This prophetic thought is submitted by Teresa Seputis [ts@godspeak.net]

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                         A Four-Letter Word

Usually when we mention four-letter words, we are referring to swear
words, which are not a very nice thing. But yesterday, the Lord gave 
me a lesson on another type of four-letter word: "love." 

The truth is that the type of love that God expects from us can, from
time to time, feel a bit like it should be a a swear word, because it
requires a level of selflessness where our "flesh" must die to itself. 
Many of us fall somewhat short in this area, and we don't enjoy it when
the Lord reminds us of our inadequacies. 

What I am sharing today is not a prophecy, in the strict sense of the 
word. Instead, I am sharing a somewhat "painful" lesson that God taught 
me yesterday. It is "prophetic' in that it comes from God and reflects 
His heart, but the words used to describe this lesson are my own, not 
His.

The lesson started after church. I was on a committee and we had a 
meeting, and the agenda was to watch a video called The Finger Of God.
It is a documentary about some of the "manifestations" of the current
move of God, starting with gold teeth, then progressing to gold dust,
gemstones, manna, physical healings and raising the dead. It was a 
is a two-hour documentary and it makes a person hungry to see more of
God's power manifest in their own Christian walk.

One of the things the video covered was the "treasure hunts" from Bethel 
School of Ministry, where students go on the prowl looking for people 
to pray for to be healed. They go out to very public places and look
around for people in wheelchairs, on crunches, using walkers, in casts,
etc. When they find one, they walk up to that person and ask if they can 
pray for them. The film showed them doing this, and it captured multiple
physical healings as they prayed. As I watched this, it made me hungry
to do the same thing.  I began silently telling the Lord that I wanted 
to do this as well, and I asked Him to increase my ability to heal the 
people I met as I went around doing my day-to-day activities.

About 2/3 of the way through the video, we had to pause it for a while
because one of the committee members was briefly called away to attend
to some church business. That is where things started getting problematic 
for me. I had struggled with mild vertigo Wednesday night to Saturday 
afternoon, where I got dizzy and the room seemed to swirl around me until 
I felt nauseous. The problem seemed to clear up Saturday afternoon and I 
thought I was past it. But "pause" eventually went to a screen saver, 
where bright colored objects bounced around the screen in a choppy 
pattern. After a few minutes of this, I started to feel motion sick. The
the vertigo started coming back, and I felt nauseous and a bit dizzy.

I covered my eyes to avoid looking at the screen saver, but the damage 
had already been done, and I spent the rest of the day struggling with 
vertigo. One of the other committee members asked me why I was covering 
my eyes, so I explained about the vertigo. The missing member returned 
just as I was explaining that, and we restarted the video. 

But now, instead of inspiring me, the video was making me feel physically 
sick. Some of the images were quick choppy scene changes and it made me 
even dizzier, until I had to hold my head with my hands. I felt very much 
like I was going to throw up, but I had been fasting that day, so I did 
not have any contents in my stomach to loose. The volume had been a bit 
loud, which did not bother me before. But now my head hurt and I literally 
had to put my fingers over my ears to tolerate the sound. I started 
feeling sick and miserable and was no longer enjoying the video.

I wanted to leave, but the committee chairperson had expressed a desire 
for everyone on this committee to watch this video together. That, 
combined with the fact that I'd missed the last few committee meetings 
(because of assorted things beyond my control), made me feel obligated 
to stay. But instead of enjoying the film, I was enduring it and I found 
myself silently praying, "Lord, please let it end soon!"

I almost did not make it to the end, because I was feeling so sick. Part 
of me was upset at the irony of it. I was watching a video about healing 
and it was making me physically ill. I tried praying silently to command 
the dizziness to leave, but that did not work. I asked the Lord to heal
me and make me feel better, but He did not. About ten minutes before it 
ended, I decided that I was going to go to the nearby pharmacy and get 
some motion sickness pills. 

The video was talking about how  we need to have an attitude of love 
towards others if we want to minister healing to them. They said we have 
to lay aside our agenda and just be God's love to others--not trying to 
convert unsaved people, just loving them and healing them and letting 
the Holy Spirit convict them in His own time. It was good stuff, but I 
was too sick to really pay much attention. I almost did not make it 
through those last ten minutes.  

When it ended, I felt so sick that I did not care about anything else--I 
just needed to get my hands on the medicine and make the room stop 
spinning and the nausea go away.

The leader said, "We are going to pray now, and ask God to release this
stuff in our church." 

I said, "I am going to Longs to get some Dramamine." I stood up and I
felt even dizzier than when I'd been sitting. So I added, "I feel too
sick to drive safely, so I am going to walk." I immediately walked out
of the room and left the building. The others looked at me with sort of
shocked expressions on their faces. No one said anything.

I felt like such an "idiot" as I left the building. I realized that I
came across like a spiritual midget instead of a spiritual giant and I
felt bad about that. But I felt so miserable that I could not stand
it any longer and I had to go get some medicine.

The pharmacy is only a 3 or 4 minute drive, but it is close to a 15 
minute walk. As I walked, I started feeling a little better, but I
still felt sick enough that I urgently wanted the medicine. 

I told the Lord, "Lord, they are all going to think that I did not 'get
it' because I watched a video on healing and I got sick from it."

The Lord said something in reply that really surprised me. He said, "No,
Teresa, they did not get it. The point wasn't about faith for healing, 
it was about having My love and compassion for those who are suffering. 
If they 'got it,' then at least one of them would have offered to drive 
you to Longs instead of leaving you to walk there."

I felt a little less stupid when God said that. I had walked out of the
building feeling like I was the one who "flunked"--only to learn that I 
wasn't. But the Lord gave me an opportunity to "flunk" a few minutes 
later, and I took it. 

The sidewalk was blocked by an older and homeless-looking man, using a
walker. He was moving very slowly and was clearly in pain. This was 
precisely the type of thing from the treasure hunt portion of the video--
the very thing I'd asked God to let me do. I recognized the opportunity, 
but I choose to "pass" on it. My logic went like this: I am really sick 
right now and need motion sickness medicine. If I stop to minister to 
this guy, it will probably take at least 10 or 15 minutes and I don't 
want to wait that long to get my medicine because I feel so miserable.

So instead of offering to pray for the man, I merely stepped off the 
sidewalk to let him pass, and then continued on my way. When I was
almost to the store entrance, the Lord spoke me. He said, "Teresa, you 
asked Me for the opportunity to heal sick people as you go about your 
day. I brought one to you as you walked here--the man with the walker. 
Didn't you see him and sense that I would heal him?"

"Yes, I did."

"Didn't you feel any compassion for him?"

"A bit, Lord."

"Then why didn't you offer to pray for him?"

"Because I was feeling really sick and did not think it would be a good
time to try and minister to someone else."

"Oh, I see." the Lord said, "You only want to have compassion when it 
is convenient for you instead of really having it all of the time."

At that moment I knew I'd just "failed" God's test. I had been so wrapped 
up in my own need that I did not care about other people's needs. I knew 
in my heart that God would have healed that man if I stopped to pray--and 
who knows, He might have healed me as well. 

It was not fun to discover that I fell so short in the very thing I'd
just asked God for. It was a painful lesson for me, and I sincerely
hope I will do better next time. God wants us to love each other and to 
have His compassion for those who are suffering.

    Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and 
    with all your soul and with all your mind.'This is the first and 
    greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your 
    neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on 
    these two commandments."   -- Matthew 22:37-40