Personal Testimonies: The Desires Of Our Heart

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-- © GodSpeak International 1999 --
-- Do not republish without written permission from <> --

The Desires Of Our Heart

(Oct 3, 1999)

A long time ago, the Lord gave me a revelation about psalm 37:4 ... where God will give us the desire of our hearts as we seek Him. I had always thought it meant that if we put His interests first, He will eventually give us what is important to us as well. One day God spoke to me, it must have been 4 or 5 years ago (maybe longer) and showed me what that verse really meant.. that if we make God the desire of our heart, He will indeed give Himself to us. In fact, I have been walking that out for several years now and experiencing more and more of Him.. and His presense is indeed awesome.

Somewhere in the process of learning that truth, I got the mistaken idea that we should not have natural desires.. only spiritual ones.

But about 7 or 8 monthes ago God began to speak to me about natural desires. When ever I had a natural desire, I would push it away as not spiritual and try to press into seeking God and the things of the spirit and to deny the other types of desire. Well, about a month before my first trip to South Africa I got this horrible condition called adult-onset acne. It was terrible.. my face looked awful with all sorts of zits and whiteheads and places where the zits had popped open and there was open sores.. I became embarassed about my physical appearance and was not sure if I should be speaking/ministering at a conference there. In addition, my hair dresser had moved away about a year before, and I just had not been able to get my hair looking ok since then... even though I'd tried 3 or 4 different hair dressers. I was also beginning to pick up some of that extra weight that I'd lost and kept off for most of the past year. So, I had real desires of my heart.. all related to my appearance.. my hair, my weight (not bad but about 10 pounds more than I wanted to weight) and my complexion.

So God visited me just before I left for South Africa (late march) and asked me what the desires of my heart were.. and of course, I responded with my spiritual desires.. being closer to Him, knowing His voice better, more anointing and ministry oportunities, etc... God asked me about things I wanted for just me, and though I had those desires (weight, complexion, hair) I would not admit them to myself.

The trip to South Africa was very powerful.. God did awesome things. But, during that trip I injured my leg quite seriously and became "handicapped" for about three monthes.. I could not walk even 10 steps without crutches. So, I began to put on all sorts of extra weight.. gaining about 25 pounds in a three month period. I was feeling frustrated and very unhappy with my physical body.

Four monthes ago, God again visited me and asked me what the desires of my heart were. Again, I told Him I wanted to be closer to Him, to hear His voice more clearly, to move in greater levels of anointing and be more effective in ministering to people. Again God said, "No, Teresa, I don't mean ministry related desires. What are the desires of your heart?"

So I began to ask for my mother and husband's salvation, for His blessings on my church (which was struggling financially), etc. Again God stopped me midsentence and said, "NO, honey, those are all things for other people. I want you to ask me for something that is just for Teresa. I gave you this life as a gift. I am delighted that you have dedicated it back to Me, but I still want you to enjoy it. I want to give you good gifts.. just for you."

We had been walking and about then I passed a full length mirror. I again felt that frustration with my physical appearance, so I blurted out, "Ok, God, you know what I really want from You? I want to take off all this extra weight, I want my hair to look decent and I want my complexion to clear up. That is what I really want.. I know it is not very spiritual, but that is what I want."

I did not really expect God to do anything for me. In fact, I braced myself for a rebuke.. or for correction for being so selfish. But that never came. Instead, I was flooded with a sense of God's warmth and love.

The next day I ran into a co-worker I'd not seen for a few weeks. She was noticably thinner. In fact, she looked great. So I asked her what happened.. and she told me how her doctor had put her on this medical weight loss program for health reasons.. wow, it clearly worked. I asked about the program and it was incredibly expensive.. but she was the person at out company who made medical insurance decisions... I don't have regular medical insurance, I have this special insurance through my work.. my husband and I are both covered through his employer's insurance and anything that does not cover, we can submit to my work. They will pay up to my medical coverage (about $300 a month, I think) for things Ed's insurance won't pick up. She mentioned that most insurance companies won't cover this weight loss program and named one that did. It was not the one Ed had from his job and the weight loss program was very expensive. Then she said, if my doctor were to prescribe this program, our company could cover the cost since it is a valid medically supervised program and done for health reasons. The next day I saw my doctor and he expressed concern over the sudden onset of weight I'd experienced. He recommended this very same program to me.. so I got a $300.00 per month program virtually for free. I began the program a few weeks later and in about 4 mouths have lost all that extra weight I gained from the leg injury and am now working on getting off those last 10 extra pounds. I now weigh 128, which is quite accpetable for a 5'5" person.. but I am shooting to go down to 120. I get all sorts of comments from friends/acquaintances about how good I look now. About the same time as I started the diet, a friend recommended her hair dresser to me. I began going to this lady instead of the one I was using, and now my hair looks pretty good again. Finally, my complexion has cleared up.. it's been clear the past two months.

Just yesterday, my husband was telling me how "georgeous" I looked since I'd lost that weight.. and I was suddenly reminded of when God asked me what the desires of my heart were.. and I finally blurted out: weight, hair and complexion. He has actually interveened in all three areas and I am feeling very good about my physical appearance now. He really did give me the desires of my heart!

Yesterday, the Lord began to speak to me that He is concerned about the natural desires of our hearts as well as the spiritual desires. Sometimes we have natural desires that don't line up with His will and He will change those desires as we present them to Him... replacing them with desires that match up with His own. Other times He delights to give us the natural desires of our hearts, as He did with me over this past 4 monthes. God is So good, and it is so good to be His!

-- © GodSpeak International 1999 --
-- Do not republish without written permission from <> --

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