Today is Good Friday, the day when we remember what the Lord has done for us. It is one of the two highest/holiest days in Christian tradition (the other being Easter Sunday).
It is the day when Christians are supposed to remember how Jesus suffered and died for our sakes, and be grateful to Him for what He did.
Some years ago I heard a Good-Friday sermon where the speaker when into excruciating and very gory detail about everything the Lord suffered for us. It was intended to shock us into being grateful to the Lord for what He had done for us. But it had the opposite effect on me. It was so vivid that I could not handle it, and my mind defended itself from the horror by shutting down my emotions and making me numb. Psychologists call it a "defense mechanism"--your mind cannot bare the pain of a given horrible or traumatic thing, so it shuts down the emotions associated with all thoughts of that event.
That particular sermon was horrific, and you would not hear it preached in the typical Good Friday service. I was still relatively young, and it traumatized me.
That numbness carried with me for years. I wanted to cry like everyone else when I though of what Jesus went through to purchase my salvation. But I couldn't. I would feel numb any time I heard (or read) about what Jesus suffered for me. Then I would hate myself for not feeling what I thought I should be feeling anytime that I would think about the Lord's suffering on my behalf. I figured that God must be really mad at me for not having the right feelings/emotions about Good Friday and all that it stood for.
Then one day I had an encounter with Jesus. I had just read Isaiah 53, a prophetic portrayal of Jesus' sufferings. I knew I should be emotionally effected by it, but (as usual) I was numb. I felt so bad that I couldn't feel "bad"--and I was crying and repenting to God for having a hard heart before Him in regard to Jesus' sacrificial death.
Jesus met me and spoke to Me. It was not a vision, but He spoke to Me so clearly and distinctly that He could have been standing directly in front of Me.
"Why do you think they call it 'Good Friday' instead of 'Bad Friday?'" He asked.
I was completely caught off-guard and did not know how to answer Him.
So He broadened the question. "Teresa, why do we call the gospel the 'good news' of salvation?"
"Because it is a really good deal for us. It is good news to be forgiven and to have eternal life. It is good news to have a personal friendship with You and to experience Your goodness and Your presence in our lives."
"Yes, and that is what Good Friday is all about. It is not about the excruciating details of My suffering, thought I did suffer greatly and willingly for your sake. Good Friday is about what My suffering and death accomplished for you--I died so that you might live and so that you might experience full and complete forgiveness from your sins."
He paused for a moment to let me digest what He had said. Apparently it was not about feeling guilty for making Him suffer; it was about feeling grateful.
"That is correct," He continued. "So do not tarnish this day with false guilt or condemnation. I died to remove your guilt, not to heap more upon you."
Wow. The power of His words washed the condemnation I felt about my "numbness" right away. My focus shifted from my own inadequacies to His adequacy. Something happened inside of Me. He set me free from the guilt and condemnation I had carried, and He let me experience the power of what His death and resurrection were really all about: freedom, victory and abundant life in Him!
I felt so grateful to Him for all that He did for me. I wanted to do something back for Him to thank Him. I did not know how to express the feeling that was burning in my heart, so the Holy Spirit helped me to find the right words to express what I was feeling.
"Lord Jesus, just as You gave Your life for me, now I want to give my life to You--I want to live for You completely and totally, doing Your will. I want to be a vessel that You can continue to work through since You are no longer physically present on this earth because You died for me. I give myself to You as Your servant in gratitude for how You gave Your life for me."
I wasn't talking about being born again, because I was already born again. I was talking about a new level of commitment to His Lordship and to seriously serving Him and living for Him instead of just living with Him in my life. I was giving up my rights and my agenda to Him, so that He could use me however He wanted.
It is a decision that I have never regretted. In fact, because of that decision, the Lord has brought me to new depths of intimacy with Him and He has released wonderful anointings and giftings into my life. I am not in control of my own life or agenda, I am not the boss--He is. And I am very happy with that, because He is a wonderful boss.
I used to think of Good Friday as the day to feel guilty. But I don't think of it that way anymore. Now Good Friday is a day that reminds me of my covenant with Him. I use the day to remind myself of the commitment that I made to give myself to Him. I like renew my commitment to Him and to remind myself of His Lordship in My life. He often responds to my recommitment by reminding me of some of the amazing things that He has already done with My life since I gave it to Him. Then He allows me to encounter Him in some very tangible way and to flood my senses with His goodness. It seems like the more I give myself to Him, the more He gives Himself to me, and He is wonderful beyond words.
Good Friday has become a day of remembering My covenant with Him and recommitting to His Lordship in every area of my life. It has become a very good day for me indeed.
May it be the same for you!
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