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-- © GodSpeak International 2008 --
-- Do not republish without written permission from <copyright@godspeak.net> --

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS AND CONTRIBUTING RESOURCES
Author: Teresa Seputis ts@godspeak.net http://www.godspeak.net

Encountering God

Lesson 8
An Example of Encountering God In Apparent Failure

By Teresa Seputis

I talked about two types of failure in our last lesson--real failures and apparent failures. (An apparent failure is where you do precisely what God told you to do, but the results turn out very different than what you expected, so you think you have failed when you really have not.)

It doesn't matter if the failure is real or perceived, it feels terrible. There is often shame or embarrassment and it is easy to think that God must be either mad or disappointed with us. Those feelings make it harder for many of us to run to God in the midst of our failure. In fact, they often drive us to want to hide from Him for a brief season.

The truth is that God knows in advance what we will succeed at and what we will fail at, and He is not caught off guard when we fail. He doesn't stop loving us and the thought of 'disqualifying us' for our failure never even crosses His mind. [Don't take my statement as some sort of permission to disobey God or to disregard His instructions. That is something entirely different. God does, at times, disqualify people for intentional disobedience or for premeditated sin. King Saul is an example of the first, and Ananias and Sapphira are example of the latter.] But God doesn't disqualify us for having a failure, especially when we are doing our best and trying to serve Him.

The devil, on the other hand, will do all he can to beat us up over our failure, and to try and get us to disqualify ourselves. He will use the voice of accusation the voice of condemnation, speaking these things into our own thoughts to make us miserable. If he gets an opportunity to do so, he will also try to use other people to speak those same things to us. He wants to feel that God is either mad at us or so disappointed with us that He doesn't want us round Himself. The devil does all he can to try and keep us from running to God in our failure because he knows that God wants to restore and encourage us. Most of us "know" in our head, that God is safe and approachable, but the enemy's strategy against us slows us down and delays us for a season from having our encounter with God.

I wish I could say I was immune from this, but I am not. In fact, I got hit by this just the other day. I am going to share it with you so that you get an idea of what it looks like and of what God does to make it possible for us to encounter Him in the midst of our failure.

Saturday was a very busy morning for me. I had to teach my advanced prophetic class (via a conference call) from 7:00 AM until 8:30. I also had to be at a large church hosting a woman's conference at 8:30 AM because I was part of the prophetic teams ministering to women during the morning session. That church was a half hour drive from my house, so I had to drive there as I taught the last 1/2 hour of my class by phone. I finished the class as I stood outside the church door, and then ran into the ministry session as soon as I hung up.

It was a rather intensive session. My partner and I were scheduled to minister to 15 women in just over a three hour period. As soon as one left, the next arrived, and there wasn't much of a breather between people. Since I was the more experienced member of the team, I was to go first so that my teammate had a few minutes to press into the Lord for a word. I usually had only seconds from when the person was seated and the "session timer" started until when I had to begin prophesying over the person.

Also, I was considered one of the most "senior" prophetic voices there, so the people organizing the event tended to send a lot of the leaders to me--including the conference speakers and the wife of the Senior Pastor (also a pastor and strong leader in her own right), staff pastors, etc. There were also some "regular women" thrown into the mix. I had not been to any of the sessions of the conference, so I did not know any of the speakers and senor leaders by sight (except for the Senior Pastor's wife).

Most of the time, stuff came right away and it was easy to prophesy. But there were two ladies where it was a struggle for me to get a word for them. The problem is that this whole ministry session was very 'time constrained" and appointments scheduled down to the minute, so I did not have time to take 2 or 3 minutes to press in for a word--I had to start prophesying right away.

One time an immaculately groomed lady sat down in front of me, and my ministry partner rushed to start the timer before I was ready. As a result, I was pressured to start before I had anything to say. I threw up a 'Lord...what do You want to say?" prayer. In response, God called my attention to her carefully manicured fingernails. (She looked really nice, by the way.) It reminded me of Queen Esther, who had been taken into the palace and carefully groomed and prepared for her night with the king. Then a part of one of the verses from the book of Esther seemed to jump out at me. It was Esther 4:14, which said, "Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"

That phrase "...for such a time as this" kept running through my thoughts. I felt God was grooming and preparing her for something significant, and she was sort of His secret weapon, being unobtrusively placed in position so that then the timing was right, she could rise up as a significant presence for God to accomplish His purposes. I had the sense of her as a secular singer making it "big" in the recording industry and then speaking up for godly principles from her position of popularity. But I wasn't sure if that was specifically what God was going to do with her, or if it was just an example of the type of thing God might do. Since I had started shakily and since I wasn't too sure how to process this detail, I simply omitted it.

However, I did tell her that her calling was not in the church but outside of it, where she would have a profound effect on people who would not set foot into a church. I also told her not to feel pressured to do the things that church encourages people to do, but to pursue what God put in her heart to do. E.g., she may find herself in some secular activity instead of participating in a church-sponsored outreach or evangelism activity.

I told her that her time had not come yet, that she was still "hidden" and God was setting her into place for "such a time as this." I told her that when it happened, she would end up accomplishing more in a very short time than someone who is in full time ministry all of their life. I explicitly told her that she is not called to minister inside the church so much as she is called to minister outside of it. I went on to say that she was sort of like a godly version of one of those "terrorist sleeper cells" where they plant someone and that person goes about their life looking and acting perfectly normal and unobtrusive until they are activated--then they are in place for a specific mission. I told her that God had a mission for her that would incredibly impact the secular world for the kingdom of God at precisely His right timing. I told her that it might feel like she is doing anything for the kingdom until she is activated, but not to worry, because God has something very significant for her to do.

There were other aspects of the word as well, dealing with things like inner beauty and godly character. She seemed to receive those parts, but I could tell from her body language that she was uncomfortable with the part about "for such a time as this" and being called to minister outside of the church instead of inside of it. I did not feel that strong inner confidence that I normally have when I give a word and I had been sort of groping for a word when I first started. I hoped I had gotten it right but I was not 100% sure.

My partner and I each shared twice for her and the timer went off just about 2 seconds after we finished speaking. The lady said, "You guys are good." I assumed she was referring to the words and felt a surge of relief that she was confirming my word to her. I said something like "Thank you. Actually God is good--He is the one giving the words."

She replied, "Oh, I wasn't talking about the words, I was talking about how you finished right on time."

I am sure she did not intend it that way, but it felt like a slap in the face, as if she was saying, "I did not like the word you gave me." If I am absolutely positive it is a God-word, then I don't really care if the person likes it or not...but in this case I had stretched to get started and I wasn't 100% sure of the word. I hoped I'd done a good job of representing what God wanted to say to her, but I wasn't sure. I did not feel entirely good about the word I'd given to her.

They gave us lunch after the ministry time, and the afternoon session was about to start as lunch ended. So I decided that I'd stick around for a bit of the worship session before I went home to hubby, who was waiting for me.

That was when I found out who this lady was. She was the worship leader for the conference--someone involved in full time Christian ministry who they had imported especially for the conference. In fact, it turns out that her picture was on the fliers for this conference. And I had told this worship leader that she is not called to minister inside the church but outside of it.

I cannot tell you how small I felt at that moment. I realized that I must have missed it when I gave her that word...and I felt so bad. No wonder she hadn't liked her word! I hoped that the word hadn't annoyed or upset her in a way that made it harder to lead the women into worship. (I am not used to making mistakes when I give words. I "know" it can happen to anyone, including myself. But it is the first time in as long as I can remember where I blatantly missed it on a word. If that wasn't bad enough, I had to miss it with one of the main leaders of this conference.)

Then the voice of the enemy began accusing me. He called me a false prophet, and his accusation felt "true" to me. I never intended to misspeak for the Lord or misrepresent Him to someone, but I had somehow managed to do that. I felt bad and embarrassed, and I slipped out of the conference and drove home. But the enemy did not stop accusing me just because I left the building. He followed me home and kept on working on me, doing all he could to make me feel miserable. And he succeeded.

I tried to apologize to the Lord as I drove home, but I had this sense that He was mad at me. It made it hard to really press into Him and I felt sort of afraid of Him. I got home and spent a couple of hours with hubby. Then he decided he was tired and went upstairs to take a nap. As soon as I was alone, I was again reminded of how I had missed it on that word. I felt so bad and miserable. I tried to pray but I felt like God must be mad at me for misrepresenting Him, so my prayer time was not very successful.

So I tried to watch some television, but I could not really get into it. My "failure" kept running through my mind over and over again. And the accuser of the brethren began saying things designed to make me feel hopeless. He asked how I could possibly teach an advanced prophetic class when I missed it so badly. He also suggested that maybe I did not have a "right" to continue sending out corporate words on my prophetic- word list. After all, if I missed it, then I must be a false prophet and how could God possibly trust me again to speak through me to others? I ended up going to my PC and playing mindless computer games. And I felt miserable the whole time.

Now I knew that the enemy is a liar and if I thought about it, I could have figured out that the things he was saying to me were lies. But at that moment, the "felt" so real. I wasn't used to failing and I did not like failing and some part of me agreed that I should be punished for failing. When I went to bed that night and did my usual evening prayer, I told the Lord something like "I imagine You are sort of mad at me, and I will understand it if You don't want to spend much time with me tonight." It wasn't that God wasn't willing to meet me, it was that shame made my prayer time only half-hearted at best.

When I woke up in the morning, I knew that I wasn't really a false prophet and I knew that God wasn't going to rip the GodSpeak ministry out of my hands for this one mistake. But the enemy's lie that He was still angry with me "felt" so real that I had trouble getting through my morning prayers. I did pray a desperate, "Lord, please reach down and help me, because I'm a mess!" prayer. I knew that at some point God would answer that prayer and restore me to intimacy, but I did not think it would be that same day.

God said something interesting to me that morning. He said, "Now you know what it feels like for others when they miss it on a word." I had a sense that part of the reason He allowed me to go through this was to build empathy in me for others.

God began to meet me as I drove to church that morning. The first thing He did was to ask me, "Teresa, did you intentionally misrepresent My word to this lady?" I said, "Of course not!" He said, "Did you pre- determine what you were going to say to her, or did you seek Me for My word?" I had sought Him for His word. "So then," He asked, "why do you think I would be mad at you?"

I thought that He would be mad at me because, despite my best effort, I had gotten the word wrong. I had said "God is saying..." and then proceeded to misrepresent what He wanted to say. At the moment, that felt like the worst possible crime that I could do--and I had done it. God told me that things were not as bad as they seemed, and then He suggested that I share my "failing" with one or two of the people on my team and see if they thought the offense was as bad as it seemed to me. I wasn't sure I wanted to do that, because if I confessed that I missed it on a word, they might think poorly of me and not want to serve on my my ministry team any more. But at the same time, God is the God of all truth, and if I have really blown it to the point where they shouldn't trust my leadership anymore, then they deserve to know.

So I ran into one of the ladies and she asked me, "How did it go?" I told her about my mistake and sort of braced myself for her response. Her first response was that maybe the word was correct and the Lord is calling the person out of church ministry and into secular ministry. I told her that I thought I'd missed it and given a wrong/false word. This was her reply, "Oh well, I guess that will help to keep you humble." My mistake was not nearly as big of a deal to her as it was to me. Then the Lord whispered, "See, I told you so..."

A bit later, I saw the lady who had been my prophecy partner on Saturday. I told her who the lady with the manicured fingernails was and about how bad I felt about giving a "you are not called to minister in the church" word to the conference worship leader. Her response was that it was not a big deal and that I shouldn't feel bad about it, since I'd done my best.

The condemnation and accusation of the enemy began to loose its power as I saw that others were not nearly as horrified with my failure as I had been. Then God whispered to me and said, "I am not horrified with it either, and I am not at all mad at you." I asked Him if He was disappointed with me and He said, "I am not disappointed with you for the word. However, I am a little disappointed in you for buying into the enemy's lies and accusations against you, and for being hesitant to come to Me about it."

The Lord met me on/off during the day Sunday, to restore and encourage me. It was not any sort of dramatic encounter, but He kept speaking to me in His still small voice and He kept dispelling the lies and accusations of the enemy against me. He also instructed me to write lesson 7 (about encountering God in failure).

When I went to bed that night, God was waiting for me. He asked me, "Well, Teresa, are you going to let this separate you from Me longer, or are you willing to come and meet Me now?" I was kind of surprised because I thought that He'd be the one not wanting to have intimacy with me, when in fact it was my issues that pushed Him away. I told Him, "I'd like to come to You Lord. I don't want to feel separated any longer."

In the back of my mind, I still thought that maybe He did not want to spend that much time with me and that probably little (if anything) would happen during my intimacy time with Him. I was wrong.

The Lord met me very tangibly and I had a wonderful encounter with Him. In my case, the Holy Spirit came and caught me away to be with Him. There were no angels present, just me and God. But His love and His nearness were strong and tangible. I am not going to share a lot of the details of this encounter with God, because it is very personal and very special to me.

But the Holy Spirit began reviewing my life with me, especially emphasizing relationship things we had together and some covenants that God had made with me. He reminded me of some promises He had made to me. He did not do that by recalling them to my memory, it was like I relived the moments where He made the these promises. I ended up experiencing many special times I'd had with God a second time as He reviewed them with me. They were just as real and just as tangible in the review as they had been when I experienced them the first time. When He was done, He put me to sleep and I woke up in the morning feeling incredibly refreshed and knowing that there was no separation between Him and me because of Saturday's mistake.

The way that God meets you may look different than the way He does it with me, but He is just as willing to meet and restore you as He was to meet and restore me. Failures are no fun, but when you have one, you don't have to be afraid to come to God. Look to Him expectantly, and He will meet you in the midst of your failure. He will nullify the lies and accusations that the enemy is telling you and He will find a way to refresh and encourage you in the midst of your apparent failure.


-- © GodSpeak International 2008 --
-- Do not republish without written permission from <copyright@godspeak.net> --

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