Early Renewal Experiences: 5 August, 1994

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-- © GodSpeak International 1998 --
-- Do not republish without written permission from <ts@godspeak.org> --

Empowered to Impart (5 August, 1994)

Micheal Bordeur, the head pastor, was back for tonight after being gone for about six weeks. So the pastors meet separately from the prayer team so that they could touch bases with Micheal.

We actually did not spend more than about 15 minutes in pre-service prayer, but God touched us very powerfully. We started by interceeding for the service and also inviting the Lord to use us however He wanted to. Then we laid hands on each other and prayed for an anointing to minister. I was the first person to receive prayer. When they started praying for me, the joy of the Lord hit me and I began laughing. There was also an incredible heat that I was unaccustomed to. It felt like the room tempertature had suddenly jumped up to about 110 degrees. I asked the Lord about it and got a strong sense that this was the "fire of the Lord."

As soon as they finished praying for me, I joined in praying for the next person. I found that I laughed a lot as I prayed and the person receiving pray also laughed a lot. I still felt the heat on me and noticed that sweat began to drip down the face of the person who we were praying for. However, the rest of the team looked comfortably cool. The same thing happened to the next person -- sweat and laughter. So I commented on it and everyone agreed that the Lord seemed to be pouring out His fire on us. When we finished praying, we were all laughing like teenagers and we went downstairs to join the service.

First there was worship, then Micheal preached a short sermon from Isaiah 12. The Lord touched me powerfully near the end of worship and I missed most of the sermon because the Holy Spirit was all over me. I could feel His power flowing through me and was aware that my body was jerking mildly. The Lord spoke to me during that time.

(Earlier in the day, I had an unusually intense and deep prayer time with the Lord about my relationship with Him. I also asked Him where the joy had gone. When He first started working on me there had been so much joy, but the last few weeks that seemed to have gone away.)

As I sat there under His power, the Lord told me that He had heard my prayer and intended to answer it. He told me that tonight would be an unusually powerful night and that after I was done praying for others, He was going to touch me powerfully as well. He also reminded me of all the prophesies that He had spoken over me that I was going to move more and more in the gift of prophesy. In addition to that, He was really pouring out His joy on me. I thanked Him for what He was doing in me and also thanked Him for restoring the joy.

After the sermon there were about four short testamonies. They were very good. The first shared how the Lord had taken her back to various difficult periods of her life and showed her that He was with her and would never leave her. The second was a missionary to South America and shared some of what the Lord was doing down there, moving similar to how He moves here at the renewal meetings. The third shared about how the Lord healed the relationship with her father and how she was able to feel and accept love from him for the first time in her life. The last shared a couple of scriptures about how God is doing a new thing and we must be willing to let God do what He wants and not cling only to how He used to move.

Then it was time for ministry. Micheal invited those who want another drink to come up for prayer. Then he asked the Lord to come in power and touch His children. As usual, the ministry area was very crowded. I asked Won, who himself is very powerfully anointed, if he would be my catcher and help me pray for people. He agreed. The Lord seemed to point out people who He wanted Won and I to pray for. So we moved randomly around the room, praying for people. (The Lord reminded me how last time I'd prayed I went to people who He was not leading me to and not much had happened.) So I was determined to be sensitive to His leading. The results were awesome. God touched each person very powerfully. Praying for them was exceptionally easy. The Lord showed me what to pray for each person and it just flowed so effortlessly. It was clear from each person's responses that the prayers were right for that person. The Holy Spirit seemed to fall rapidly on each person and move powerfully on them.

As I prayed, I remember marveling at what the Lord was doing. I was amazed at how easy it was to flow with the Holy Spirit. I asked the Lord to help me not to get cocky and to give Him the glory that is His due, since He's the One who's really doing it. I also thanked Him over and over for letting it be such a powerful and effective night. God reminded me that He'd told me it would be powerful before I started praying. He told me that He wants me to have more confidence in His ability to speak to me. (Sometimes when I hear God's voice, I start mentally debating whether it's really the Lord or if it's my own imagination putting words in His mouth.) He told me to stop worrying about my ability to hear and discern; instead trust His ability to communicate.

I know it seems strange to be effectively praying for others and simultaneously have the Lord speak directly to me about my relationship with Him. I was being ministered to while I was ministering to others. It was like the Lord was doing it all and I was simply along for the ride. I sure love nights like that and wish that it would always be that easy and powerful to pray for others.

One lady that I prayed for started to go down a couple of times and took a few steps backwards to keep from falling. The second time that happened, I asked her if she was uncomfortable about falling. Since the Lord seemed to be doing a falling down type of work on her, I suggested that maybe she would like to lay down and I'd continue praying for her. (Some people are afraid of falling and I didn't want that to be a distraction to her, which is why I suggested eliminating the falling part.) She said that she had no problem with falling, but that she wanted to hear the words of my prayer. She was resisting going down because she wanted me to pray for her longer. I told her that if she went down, I'd still keep praying for her until the Lord stopped showing me things to pray. She seemed determined to stay on her feet, so I simply started praying for her again. I sensed that the Lord wanted to fill her and would meet her anyhow, so I didn't worry about it at all when she backed up. Suddenly she simply collasped in a heap -- so fast that Won had trouble catching her. I bent over her and prayed for her a little more, then I moved on.

Sometimes the Lord would have me go back and pray over someone who was already down. It was so easy and effortless to move with the Holy Spirit under this anointing. After a while, pretty much everyone who wanted prayer was either already down or had a team praying for them. So Won and I stopped praying. This was probably about 9:30.

I went and stood by the front of the altar and asked the Lord to touch me and fill me again. I knew that eventually someone would be by to pray for me. I could feel God's presense and power all over me. I knew that God planned to minister deeply to me, and He began to do it without anyone praying for me. His goodness surrounded me and I found that I could hardly stand.

Then someone who is not on the prayer team came up to me and prayed for me. I felt myself falling and hit the ground heavily. The lady was not trained and did not know how to catch people. She let my body hit full force, but caught my neck so that my head did not hit the ground. I heard a loud thump as I hit the ground and wondered why it didn't hurt. The Holy Spirit seemed to chuckle a little and told me that I was safe from harm when I was under His power; that He takes good care of me and I can trust Him with all of my being. That sounded pretty good to me, so I put my trust in the Lord and gave Him permission to do whatever He wanted to.

What He did next surprised me a little. He made me aware of someone who I disapprove of laying next to me. This person prays for people all of the time even thought he's not on the prayer team and is not supposed to. He has a very arrogant attitude and is very boastful about when God moves through him. He often steps in and takes over ministry from other prayer team members, sort of pushing them out of the way. He takes credit for what happens as though he was doing it through his own power or is especially anointed of the Lord. But the Lord showed me His deep love for him. I found myself praying earnestly that the Lord would work within him and make him a powerful and effective minister. For the first time in my life, I wanted him to have a powerful anointing and be used mightily. I suddenly realized that there was enough of God's anointing to go around for everyone. He could be powerfully anointed and I could be powerfully anointed at the same time. I found that I could want others (even others who seemed immature to me) to be released into very effective ministry and that would not hurt the effectiveness of my own ministry at all. God had enough to empower and use all of us; He did not have to be selective with limited resources. I guess I've always known that in my head, but suddenly I knew it with my whole being and it became a reality for me.

Immediately, I became aware of my own immaturity and selfishness. I repented before the Lord and asked Him to change me. Please make me desire to always foster His best in all believers, not just the ones I like. The Lord responded with the phrase "there's room in my lap for every body." That was a phrase that He'd used a couple of monthes before when He showed me that He could accept and love everyone He was ministering to at the same time. Back then was when I realized that I was secure in His love and acceptance. Now I realized that I was secure in His empowerment -- there is no competition here. God can empower and use me; and empower and use someone else too. Just because He is blessing someone else (maybe even someone who seems less deserving than myself) does not mean that He's chosen that person instead of me.

Something happened deep in my spirit; a release. Then the Lord reminded me of a prophesy He had spoken over me about 5 weeks before; that He wanted to use me to release giftings in others. But before He could use me to impart into others, I had to be secure in my own giftings and secure in His love for me. The prophet told me that God was going to establish me in His love; that He would do it in a seemingly insignificant way but that it would be very meaningful to me. As the Lord brought that back to my memory, He seemed to be saying that this was it. Then I realized that I was established in His love; that my significance in Him was totally unrelated to what what going on in other people. I could release them into their ministries without feeling any type of threat to my own ministry.

I was filled with a great joy about this new realization and freedom to bless others and call forth God's best in them. From time to time I became aware of various physical manisfestations such as shaking or jerking or hands tingling. But the manisfestations were so insignificant compared to what the Lord was doing in my heart. Oh, God is good!

After about an hour (of course, it did not seem that long) I got back up. I talked to Desta for a while then someone asked us to pray for her. After that, I prayed for a couple of other people. It was starting to get pretty late and alot of people had already left.

I was about to leave myself when Amy came up to talk to me. She started by thanking me for praying for her. She when on to say that God had really been speaking through my prayers and they had been extremely prophetic. I couldn't even remember what I had prayed for her but was glad that the Lord had blessed her so much. She went on again and again to emphasize the significance of what I prayed over her, so I finally asked her to refresh my memory about what I said. She told me and then went on to emphasize the significance of what God had been doing through my prophetic prayer for her.

Right then the Lord reminded me that He was increasing the prophetic in me very strongly. He reminded me of that Sunday night when the pastor from LA told me that I'd begin moving more and more in the prophetic. I thanked the Lord for giving me a confirmation. I hadn't even realized that I was prophesying over her as I prayed for her. I just knew that God was touching her and I wanted Him to meet her deeply.

I told her how God loved her and wanted to minister to her and establish her in His love. I explained that the important thing was God speaking to her and the vessel He used to speak through (me, in this case) was insignificant. God could have used anyone He wanted to to speak to her. All the same, I breathed a silent prayer of thanks that He had used me. I also thanked Him for the feedback about how He had used me prophetically, since one of my deepest desires is to be His prophet.

As we were speaking, the fellow God had used to free me to impart my giftings to others came up and started talking to us. I found that my whole attitude towards him had changed; that I was able to truely love him in the Lord and be interested in him.

I went home that night feeling so secure in the Lord and so full of His love, joy and acceptance. What a wonderful night.

-- © GodSpeak International 1998 --
-- Do not republish without written permission from <ts@godspeak.org> --

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