed that Surpresa was not the only one praying for people. Rodney was praying for people in my area. He stood right near me and he laid hands on everyone around me and prayed for each of them. But he did not touch me or pray for me. It would not usually bother me to get accidentally skipped like that. But that night my trigger was still raw, and those past hurts shot up again. My feelings started playing tricks on me. Not only was I not "good enough" for a seat, I wasn't even good enough to receive ministry prayer. It sounds silly now, but it "felt real" at the time. I asked myself "Why on earth am I struggling with these type of thoughts? This is not normal for me." But the pain was very real and very overwhelming. So I began silently crying out to God for help and mercy.
Then I noticed Surpresa praying for people near me. He prayed for the lady right beside me, then changed directions and moved away from me. I thought to myself "It figures!" I felt very frustrated. Fortunately, I took my frustration to God and asked Him to help me with it. A peace and calmness began to descend on me. I still hurt -- a lot -- but at least I was not having those crazy thoughts any more. So I knew that God was meeting me, even though it was not in the same wonderful way as He had done the night before. I closed my eyes and sought the Lord.
After a while I felt a hand on the top of my head and heard Surpresa praying for me. It was just a short generic prayer asking God to impart into me. There was not much to it before he released me and moved on to someone else. But I had received prayer, just like everyone else. I did not get skipped. That made my topsy-turvy emotions feel better. I could sense a very light presence of God and I began to focus on it. The pain seemed to subside.
After a little while, I opened my eyes and noticed a very elegant looking black lady standing not far from me. She had her eyes closed and was looking up and had her hands uplifted. From her posture and gestures, I knew she was pressing in to God. I was not looking for a vision or a prophetic word for her. But suddenly I saw a vision of her dressed as an African tribal princess. And God deposited some information inside of me for her, He had given me a word for her. I hesitated about giving the prophecy to her. I thought maybe I should not minister because I was in emotional pain. I did not want my own issues to get in the way and corrupt God's word. But there was this intensity inside of me that I recognized as the Spirit prompting me to prophesy to her.
So I finally got up and walked over to her. She was intent in prayer, so I put my hand gently on her shoulder and prayed silently for her. A few seconds later, she opened her eyes and looked at me with one of those "what are you doing?" expressions. So I mentioned to here that I was released to prophesy in this church and that God had given me a word for her. Then I asked if it was ok with her if I shared that word. She said that would be fine. I began by sharing the vision that God had given me and then proceeded to prophesy to her for several minutes. When I finished she looked at me and said, "Thank you, I really needed to hear that." I left her and she continued pressing into the Lord. I glanced at her a few seconds later, and she was shaking under the power of the Lord. God was clearly meeting her. I suspect that God had been speaking to her as she stood waiting on Him, then God sent me over to prophesy to her what He'd already said to her as a confirmation.
My own pain was forgotten as I ministered. Even as I stepped away from her, God directed my eyes to someone else and gave me a word for that person. That person gave me the same comment at the end, "Thank you, I really needed to hear that." I ended up prophesying to about seven or eight people that night most of whom I did not know.
I remember being a little surprised that God would use me to prophecy when I had been struggling so much with my own issues that evening. (I don't usually struggle with issues and past hurts, so this was sort of "new" to me.) God's answer to me was sort of a matter of fact, "You are My servant and you know how to minister prophetically. There are many people here who I want to minister to. You were at the meeting, so why wouldn't I use you to minister?"
The emotional pain went away when I first started to minister and did not come back for the rest of the service.
After I finished ministering, I decided that I wanted to get Surpresa to pray for me for an impartation of the "gift of languages" before he left that night. I went over to where he was ministering and sort of stood around, kind of waiting my turn. There were a lot of people who wanted him to pray for them. About when it was "my turn," Mary (Surpresa was staying at her house) and one of the other ladies from the church came up to Surpresa. He turned away from me to talk to them. They wanted prayer so he prayed for them. After they finished, then Rodney came up and told him it was time to go.
Normally I would have been disappointed but said nothing. However, something rose up inside of me and I said to Rodney, "He can't leave until he prays for me for impartation of the gift of languages. I am sick of being at the mercy of interpreters when I travel internationally."
So Surpresa asked me which language I wanted. I told him that I want whatever language of where ever I happen to be ministering. He said it doesn't work that way, I need to start by choosing one and asking God for it. Then he asked me which language I wanted. I began to mentally run through the countries I would be visiting this year -- Nigeria, South Africa, Swaziland, Botswana, Zimbabwe and India. I realized that I did not know what language they spoke in many of those countries. But Surpresa kept asking me to name a specific language. I was feeling very flustered and I finally blustered out Telegu (the language they speak in the part of India where I will minister). But Surpresa heard me wrong and began asking God to give me Swahili. Then he generalized it and asked God to give me the ability to speak whatever the language was where ever He sent me, which is what I had been asking for in the first place.
I did not feel anything when he prayed for me, but he reacted like some great power went out of him and bounded off of me (instead of going into me) and hit him and sent him staggering backwards. I decided that I did not care what it looked like, I choose to receive the impartation in faith.
I must confess that I left that night with really mixed feelings. The first night had been wonderful but the second night was more painful than anything else. I had a reaction that I am not proud of. When I got home, I felt sort of distant from God -- as though I had done something wrong even though I knew I had not done anything wrong. So instead of praying and pressing into God about it, I elected to stay up until the week hours of the morning, watching television and avoiding God. The next day, Monday, was not a very spiritual day for me. God felt far away and from time to time those feelings of inadequacy and not measuring up would sort of bite me. It was not a fun day. It got me thinking that maybe I should not go hear Surpresa speak at the monthly pastor's fellowship. The first meeting had been great. The second meeting had been "not so good." So maybe the third meeting would be horrible. Maybe I should just skip it.
WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON
It turns out that I had to make a couple of announcements at the pastor's meeting, regarding an upcoming intermediate level prophetic workshop and also a prophetic ministry service we would have soon. So I could not skip the pastor's meeting. But I did not go with very high expectations of receiving anything from God. Just before the meeting, the Lord sort of chided me for that attitude. He said that this attitude was like accusing Him of being mean or unloving. I found myself repenting before Him. I knew Him to be a good God, so how on earth could I assign bad motives to Him. I felt bad when God showed me what my attitude looked like from His perspective.
The meeting stated with announcements and then they showed the preview for the new Mel Gibson movie, "The Passion." After that Rodney invited Surpresa up and did an interview with him. It was very well done and very inspiring. I had heard most of the stories before (at one of the two previous meetings). But they were so good that I enjoyed hearing them again. In fact, I had fun listening to Surpresa. When the interview ended, Rodney asked Surpresa to pray a corporate prayer of impartation over us. Then Rodney said that Surpresa would pray individually for any of us who wanted prayer and invited us to get in line for prayer. Everyone flocked to the line so quickly that I was sort of near the end of the line.
As I stood in line, I could feel the Lord's presence increasing in the room. I could feel power and anointing coming from the general area where Surpresa was praying for people. If felt good just being near the anointing. I did not feel in any hurry to receive prayer. In fact, it was fun watching various ministers get prayed for. There was sort of a joyful light-hearted mood over the ministry time, but it was still a very powerful ministry time. One of the men walked way with tears streaming down his face as his heart was touched by God's love and compassion. Some were staggering under the anointing as they walked away.
From time to time, Surpresa would say, "Pastor Rodney, take over" and he would sort of pass the person who he was praying for over to Rodney. He did that with about half of them. Some of the time Surpresa would practically shout his prayers. Mostly He was asking God to impart revival or miracles, etc. Other times he would whisper the prayers and it was impossible to hear what he prayed. In each case he would ask the person what their name was and then use their name several times as he prayed for them.
I could really feel God's power flowing as Surpresa ministered to the various pastors in line in front of me. In fact, I found myself hardly able to stand because the anointing seemed so strong. I remember turning to the person in line behind me, and saying, "I don't think I am going to make it to the front to get prayer. I don't think I can stay standing that long."
However, I was still standing when it came my turn to receive prayer. Surpresa looked at me for a second and said, "Teresa, right?" At first I was very surprised that he knew my name, then I realized that he had heard it in the meeting when Rodney invited me up to do make my announcements. Still it was nice that he remembered my name.
As Surpresa placed his hand on my shoulder to pray for me, this strong anointing hit both of us, causing both of us to crunch and back up at the same time and cry out "Whoa!" We staggered back towards each other and I found that I could not stand upright. I was bowed at the waist and I stayed that way while he prayed for me. The prayer was short but power packed. He began to ask God to impart the prophetic to me -- a deeper level of hearing with my ears and a deeper level of seeing with my eyes.
I was not at all upset, but I do remember being surprised that he would ask God to impart into me the one thing I already had a strong anointing in. God heard my unasked question and answered it before I even had a chance to ask Him. This did not happen audibly, but I could hear Surpresa's voice running through my mind, repeating something he had said earlier during the meeting. He was talking about anointing and crying out to God for more, and he said something that will step on most Westerner's toes. He said, "You guys come to God and ask Him to fill you and impart into you. But you don't go use it. Instead you come back the next day and ask God for more. And He gives you more. But you don't go and use that either. Instead you go back and ask God for more. And why should God keep giving you more when you don't even use what He has already given you?" Then Surpresa went on to say, "The way to get more is to use what God has already put in you, then it will begin to grow."
All that flashed before my mind's ear as he prayed for me. I knew I was ministering in the prophetic and training and raising up others to move in the prophetic. And that was why God was having him pray for an increased impartation in the prophetic, because I was already using what I had in it. And in praying for a greater impartation, he was also praying for greater opportunities for me to use the gift. That made it real to me that God wanted to give me more, to take me to the next level. I started thinking about the level and nature of visions that Surpresa had and I began to get excited about what God was imparting to me. The prayer began to sound really good to me.
After about two or three minutes, Surpresa asked Rodney to "finish me off" in prayer. For some reason, Rodney began to pray over me in Portuguese. We had been to Brazil together a year or two ago as part of Randy Clark's team and we had learned some simple prayers -- "More anointing, more power." And that is what Rodney prayed in Portuguese over me. Even as he was praying, I remember asking him why he was praying for me in Portuguese. But he did not answer me. After a minute or two, I sort of staggered away from the ministry area to a back table. I could not stand, so I sat in a chair, overwhelmed by God's presence. It felt so good (even better and stronger than Saturday night).
After a while I slipped out of the chair and ended up on the floor. At first God's presence was very strong. But after a short while, it got fairly light. I could still sense it, but it was not all encompassing and overwhelming like it had been a few minutes before. I decided to get up. God spoke to me and said, "Teresa I am not done with you yet." Then He reminded me of Saturday night where it started very light and then got really strong as I waited before Him. So I said OK and waited before Him. I sort of mentally reviewed the prayer Surpresa had prayed and found myself asking God to give me more visions and to increase my prophetic anointing.
I waited for what seemed like a long time and not much seemed to be happening. So I finally got up and started towards the table where my stuff was. That was when I realized that the Spirit was still on me strongly. I could hardly walk. I staggered over to the table and almost fell down. I had to grab the table to keep from falling. I stood there for a few minutes, holding on to the table and trying to regain my balance. I finally ended up tumbling to the ground near the table. As it turns out, Surpresa was on the floor not that far from where I was. I noticed him as I fell. Also, as I fell, I heard God say this, "I told you I wasn't done with you yet."
Ok, I got the point!
I invited the Lord to come on me and do whatever He wanted to do. Then it felt like someone draped some sort of heavy cloth over me. I opened my eyes. I could feel this cloth to touching me but I could not see it. Then God spoke to me and said, "That is a mantle that I have placed on you." It was quite heavy and I mentioned that to God. He said that what I was feeling was "the weight of His mantle."
I laid there for a bit, sort of processing it and at the same time drinking in His presence. His presence felt very strong again, almost tangible. Then it felt like something metal and very heavy was laid on my chest. I had my eyes closed and did not try to look at it, but I had the mental image of a breastplate from those old suits of armor the then knights wore in the middle ages. It was so heavy that I could hardly breath.
It was so heavy that My ribs could hardly expand to allow oxygen to fill them. It was sort of scary, I felt like I was about to suffocate. I started to silently cry out to God for help. Then I had the sense of an angel bending over me. It pressed its lips to mine and gently blew and breath entered my lungs, sort of like mouth-to-mouth recessitation. The breath was fresh and refreshing and made my chest feel light. The sense of heaviness was gone and it became very easy to breathe as I received this mouth-to-mouth recessitation from the angel. Then God said something to me that I don't understand yet. He said, "It is easier to bare it" (the weight of the mantel) "when you have the supernatural to help you."
I sort of puzzled over that statement and at the same time, the angel continued to breathe for me, and it was light and refreshing - - it felt good. Then the vision and the physical sensations sort of melted away. I could not the mantle or the breastplate over me any more. But I was acutely aware of God's nearness. His goodness surrounded me for a while. And that felt even better than the vision had felt. He sort of flooded my senses and it was so nice. My arms and hands were tingling lightly, a sensation I have come to associate with the Lord's presence.
That went on for some unknown period of time and then God said, "Ok, you are done, you can get up now."
PROCESSING IT ALL
I had a lot of things on my agenda to do for that day. But when I left the meeting, none of them seemed very important any more. So I decided to put aside my agenda and spend the day seeking God and also writing up my experiences in those three meetings. As I did those things, God began to sort of put it together for me as an overall picture. He had one plan and one agenda that He wanted to accomplish in those meetings. The first meeting was where he reminded me of my destiny and got me hungry for it again. That led to me praying "Change whatever you need to change in me that interferes with your destiny in my life."
The next night He began to answer that prayer by making me aware of an area of woundedness that I need to present to Him and let Him heal. That night felt uncomfortable for me, more like I was getting clobbered than receiving God's blessings and answer to prayer. But the truth is that we have to allow Him to finger and remove the gunk in our lives that interferes with our ability to step into God's destiny for us. Since I wanted to go higher and deeper in Him, He kindly showed me the thing that was preventing me for doing so. I wish I could say we already fixed it. But, to tell you the truth, deep inner stuff is not dealt with that quickly. I have acknowledged the problem and I am working on it with God. And since I am cooperating with Him in dealing with it, He is not waiting until I am perfect to begin transition me into that next level. Also, God gave me the opporutnity to use what I already had that night, because the concept of using what you already have is important to receiving "more" from the Lord.
The third meeting was an impartation of sorts. I was expecting and hoping for a new anointing. That is not what God wanted to do. What He wanted to do was to increase and deepen the anointing He had already put in me. He wanted to take me to the next level in an area I was already moving in. Most of the time, that is how He does it. He does not throw away what He has already put in you and start over with a new area of anointing. Instead, He grows and matures and deepens what He has already deposited in you.
I must say that these meetings have impacted me very deeply and that the net result is that I have been walking much closer to Him these past few days. He is a good God, and it is good to serve Him.
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